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WMD discovered in Johnnys living room. help me find a suitable target.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Johnny, Feb 27, 2007. | Replies: 28 | Views: 1093

  1. Johnny

    Johnny Banned

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    WMD discovered in Johnnys living room. help me find a suitable target.

    So I was doing a serious clean-up of my apartment and under a pile of old toys I found a perfectly sealed. 3 year old plastic can of surstromming (sour herring) Waaaaaay past its overdue date.

    My friend noticed it and he said it couldnt possibly contain sour herring as we would have smelled it before. I decided we needed to investigate so we took the can out to the balcony where I started opening it. As I started opening it. The seal just broke slightly and in an instant my balcony was turned inhospitable. We ran back into the apartment in a panic. After straping on a gas mask I managed to get back out on the balcony and seal the can using a glue gun and it no longer smells.

    But that raises a more important issue. What to do with a 3 year old can of sour herring. The possibilities are endless. Who to throw it at. Whos car to compleatly destroy. Whos mailbox to poor it down. Drop it on. Launch it towards. Makes me wish I had a whole apartment full of sour herring.... but then again mayby not. What on earth should I do with this little jewel?


    Sell it on ebay?
  2. §Hex Vex§

    §Hex Vex§ IncGamers Member

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    I'd go with Ebay :tongue:
  3. Ash Housewares

    Ash Housewares IncGamers Member

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    if it's no longer mint, might as well use it
  4. Johnny

    Johnny Banned

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    Well I dont think it was mint to begin with either. Someone must have opened it at some point earlier.
  5. ModeratelyConfused

    ModeratelyConfused Banned

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    I'd say break it up into several smaller 'stinkproof' containers, so you can spread the joy out. I don't know how warm it gets in Swedenland in the summer, but I'd say save it for then.
  6. Draconis

    Draconis IncGamers Member

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    I love the fact that you just happened to have a gas mask and a glue gun lying around ^_^
  7. Bortaz

    Bortaz Banned

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    If you don't save it till summer, and secretly place it under the seat of someone's car, you need to turn in your Man Club membership.
  8. Johnny

    Johnny Banned

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    Yes I did consider summer. The problem is that all people I want to use it against have car alarms. I would love to throw the whole content inside thier car then let it soak a whole summer day but it just doesnt have the same feeling if I just smash the window then throw it inside and run for my escape car before the owner comes running.
  9. Draconis

    Draconis IncGamers Member

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    That's what the inside of the wheel arches are -for-.
  10. Sir EvilFreeSmeg

    Sir EvilFreeSmeg Banned

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    It a bit complicated but this is what you do.

    Find yourself that truely deserves this. I like self-rightous religious leaders who beg for money constantly.

    Break into the mark's vehicle. Securely fasten the vessle to the underside of a rear seat. Rig some strong fishing line to the lid. Attach line to car door when door is barely opened. Door opens, lid is removed, instant funk that can't be easily found...

    An alternative to this is hold onto the can until summer. Wait until your mark parks his car in the sun and leaves his window cracked. While wearing your mask, dump the contents of the can into a sandwich bag. Seal the bag. Remove a corner of the bag. As you walk up to his vehicle, slip the opened end of the bag in and give it a good squirt. Done correctly the whole attack is made in one smooth motion without breaking stride. Instant funk that'll have time to bake.

    Expand on this idea if you want. Mix the contents with some worms, get a dozen or so guys to piss in a bucket, mix the whole thing together. Seal the bucket, let it sit for months in the sun. In about 4-6 months it'll be the most horrific thing you'll ever encounter. Wear full protective gear when you remove the goo. Place goo in vessles for distrubution. Distribute as you see fit. I suggest glass jars. Easily transported and shatter easily when properly deployed.

    In other words, have fun :laugh:
  11. ffejrxx

    ffejrxx IncGamers Member

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    i would hate to get on smegs bad side
  12. Gertlex

    Gertlex Banned

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    As long as you don't live anywhere near him....

    At least until his psychosis reaches the next level.:hide:



  13. Sokar Rostau

    Sokar Rostau IncGamers Member

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    I have a confession to make. One evening in 1998 I decided to make pancakes for dinner. I opened the fridge and took out the eggs to find they had passed the use-by date. Because it was the day after the garbage was picked up, and I didn't want rapidly rotting eggs in my bin, I just put them back in the fridge... and forgot about them.

    Fast forward to December 1999. I was moving to a new flat and had some friends helping me. As is usual the fridge was the last thing to be packed and as it turned out one of my friends did it (and even repacked it at the other end). A few days after this I decided to fry up some eggs and bacon for lunch. The stench was vile, especially since it was summer. But, again, I didn't throw them in the bin because I knew it would be worse so I put them back in the fridge... but this time I didn't forget about them. This time I had a plan.

    While waiting for the perfect opportunity I became rather... obsessed with the idea and started keeping more eggs past their use-by date, at one point I actually had two dozen. The vast majority of these, however, were thrown randomly by myself or friends at unsuspecting cars and shoppers.

    The plan finally came to fruition with a volley of five eggs thrown at a certain person's car (at least two penetrated the windows and splashed on the back seat) in January 2002. When I started collecting "new" eggs, I marked the original batch with the use-by date on the container and it was these that were used in the assault. The victim shall remain nameless because, to my knowledge they do not know to this day, that it was me; I have it on good authority, however, that the stench remained even after a thorough cleaning, some three weeks later.

    This left me with two foul stench grenades which duly found their way into the meeting hall of the Anglican Church across the road two weeks later. I moved out in February, and never heard anything about it, but considered it just recompense for all the kumbaya-type singing I had to put up with during my time there.

    EDIT: This wasn't me, but Dondrei will probably appreciate it. Given that Christmas falls during summer in Australia we tend to have seafood for Christmas lunch, particularly prawns. Centrelink is the central stop for all welfare programs from unemployment to the pension. One Christmas, while living at the address referred to above, someone put a bag of prawns in just the right place so that it received maximum sun exposure while still allowing the smell to filter into Centrelink. I walked past the bag and saw it straight away (smelt it from about 100 metres away... ), so how it managed to stay there for over two weeks is beyond me. I can't imagine what it smelled like inside when they came back from Christmas holidays.
  14. Yaboosh

    Yaboosh IncGamers Member

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    Hmmm, throwing projectiles at passing cars. Yeah, that doesn't sound like a possibly reckless act....
  15. ffejrxx

    ffejrxx IncGamers Member

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    im sure he'd find a way to get it to my mailbox :scared:



  16. buttershug

    buttershug IncGamers Member

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    I'm glad Smeg doesn't know that potatoes soaked in water for a week or so smell worse than rotten eggs after the water is removed.
  17. Drosselmeier

    Drosselmeier IncGamers Member

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    Smuggle it onto a plane!
  18. SaroDarksbane

    SaroDarksbane IncGamers Site Pal

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    Indeed.

    We had some potatoes in a cupboard that we forgot about when we left on vacation. When we came back, even though the sludge that was left in the bag had not leaked out, the stench was so bad that I almost gagged and the cupboard never lost the smell.

    =/



  19. DurfBarian

    DurfBarian IncGamers Member

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    In a land where people actually purchase and open cans of surstromming, these things are standard issue. You get them when you graduate from elementary school.



  20. newco

    newco IncGamers Member

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    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Surstromming

    Yum Yum



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