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Today’s sermon: life lessons from Sir Michael, the erratically-built Paladin

Discussion in 'Single Player Forum' started by Goldtru, Jul 18, 2013. | Replies: 1 | Views: 359

  1. Goldtru

    Goldtru IncGamers Member

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    My dear brothers and sisters, we are gathered together in the presence of the Light of Zakarum today to give thanks for the final destruction of the evil Diablo. Although he burned my dear wife, Annor, to a crisp, she is with us today thanks to the grace of the Light and a loan of some necessary funds from my dear friend, Poseidon the Fishymancer.

    [Poseidon nods in gracious acknowledgement. Annor smiles adoringly at her husband.]

    My dearest friends, many of you here today knew from the moment of your creation what you were going to be in life, and for that, I envy you. Some of you here knew from the start that you would be frost zealots
    [pause for a frosty clang from them]
    – or avengers – or smiters
    [loud smashing noise here]
    – or hammerdins [another pause for a joyous burst of hammers].

    Others are singers -
    [pause for barbs to hoot]

    or bowazons [raucous cheer] -

    or even Javazons -
    [glances over to acknowledge Askungen, who refuses to make eye contact and is instead picking at her nails]

    or even, like our dear friend and MF benefactor, fishymancers.

    [More hoots and back-slapping for Poseidon, who stays cool and nods at his friend once more.]

    However, there are those of us who started out our lives not knowing who or what we wanted to be. There are those of us who made foolish mistakes in our youth, carelessly allotting skill points hither and yon with no thought to the future. You may have thought to yourself, “Hey, this conversion skill looks like it might be fun! I’ll give it a point!†only to rue the day once you realized that all it did was make an enemy sneeze before he returned to pummeling you. Or perhaps you had listened to too many stories from the old fighters who had bested Diablo in Tristram, and thought that skill points were more like spells.

    [Pause for loud roars of laughter. Smile ruefully, gently wave a hand in acknowledgement of past mistakes and youthful ignorance.]

    You may even have thought that Akara would give you a second chance, only to realize in horror that she won’t honor a v 1.12 character now and that you are stuck with what you have done, and not even cleansing the Den of Evil will make her change her mind or relent.

    [Pause again for sharply indrawn breaths as congregation reacts in shock.]

    And I am here to tell you that it is possible to overcome such shortcomings. Yes, with faith, perseverance, and a good fishymancer friend -

    [Poseidon is texting a skellie and doesn’t look up]

    you can indeed overcome. By the grace of the Light, I found a scepter that gave +2 to vengeance. Poseidon brought an Ancient’s Pledge and a Strength scepter back from Harrogath. And look! I am standing here in Horrogath, Shenk’s corpse at my feet, and a shiny new helm for my beloved Annor -

    [who blushes prettily here]

    to show you that it is possible. After all, who among us can go back in time and change our past? Who among us can truly unlearn some skills and become masters at others in the blink of an eye?

    [Uncomfortable rustlings here, because just about everyone else can do this.]

    I say to you, play the hand you were dealt! If your Maker chose to spread you too thin, then they must have had a perfectly good reason for it.

    [Goldtru coughs uncomfortably and wishes the floor would open up and swallow her.]

    Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, never give up! Never surrender! Though you have made mistakes, yea verily the Light will walk with you always.

    GO GET ‘EM!!

    [Wild roars and cheers, then everyone files politely out for coffee and cake.]
  2. Maltatai

    Maltatai IncGamers Member

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    Diablo: Just beginners luck.

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