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Let's question my sexuality.

Discussion in 'Off-Topic' started by Drosselmeier, Feb 11, 2006. | Replies: 193 | Views: 7326

  1. Drosselmeier

    Drosselmeier IncGamers Member

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    Let's question my sexuality.

    I'm going to be completely honest here and speak candidly about fairly personal things, but by all mean, feel free to make whatever bad joke you feel are innapropriate.

    First of all, for those of you who don't keep track of things, I'll be 26 this year so I doubt this is one of those phase-thingies I've heard so musch about.

    When I was younger I had a few homosexual experiences. I aslo had a pretty major crush on a friend of mine when I was about sixteen, but since he was a very good friend I didn't feel like I could act on it. It was pretty painful, and ended with me almost starting to hate him. I didn't understand why at first but later I figured it to be some form of frustrated reaction. I'd felt attracted to guys earlier, but nothing of this caliber.

    After that I figured it was just a one time thing, some sort of weirdness that can happen to anyone who doesn't have too many sexual hangups. Or that Jesus had cured me or something.

    I've always been attracted to girls who wear some sort of male attribute. Girls in male clothing, short hair, et cetera. This I figured was some sort of fetish.

    Lately I've become more and more attracted to men. I can't say I've felt love for any man since that one instance almost ten years ago. I am, however, very attracted to men sexually and I have day dreams about real relationships with men. I've felt this way for years, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore.

    I've had a bunch of girlfriends. Most of my relationships have lasted about two months. After that I've become sick of the girls and unable to stand their company. My only two longer relationships have been with girls I've really really liked, but I'm not sure I've loved them. They've both been highly intelligent, beautiful, funny and kind. Easy to like, in short. I've missed them after breaking up, but at the same time I was sort of relieved when both relationships ended. That's not how it's supposed to feel, is it? Also, I haven't loved them in that obsessive, almost painful way that I felt for my male friend. Both of those relationships were filled with all kinds of trouble by the way, and both of the girls have said afterwards that I'm a great friend but a worthless boyfriend.

    I have been single for about a year and a half now I think, and I have no desire to get a girlfriend. I feel completely uninterested in the whole relationship with a girl thing.

    Now, the obvious question is this: Am I coming out of the closet to myself?

    This is really confusing me since I've never been that adverse to the idea. I always just figured I was straight with a sexual attraction to men (a pretty common thing I understand), or bisexual at the most. Is it possible that I've been hiding something like this from myself for this long?

    I'd like it if the gay posters here could share their experiences. I'm grateful for any input though.

    No jokes about that last sentence please.

    :undecided:
  2. Dawnmaster

    Dawnmaster IncGamers Member

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    Well, first of all, it takes guts to just throw this kind of news into the open.
    A lot of people will understand you, but an evenly big number won't.
    (I know I would be very hesitant to say something like that)

    Secondly,
    If you feel more comfortable among men than women (and more attracted to) I'd say: go for it. Some people will think the same, others will disregard any feelings to the same sex as something "unnatural".

    The important thing is that you do what you feel is best for you, there will always be people that'll judge you, nomatter what decision you make.

    There is no point in trying to hide it, just be yourself, who you want to be.

    Thirdly,
    I don't know about this, although it is pretty common in the animal kingdom (more than being straight) I've never had any desires about men in any way (maybe I'm just weird) I think that's a more female thing to have?

    That's about it actually, if I think of more to say, I'll say it :cool:

    (For the record: I'm very open minded, but evenly straight :wink3: )
  3. masterazn

    masterazn Banned

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    I don't think there's any scientific way to prove that you are homosexual or not, more of a judgement thing really. I think you really just have to try and push your limits and bit and see what flies and what doesn't. If you find yourself comfortable around a man, sexually and/or otherwise, then perhaps it is time to just tell yourself that you do swing that way. The same would apply for women.

    In any case, I think you should really try to express yourself more, let people understand, and not worry so much about "coming out of the closet". Maybe you just never were in the closet to begin with.

    It's nice to see you back, Dross.
  4. Drosselmeier

    Drosselmeier IncGamers Member

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    Thanks.

    For the record, I really don't care about any objections people might have about this. It's none of their business anyway. I know some of my friends would be pretty cruel and make all sorts of tasteless jokes, but at the same time I know that not one of them would be anything but supportive if I turn out to be gay. The only thing that scares me is that this will definitely make my mother cry, but she's stuck by me through worse, and I'm a bit old to let what my parents think control my life.

    The problem isn't that I can't be myself but that I'm a bit confused as to what exactly that is. I suppose the easiest way to go about this would be to get a boyfriend, but I'd still really like to talk about it with people who have similar experiences. I've argued it over and over in my own head, but I don't see that leading to any real revelations. I need other points of reference.
  5. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    I think it's unlikely you've been hiding it from yourself, really only people with serious hang-ups do that. I think it's more likely you're discovering it about yourself now - sexuality is an odd thing and it isn't nearly as clean-cut as everyone thinks. My wife recently realised she is attracted to women after twenty something years of never even considering it. But when she looks back on it she can't see how anything has really changed in her so presumably she was that way all this time, which makes her wonder how she could have not realised. Some people have sudden realisations about their sexuality in their seventies, and it's not always because of social conditioning that they didn't realise earlier.

    Still, it's not a necessary conclusion that you're exclusively (or even dominantly) homosexual. It's possible you could meet a woman you'd love as much as that friend, who knows? Frankly I don't think the words "homosexual", "heterosexual" or even "bisexual" have much meaning, you're attracted to whomever you're attracted to.

    I'm a little peculiar myself. I've had gay sexual fantasies since I was quite young (although the vast majority of my fantasies were about women), and the idea of having sex with another man doesn't bother me in the slightest - in fact I don't think I want to go my whole life without at least trying it. But at the same time, I've never been attracted to another man. Not even a little bit.

    So I guess my point is that sexuality is a very strange beast, and there's not much point trying to analyse it - or even understand it. C'est la vie is my attitude.
  6. Drosselmeier

    Drosselmeier IncGamers Member

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    :wave:

    Nice to be back.
  7. Drosselmeier

    Drosselmeier IncGamers Member

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    This is pretty much what I believe as well. It's just labels, and most things in nature are not that easy to place in neat little categories for easy reference.

    Some things I should probably add.

    I've had some pretty serious emotional/mental problems earlier in life. Some of my doctors said that my relationship problems was due to a defective personality (or whatever the technical term is), but that's completely up the wall since I've never had any problems in my social life with friends other than during specific periods. I know that I've been mis-diagnosed and that my relationship troubles stem elsewhere.

    I've suffered from many and pretty severe depressions. I'm not sure if there's any connection since the reasons for that could be just about anything. I do know that I've felt worse when I've been involved with girls though.

    To be completely honest, which is really a must in this thread, this question is one of the reasons I started posting here again. I could talk to my friends but this is a much better venue, since there are a lot more people here and therefore a lot more of different experiences. I know there are a number of homo/bi-sexual posters here, and I only know four homosexual people in real life, two of which I consider friends. There's also the relative anonymity. It's a lot easier to be completely honest to you guys than to people i meet regularly in real life.
  8. PatMaGroin

    PatMaGroin IncGamers Member

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    I really doubt you're hiding it from yourself, unless you were raised in a less tolerant, more traditional lifestyle kind of way. Pretty much what Dondrei said.

    Can I make a suggestion though? If you do decide that you're hittin for the other team, please don't make it a complete lifestyle change, start talking with the little lisp some of the gay guys use, and acting all fairy-like. It's one thing to be gay, its another thing to be a queer.

    Anyway, back on topic. Before you make the big jump out of the closet and risk ridicule from friends etc, maybe give it a test drive? If you do get in a relationship with a guy and find out it wasnt what you hoped, then at least you can save face with your friends. And if you find out that being gay is for you, and your friends give you crap for it, **** em, they're not worth it anyway.
  9. stormrage112345

    stormrage112345 Banned

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    I'd say just try experimenting. Then again, my opinion doesn't have much value around here. And for the record, storm's not bisexual in the usual sense, but more in the sense of thinking that gender is superficial
  10. Freet

    Freet IncGamers Member

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    Hey Dross, it's nice to see you back, and I would never poke fun at you for something like this.

    Now dondrei however...He just admitted he turned his wife gay. That I will make fun of. *Points and laughs at dondrei*
  11. Punkonjunk

    Punkonjunk IncGamers Member

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    So if every bisexual thought that, I would be totally happy with bisexuality. Unfortunately it's become extremely trendy in highschool. Either attention, drunkeness and attention, or plain ol' horniness and not caring too much where it comes from, alot of the time. Hell, I'd look at it that way if masculine sex didn't freak the hell outta me. Maybe thats kinda close minded, but I like it... with ladies.

    Dross - I'm sorry man, but if you had a crush on a guy, and little interest in ladies... except for a fetish for masculine ladies... well, that sounds kinda homo to me. As was suggested, I'd give experimentation a shot. See what you like, try to figure it out. maybe you could have just repressed hardcore when you were younger, on the whole homosexuality thing, so it's had to come out in attraction to women? Either way, I'd say, give it a shot. See if it's super awkward, or if it kinda flows with you.

    Emotional disturbance, is what they told me. **** doctors, they can't test these things chemically, they guess. Same thing with ADD/ADHD, but thats a whole different rant alltogether.

    Easier to be honest here than in real life? I'm the exact same way.. it's a bit wierd to anon all over the internet my problems, versus talking to people I know... but that's just me. *shrug*
    Good luck with it, whatever you do with it.
  12. Drosselmeier

    Drosselmeier IncGamers Member

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    :laugh:

    I seriously doubt I could even if I wanted to. I am who I am and I carry myself in the way most natural to me. That's not something you can change.

    Besides, effete men is a big turn off for me, and I detest fashion slaves. Why would it be appealing to act like I was one of the Fab5?


    That's some pretty good advice. I've been thinking about something like that myself. The first response to something like this will probably be "he's experimenting" or "it's a phase". I don't want to have those discussions, and it would be extremely embarrassing if those reactions turn out to be right. The only problem is that any form of double-life seems like a pretty stressful and difficult life to lead, but if it's only for a while and for a specific purpose I guess I could swing it.

    Also, again, none of my friends will cut me off for something like this. They'll make fun of me and my sexuality for years, but that's just the usual jargon we use. I've been making fun of one of my friends for over a decade now because he used to be a clown in a circus group for kids. Every time we meet.
  13. Khatharsis

    Khatharsis IncGamers Member

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    Hm. There is the chance that you aren't gay, bi, or even straight. There is such a thing as being asexual, but that's just as complicated as understanding the gay community (ie, there are those that don't like/want any kind of sex or being touched, there are those that don't like/want sex but do like to touch, etc.). In the end, it all falls down to testing it out before you can be positive.
  14. PatMaGroin

    PatMaGroin IncGamers Member

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    You mean he can reproduce by himself? That's pretty badass.
  15. Punkonjunk

    Punkonjunk IncGamers Member

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    Asexual in reference to humankind usually means void of sexuality. I considered myself one for a long time.
  16. bigD72

    bigD72 IncGamers Member

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    Trial and Error. It's something you have to figure out for yourself.
  17. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    I don't think that's very likely. I mean, it didn't sound like it from what he said. And in any case true asexuality is very rare, and is usually a result of sexual abuse as a child, I think.

    I wouldn't jump to conclusions - it's possible he's completely gay, but he has had relationships with women, it's just that he didn't feel totally in love with them, they only lasted a few months and he felt kind of relieved when they were over. There are plenty of guys who are completely straight who experience that, too.

    And liking women who are a bit masculine is circumstantial. I like tomboys and otherwise manly women too, but I've never been attracted to a man.
  18. Dondrei

    Dondrei IncGamers Member

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    Thanks for the insults and ridicule, Freet. My esteem for you has dropped considerably.

    Just thought you should know.

    I see that maturity isn't your speciality.

    It's been a joy ... a thrill ... its been sad ... its been angry, but life is short and all things come to an end.

    Cya Freet, Durf, Mac, and all the rest.

    Have a good one


    With my compliments,


    Dondrei :hanky:
  19. Punkonjunk

    Punkonjunk IncGamers Member

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    Oh, I didn't want it to seem like I was jumping to conclusions.
    It just seems like the circumstances point towards experimentation, not determined homosexuality.
    I've a big thing for tomboyish girls. Femininity is overrated, and makeup is sick, IMHO. But I just don't really like the idea of being with a guy, so I'm sure I'm not homosexual. He doesn't know that, he's had crushes on guys... I just kinda figured you know, give it a shot. It seems to point a bit in that direction.
  20. stormrage112345

    stormrage112345 Banned

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    And now you're mocking Ilad? How dare you.

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