Necromancer's Plight

[linux_junkie]

I got somewhat favorable responses from my last piece, so I decided to give this another shot. I didn't plan on making this into a series, but, if people continue to read it and like it, I'll keep making them. Thus, I present you with my next short piece.





The Fallen warrior yelled in ecstasy. "Rakanishu!"

The searing flames rolled over his body, wave after wave. He died with a smile.

----

"Thank you, Layla. These will do quite nicely." A pale, wiry man jogged towards the scattering of corpses.

"This is obscene. Don't you dare do that again." Layla glared at Breloch with her most fearsome glare.

"What... THIS!" Breloch whirled back towards the battleground, a white light flashing from the tip of his wand. The light hit a Fallen warrrior, and the creature's flesh burst outwards, leaving a bleached white skeleton. The skeleton slowly rose to its feet, and looked around with its empty, eyeless sockets.

"Damn it, Breloch!"

----

The Fallen warrior slowly felt himself descending.

"What is this feeling, this wonderful, blissful feeling?" the warrior thought to himself.

The darkness gave way to a bright red light, and he continued to descend. Every moment filled him with increasing happiness. He was going to the life eternal. The exalted warrior's heaven. His master would welcome him, and he would be able to- What's this? He was yanked upwards forcefully, faster and faster. No!

He burst into being.

Standing up slowly, he surveyed his environment, and was dismayed to realize it was much like before. Only, more, dead.

----

"I told you not to do that! Let the wretched beast burn in hell, not live on in this mockery of all that is holy and sacred!" Layla marched towards Breloch.

"What? What's so wrong about... THIS!" Another white light shot out from his wand. Same light, same grisly effect.

"Damn it! Do you know what Rieve will do when he comes back and sees those two here?"

"Three."

"Three?"

Another white light.

"God damn it!"

Breloch smiled. "Shall we try for four?" He waved his wand tauntingly.

"You do and I'll tell Rieve that _you_ were the one who stole his silver necklace," Breloch's smile vanished, "and that you sold it, and spent the money on loose women and drinks."

Breloch grimaced. "Fine. But I'm keeping these three."

"Why do you have to always-"

The sounds of clanging metal echoed from behind, and quickly grew louder. A figure clad in shining metal armor pounded furiously from behind. He stood next to Layla, and looked at her.

"I'm sorry I took so long. I didn't mean too, but the prayer service ran a little long." Rieve turned and looked at the carnage. "Oh, I see you already encountered some trouble, and took care of it I see. And you did a fine job of it- By Zakarum! You heathen! You raise the dead in my presence!" He pointed his mace at Breloch.

"Well, actually, I raised them before you got here."

"In my very presence!"

"Um, no. If I did it while you were gone, then that would mean NOT in your-"

"To raise the undead in my very presence is sacrilege!"

"No, I raised them beforehand. They are already up and about. Hence, raised. Past tence."

Rieve ran forward, mace raised over his head.

"Zakarum, guide my mace so that I may send these abominations to the underworld! Zakarum!"

----

The Fallen warrior looked around. Why was he back here all of a sudden? He had just died, he was sure of it. The Spell Lady had shot her fire at us all, and I died. What is going on. Oh. Damn it! The Bone Man! Matron told us about Bone Men. They were heathens who postponed the eternal, and made slaves out of Fallen warriors. No!

The Spell Lady was talking to the Bone Man about something. He couldn't understand any of it. He never did care to learn Big People speak. It was too thick and clumsy. It took to long to say anything in Big People speak.

The Spell Lady seemed angry about something. Two more of his brethren burst out of their skins and rose. Is that what he looked like when he rose? Disgusting!

Soon the Silver Man came. He looked angry and kept pointing towards him. Silver Men were funny. All the Fallen laughed at them. They beieved in a god that you couldn't even see. How stupid. They were stupid. The Silver Man yelled and ran at him and his two cursed comrades. He swung his spiky club and smashed one of my ally's skulls. Lucky bastard. Hopefully he breaks me next. I want to go back. Nope. He got my other ally. Well, just me. What? The Bone Man tackled him! No!

----

Breloch winced with each swing of the mace. His poor babies. They were freshly risen, and had not yet tasted the power of his will. They were free spirits. It was a travesty to break them before they felt his awesome might. He had to stop this! Bracing himself, he charged headfirst into Rieve.

Oof!

Thump!

Breloch stood up, wincing with pain. Rieve leapt to his feet.

"So you want to duel, you backstabbing coward?"

"No. Stop killing my creations."

"I will not tolerate this sacrilege!"

"Listen. I need this to survive. My core beliefs tell me that this is right. I don't get angry at you every time you pray or yell 'Zakarum', do I?"

"How could anyone be not agree with the Churches teachings?"

"Easy, I don't"

"Because you are a heathen."

"I NEED my creations to survive. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean you have the right to go around destroying what I create. Look at them. They were utterly defenseless. They didn't even fight back! They just took your monstrous beatings! Poor things..."

Layla stepped forward. "Both of you STOP IT! I'm so sick of you too bickering. Just leave each other alone. Damn it!"

Breloch and Rieve both slowly stood up, each staring at the ground guiltily.

"Rieve, I-"

Rieve dashed forward and quickly shattered the remaining skeleton with his fist.

"God damn it! That's it, Rieve! It's go time!"

Both men darted for each other. Layla shook her head.

----

Ah... Descending... Finally, I get to return. Who knew that a Silver Man would have a use after all? The warrior's heaven awaits. Yes...

----

Weewee, the outcast Fallen, continues his slow, drudging walk. Finally, off on his own, free to do what he pleases... now what the hell to do? He sees a sign that with some strange Big People letters. Beneath is an arrow pointing east. Eh, why not? Weewee turned left and started walking.

[linux_junkie]

I'm sorry about the double post. I accidentally clicked the submit button, but clicked stop right away. I had wanted to change my intro. I _thought_ that it didn't send, since I clicked stop. But it did. Sorry. Please delete the other one, oh gracious forum moderators.

[Gdog4evr]

Originally Posted by linux_junkie

"Damn it! Do you know what Rieve will do when he comes back and sees those two here?"

"Three."

"Three?"

Another white light.

"God damn it!"

This literally made me laugh out loud A few quick grammer notes:

Originally Posted by Linux Junkie

"Oh, I see you already encountered some trouble, and took care of it I see.

Pick one instance of "I see" that you want to keep, and stick with that one. Maybe something along the lines of, "Oh, I see you already encountered some trouble, and took care of it easily/as well/without much difficulty/without me/necromancers bite."

Originally Posted by Linux Junkie

And you did a fine job of

Maybe you did this on purpose, since the paladin is thicker than a drunk barbarian, but I don't think you're supposed to start a sentance with "and". Can anyone help me with this one? It's been a while, I forget the details of why.

Originally Posted by Linux Junkie

"Zakarum, guide my mace so that I may send these abominations to the underworld! Zakarum!"

Most of these seem to be centered around the paladin, don't they? Anyways, once again possibly done for artistic reasons, but I get the feeling that a paladin, even a paladin denser than lead, would cry out the name of something Zakarum worships, rather than the name of the church itself. I mean, you don't see the Pope charging off to kill skeletons shouting "Caholic!" do you? Er, wait, maybe that's a bad example...

"Listen. I need this to survive. My core beliefs tell me that this is right. I don't get angry at you every time you pray or yell 'Zakarum', do I?"

"How could anyone be not agree with the Churches teachings?"

No nitpicks here, just wanted to say that I was expecting the paladin to shout, "Zakarum!" again at this point

Despite for a few petty gramatical errors, I found it quite enjoyable. However, since these are such short, related peices (rather like chaptors of the same story, don't you think?) perhaps you should keep them in one thread, rather than making a new thread per submission.

[Snowglare]

Gdog

"Maybe you did this on purpose, since the paladin is thicker than a drunk barbarian, but I don't think you're supposed to start a sentance with "and". Can anyone help me with this one? It's been a while, I forget the details of why."

Starting a sentence with a conjunction (and, or, but) is fine. Also, necros > you

"perhaps you should keep them in one thread, rather than making a new thread per submission."

Yes. Maybe not all of them, but at least this one and Fallen Life, since they're two chapters of the same story.

The Story

"You do and I'll tell Rieve that _you_ were the one who stole his silver necklace"

Underscores (_) should not be used unless necessary, as when posting on a forum that lacks html/other code support. Instead emphasize the word by making it bold or italic. E.G. {i}you{/i} with [] instead of {}: you.

"I didn't mean too, but the prayer service ran a little long."

Too should be to.

"How could anyone be not agree with the Churches teachings?"

Should be anyone not and Church's.

Nice little story. Makes me think of Surreal's old Fallen tales. Wish he had continued those.