Tell me a joke! Win a car

[Leopold Stotch]

So you killed your in-laws or did you pay Chimpy to do it for you?

[BobCox2]

IT'S TRUE STORY


1 NSFW Word starts with F and ends with UCK and it's not Firetruck in the image

Spoiler

We Don't need no Stinking Badges

[Vivi]

Adapted from a Discworld novel:

This guy walked into a pub carrying a small piano. He puts in on the bar and has a few drinks. When it comes time to pay up he says to the publican, "I bet you double or nothing I can show you the most amazing thing you ever saw."

"Okay, but I warn you, I've seen some weird stuff."

The guy takes out a tiny stool, which he sits in front of the piano. He then reaches into his robes and pulls out a box, about a foot long, with tiny air-holes in it. He takes off the lid and inside is a tiny man, fast asleep. As the lid opens he wakes up. Instantly he jumps to the piano and plays a perfect rendition of ‘The Moonlight Sonata’! Then, as everyone in the bar is clapping, he jumps back into the box and closes the lid.

"Wow!" The publican says, and wipes the slate clean. "If I give you another drink, could you do it again?" The guy agrees. This time the little man plays Für Elise, to thunderous applause.

"I gotta ask, where did you get that?"

"Well, a few months ago I was travelling across the deserts, when I suddenly came across a glass bottle. I picked it up and rubbed it and lo and behold, out popped a Genie. For some reason it was holding a curved bone to his ear and talking to it."

"'Genie,' I said to him, 'I have freed you, and in return I ask only three wishes.'"

"'Huh?' The genie said, looking at me for the first time. 'Oh, OK, three, whatever.' He then started talking to the bone again."

"'Genie, I would like a million bucks!' I said to him."

"Did you get it?"

"Not exactly. The genie kept talking to the bone and he waved one of his hands. Instantly, I was surrounded by a million ducks. Then they flew away."

"What was your second wish?"

"I said to him: 'I want to be the ruler the world!' the Genie was still talking to his bone, but he waved his free hand and a piece of wood appeared, with inches marked on it."

"Oh, a ruler. It sounds like the genie wasn't paying much attention. Did you get your third wish?"

"Let me put it like this: do you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"

[krischan]

With a very few changes, it could be turned into a Beethoven joke

If a German man needs a Viagra pill, how many will it need?
Two. If he takes just one, only the right arm goes up.

[BobCox2]

I love getting the jokes now that you missed in cartoons when you were a kid.

[Leopold Stotch]

With a very few changes, it could be turned into a Beethoven joke

If a German man needs a Viagra pill, how many will it need?
Two. If he takes just one, only the right arm goes up.

LMAO!! gonna have to share that one.

Adapted from a Discworld novel:

This guy walked into a pub carrying a small piano. He puts in on the bar and has a few drinks. When it comes time to pay up he says to the publican, "I bet you double or nothing I can show you the most amazing thing you ever saw."

"Okay, but I warn you, I've seen some weird stuff."

The guy takes out a tiny stool, which he sits in front of the piano. He then reaches into his robes and pulls out a box, about a foot long, with tiny air-holes in it. He takes off the lid and inside is a tiny man, fast asleep. As the lid opens he wakes up. Instantly he jumps to the piano and plays a perfect rendition of ‘The Moonlight Sonata’! Then, as everyone in the bar is clapping, he jumps back into the box and closes the lid.

"Wow!" The publican says, and wipes the slate clean. "If I give you another drink, could you do it again?" The guy agrees. This time the little man plays Für Elise, to thunderous applause.

"I gotta ask, where did you get that?"

"Well, a few months ago I was travelling across the deserts, when I suddenly came across a glass bottle. I picked it up and rubbed it and lo and behold, out popped a Genie. For some reason it was holding a curved bone to his ear and talking to it."

"'Genie,' I said to him, 'I have freed you, and in return I ask only three wishes.'"

"'Huh?' The genie said, looking at me for the first time. 'Oh, OK, three, whatever.' He then started talking to the bone again."

"'Genie, I would like a million bucks!' I said to him."

"Did you get it?"

"Not exactly. The genie kept talking to the bone and he waved one of his hands. Instantly, I was surrounded by a million ducks. Then they flew away."

"What was your second wish?"

"I said to him: 'I want to be the ruler the world!' the Genie was still talking to his bone, but he waved his free hand and a piece of wood appeared, with inches marked on it."

"Oh, a ruler. It sounds like the genie wasn't paying much attention. Did you get your third wish?"

"Let me put it like this: do you really think I asked for a twelve-inch pianist?"

XD wonderful!!!

[BobCox2]

This Shirt on this kid.




If you don't get It. I get the Car.

[Porkchopsamwich]

That Animaniacs one is the best haha! Also, 8008135

[Stevinator]

So you killed your in-laws or did you pay Chimpy to do it for you?

I thought your customer did.

Chimpy is AWOL. He left to go find some some girl he met on the internet for sundaes, and never returned...

[Leopold Stotch]

Oh. Sundaes...

*hides double banana split behind back*