I remember a saying that keeps me motivated when I'm lazy: "Boredom is the sign of an idle mind"
Need to remember this. My mind must be idle a lot :(
I'm fusing to post because I firmly agree with the title:
Rl: 3 day weekend. Hopefully will get to spend it with my lady friend. We had a talk today, which went better than the worse; good, but imo not as good as the best it could have went. We shallsee though. Hind sight is 20/20.
D2: may decide to play some on my desktop. haven't felt like gaming for a few Weeks now.
Ovg: same as above
I've been down in the dumps more often than usual the past month. I'd reckon part of it had to do with this girl. That, and mental rollercoasters that haven't hit in a while but hit with vengeance yesterday.
It could be with an old 'habit' I started a couple Weeks ago also. (let.s just say its green) pretty sure its classified as a depressant...which could possibly explain the depressed feelings I've had, but it seems to help the day go by somewhat...
Idk... I've felt so lost here lately its pitiful feeling. Maybe I should get back into God and all of that. if I do (more like when...), I don't want it to be the same old things again, just going to church pretty much. That's a good thing. It just feels like there its this huge void in my life that I cannot seem to satisfy. It sucks. And why the f would medication that helps depression havea side effect that causes suicidal thoughts? That's one reason I try and suppress those feelings...
I honestly don't know what i'm even doing any more...
@coju: man, that sounds tough. I used to feel a void. I desire to express myself somehow. I tried various things to do it. I tried music, but didn't have the patience to learn it. I tried to draw, but I wasn't good, and again, ran out of patience to get good. Now I'm trying coding. I'm actually getting somewhere with it too. It could be that I've finally found something that will let me fulfill that desire to express.
What sort of void do you have? Do you need to know the meaning of life? Do you, like me, need to express?
I used to wonder what's the point of life, and I can't find one. We're just here. A collection of cells that all work together for a common goal of staying alive. So for me the purpose of life is survival. But being a smart human being, I can recognize that I don't need to just follow my purpose. I can do things that make life good. I can hang out with friends, I can learn things, I can play computer games. All these things make life good, and I enjoy living it.
I used to get my blood drawn, for tests and stuff, ALOT. After a while I understood that pain is fleeting. It's just there for a second, and then it's gone. Tough times come and go. Don't let them weigh you down.
There is thing I do when I'm in a bad mood, all my games annoy me, and there's just nothing to do. I just go to bed early.
I think it was Eric Steven Raymond who said(wrote) that line about idle mind. It means that if you're sitting there bored, your mind is going to waste. It's not doing anything, when it could be learning, or solving a problem. It just tells me to get off my butt and do something productive. You should too.
This post has gotten quite long and deep. I hope it's of use to somebody.
Thank you pijus. It is as helpful post. As for the void, believe its mainly relationshipable. Not just female companionship, but genuine friends and the such. I've heard smthn that said 'spend time with those who want to spend time with you' (or smthn to that extent).
When I quit smoking pot, I had to distance myself from those friends.that was in 07. I've made a few since, well, very few that I actually talked to more than just at church. One its married, and I've became friends with her husband, do that's cool. I really like three both of them. The other I honestly don't care much for. I mean, its cool getting to be able to hang out with someone, its just I cannot stand his ways: the way he does stuff, goes about things...
I've since got ahold of some past friends within the last year or two, but its never been the same, ya know? Got out of the loop persay, and they're hanging out with 'kids' now (4-5 years Younger) and still just partying.
I'm also tired of being alone. I need a woman. I need someone I can be good to and do stuff for, yaknow? Someone that'll be there for me. My last relationship ended 5yrs ago and really messed me up. Took me a good minute to finally get over it. I've asked a couple girls out, and neither lasted more than a week or so. in February, I asked a girl out from work, and we've been taking for over a month now. Let me tell you, whenever we're together, it is great. I've forgot how good it is to have someone in your arms. Thing is, she doesn't want a bf/date... Wants to do her own thing.
We talked today, told her how I felt, she knew since i've been getting stuff for her. Said she likes me too, doesn't want a bf. But things may change. Kept saying she was sorry about it... Didn't quite understand that part...
I feel its mostly that part listed above. Although, I have let my mind go to waste. I want to get back into school, but have no drive to actually do it. No drive, that's the word. I have no drive. No motivation. No gas. Hardly any energy it seems. this isn't all the time, as there are spurts of energy that get me to do stuff. There are times when I do get to hang out and enjoy myself. They seem too far and in between though, as i've been doing the same **** for the past half of my life: nothing.
I may add that i've had as pornography addiction for half my life, that the only times I wasn't looking at it I was going hard drugs, then had a gf I was having sex with. Once that ended, I went straight back without realizing it. I've been trying to quit for the better part ofthree years now. Can say that i've only look at it twice since starting to talk to this girl. Guess she's been on my mind too much.
I looked into problems that addiction causes, and it seems to me that i'm going through is typical for those who finally realize it. Apparently those who were able to quit were able to get friends again, get a steady gf, have energy to do stuff and get out more.
Going back to school and learning aren't the same thing. At least from where I'm standing. I can't handle formal learning at all. All the rules, the order, the rigidity just distracts me and make me nervous. I love learning just on my own though, It's a great mental high. I'm cosidering going to school to learn computer science. If I can stay interested in code.
What I'm saying is, don't go to scool to go to school. First find what you want to learn.
And there in lays the problem. Figuring out what to do. You are true that those are not the same thing. I used to rely like messing with computers in high school. I need to do a few things on mine today, so I reckon I can see if I still enjoying it.
I do know I enjoy problem solving and having to use my brain, and actually think about stuff. That's i've thing I really enjoy I do know. Now, where to go with it...
RL: Hand is finally healing I think, unfortunately, it seems clicking the mouse tends to make it really sore and not sure if its what my hand needs right now so D2 is kinda dead. I want to go beat the crap out of my boxing bag so bad, hopefully early next week.
D2: See above, maybe a smidge.
OVG: Wakfu it seems will I'll ride that wave until D3 hits.
@Cujo; Motivation is the biggest factor and getting out of that funk is different for everyone, I know I've been there. Luckily when I get down for a couple days my younglings always bring me out of it, though before that it was hard. Believe it or not I get down when I am not working, I've never had steady employment due to the economy so when we had a two week involuntary paid leave a couple weeks ago I was down because I wanted to go to work. Think you need to just find what your looking for. Church has never been a strong part of my life, but I am certain it helps many feel revitalized, spiritual healing and power of prayer I believe.