Actually, probably no one cares enough to see that it's coming, but anyways.
What to say about Johnny? So much... joined in 2003, used to Diablo, ~9000 posts. Most people SEE Johnny, but do they KNOW Johnny? Thus, the purpose of my thread.
You see, Johnny was a cute little D2 nerd like everyone else. Check out these awesome threads from 2003.
I need 45%+ wartravs
Im looking for a 6% arrets face
By observing Johnny for so long, most people probably realize he would be the god character where he hands out advice and items? But nope, he was vulnerable just like everyone else. Check out this thread:
Need advice on a Maul barbarian
For these early threads, I like to note not so much about contents (isn't that the Johnny we know? no content, haha... ZING!), but the location.
Barbarian forum, European forum, and Trade.
For someone who works in a US Power Plant, he apparently really dislike the US. Hold the thought, this will come back as a recurring theme later.
Even by his early form, we can see a glimpse of future Johnny. The fact that he used the word "barbarian" instead of the common lingo "barb." How eloquent! A form of grace usually found in elite European ruling class, perhaps it's a sign? No doubt, this has everything to do with why Johnny would play in Europe and not US. Yet, what strikes me as most paradoxial is the fact that he posted in barbarian forum.
A "barb," ruthless gunsliger, kill first, question later... very American like in attribute. Yet, we know Johnny likes to be a classy European, so what gives? Perhaps the gentle inside of a barbarian and how he never slaughter bunnies and Bambie have something to do with it. Indeed, Johnny saw a complex morph between brutalism and grace.
This cute phase, let's call it "the d2 phase" where Johnny's post consist of more than 10 words: for example, this thread!
So what has happened to D2 in the past year?
You will notice how I posted the title of all his thread instead of a mystery link. As I said, Johnny is not about the content, he is WAY beyond that. Thus, feel free to not go into any of his thread, as the title is all you need.
Johnny would soon grow out of his d2 phase, it wasn't long before he stepped into the realm of the vaunted "aw-tee."
His first thread titled:
Mailmen refusing to deliver advertising mail for hategroups, right or wrong?
A moderate success... 23 replies. Of course, back then OT was like instant message and threads generally average in the 50's... but that's not the point. Johnny made a succesful debut, and establish a trend of posting for years to come.
"Is it gender discrimination for Volvo..."
"Does anyone else here think cantelope.."
Were 2 examples of the simple yes/no answer type response Johnny hopes to generate. Now, I want to direct your attention not to the lack of contents (because again, it's pretty established), but the concern Johnny must have on dualism. To him, there is no gray area! Also hold this thought, more to come.
During Johnny's OT reign, he grew bolder and bolder. Coincidentally, as the famous Maddox grew more infamous during the same time period. Is Johnny a copycat? I don't know, but check out these titles that reminisce of Maddox.
"Give us money and we will pretend you own a star."
"David Letterman is not funny."
"I dont give a damn if Jesus was sent to heaven on this day. I have laundry to do."
Also, if you are looking for evidence of Johnny's attempt at elitism, look no further than how he actually posted SENTENCES in his thread title, instead of treating them like... well... TITLES. Bravo, Johnny, bravo... (even got the period too!)
What also strikes me during this period is that Johnny's frequent attempt to ask people how to crack mp3s (or whatever), fix computers, or clean out basements. Now, am I suggesting Johnny is a terrorist? Nope... but we all have to ask questions. What can Johnny be doing in his basement that require:
Is it attributes to bomb making? I don't know, but I suppose Al Qaeda bomb makers also probably couldn't afford CD's and can't stand fruit flies.
Also, Johnny again show us the complex dynamics by making threads about recommendation for games. Clearly, Johnny wants to leave D2, but couldn't. It's again this struggle of dualism that defines the gentle side of Johnny, but let's move on.
So Johnny isn't legendary for thread making. 170 vs 9000 total post counts, accounting for roughly 2%. Clearly, contributing isn't Johnny strong suit. (Hold this idea, it will come back) Only through 98% of his famous "one-liners" can we really look inside the world of Johnny.
Of course, there is no way that I care enough about Johnny to filter through his 9000 one-liners, so I will just give you the most recent 10.
This one in my most recent thread:
Mad Cow Disease
"You are a complete tool. Smeg?"
Note the simplicity of his arguments? So vague so it contains everything. Even added a little British "smeg" at the end to show his European superiority. You can't really rebuke it because well... there is no content! It's like trying to divide by zero, you can't! If there is a Nobel Prize for great debates, no doubt Johnny would have won it every year.
Debating Nationalized Health Care Bill
"What does that matter? Every single republican vote against it without reading it and the drmocrats voted for it without reading it. What else is new?"
Another typical Johnny strategy: "The world sucks, nothing new... so no debate." Again, brilliant work! Not only does he give you nothing to argue back (because, you can't really argue the world sucks), and proclaim his superiority over you by noting that you did not see the simple fact, in this case "politicians suck," while he did. Brilliant work.
This one of Leo's Thread, remembering Jimmy Sullivan
"That he might accidentaly have fallen on a cloud of buckshot."
Can't figure this guy out! Just when he wants everyone to hate him, he threw out a occasional comedy to keep you off balanced. Brilliant work, I am to tears with the aura of his brilliance. (again, contributing to nothing about Jimmy Sullivan, but managed to look like he is relevant, awesome!)
This one debating Obama
"You don't give a **** about how your country spends your money. You're just pissed that someone you didn't vote for is wasting your money instead of someone you *did* vote for wasting them"
Johnny ramping up the personal attack. As Lao Tsu once said, "take the offense to the bad guys." (Actually, I don't know if Lao Tsu said it, but seems like everything is said by Lao Tsu, so this must be too) Johnny can't possibly remain passive to decipher what other people is thinking, he thinks for you! Again, you can't argue back, because any argument to try to explain your own thought will only make yourself seem silly, exactly under the grasp of Johnny.
Here is Johnny in "War on Kids"
"Wow that webpage is complete ****. They had the chance to just take any standard browser tower defense game and give it an awesome theme and the turned it to another one of those ****ty scored quizzes."
Obviously, Johnny is smarter than that to bypass the word filter (as seen by his usage of "smeg"), but why he managed to let one slip? I think Johnny is brilliantly trying to protray his anger. Video game, one thing that keeps him occupied from... bomb making? ... whatever he is doing in his basement... is being insulted. This can't be! Johnny wants the whole world to know that even though some innocent halarity brought by fellow forumers cannot be tolerated if violated his sanctuary.
Here is Johnny on Global Warming Gate:
"Actually that's religion."
Note Johnny's brillaince to compare 2 similar things, albeit totally different in nature, but forming a correlation none the less.
Here is Johnny on a White Hating White Man
"Wash the mascara off. Put down the razor blade and get a haircut."
This one is very strange, (not his approach, his approach is as predictable. dominance, irrelevance, and unreturnable), but the fact that he is against a white American hating white. I think this is due to the fact that Johnny hates another person trying to imitate him. We established that Johnny has a lot of pride. He can't stand other people having a chance to return his arguments, that's why he came up with the technique of undebatable statements. Imagine how he must felt when he saw someone trying to be HIM! It must be agonizing. I feel your pain Johnny, no one can really step in your shoes as they are most likely radioactive.
Mods, please note... I am not in any way or form calling Johnny for being a ignorant, disruptive, retarded, homo-hating, ***** white supremist. I merely want to understand Johnny through my very scientific and psychologically based analysis. I wish more people would know about Johnny.
Did you know:
Average person has roughly 50 words in their post, while Johnny has less than 10? So while you compiled only 1800 posts with the total amount of your words, he managed to stretch that to 9000. If that isn't brilliance, I don't know Derek Jeter.
Did you know an average person can take up to 5 flaks for having an opinion about something? Johnny managed to take none.
Did you know by Johnny being in the South, coincidentally... KATRINA! He is the storm, he is rain and the wind. Johnny is like a hurricane.
Did you know Johnny voted for the only communist candidate in this presidential election? Talk about outside the box.
Did you know Johnny eats kryptonite for breakfast just to show up Superman? Only the man of steel.
Did you know Johnny is the mastermind behind 2012? A movie with no content and full of witty one-liners.
~a tribute to Johnny