This is just a fun thread to explore alternatives to the secret cow level. One person came up with a "pink dungeon" as a good joke by Blizzard to respond to the petitions. That got me thinking; why not have a secret chocolate level?
The enemies are made out of brown chocolate. As a consequence, they all have -100 fire resist. This level can borrow many monsters from the game, change them to a brown color, and make them animated to melt with fire damage. To prevent fire specialists from being overpowered, there can be Walt Disney style giant forks and spoons than float around and poke or pommel you respectively. These are metal so they are immune to fire. Some of the monsters, like those living trees we saw in the gameplay video, bleed maple syrup or caramel, depending on how deep you are in the level.
When the monsters die, they drop large gold coins; however, the gold is just shiny foil covering chocolate coins. There are giant chocolate easter eggs lying around which you can kick open like barrels. Some are hollow and contain items, while others have a mysterous yolk-colored goo inside.
The floors and walls are also made out of chocolate, and there are other candy decorations to make an atmosphere resembling the gingerbread house from Hansel and Grettel. So there are candy-cane pillars, pink pepermint altars, marshmallow sofas, and gummy bear statues.
The interactive environment can allow you to pluck lollipop fence posts out of the floor and use them as mace class weapons, but you can't dual-wield and they do small damage since they are just for laughs. When you try to repair them, the blacksmith says, "Now what the hell am I supposed to do with this?" If you kill Diablo with a lollipop you get a special ending where you see a heroic portrait of your chr wielding the lollipop with a dead-serious look on his or her face.
Some of the skills may have their artwork changed. The WD's mongrels might become little plastic toy soldiers and the scary spirit thing that hovers over his head may be a doctor waving his finger at the bad guys...
As you go deeper into the secret chocolate level, you start noticing large bites taken out of the corners, candy furniture with parts broken off, and decorative patterns on the walls where many smarties are missing.
At the end you find an ominous giant cake sitting there. A thousand pounder boss smashes out of the cake and he has chocolate melted all over his face. Could this be the culprit who has been eating parts of the secret chocolate level? Instead of the usual maces, he tries to squash you between two enorous pie pans which magically refill with whip cream upon each explosive clash of the pans. The floor, walls, and likely your character, are covered with whip cream by the time the battle is over.
He drops a fortune cookie for each party member if you kill him. Each one contains a random paper with a message on it, and the message will actually come true. So for instance, if it says "The road to hell is paved with gold", there will actually be piles of gold covering that skull path that rises out of the blood leading to the hell portal after you kill Mephisto if such a portal exists in d3. For the message on the The Simpsons episode, "You will find happiness with a new love", a same-class character of opposite gender will eventually get pulled out of their game interupting their quests/business there and they will appear (in a cloud of pink smoke) right in front of the person who got that forune cookie message. They will be like, "OMG?? What am I doing in this game?" All the while, unseen to the "new love", little red hearts are eminating from her/his body.
If this is too violating to players, then the prophecy can come true later when a random same-class but opposite gender charcter is partied up with the fortune cookie holder and suddenly the screen is filled with raining love hearts with little love messages on each one. The "new love's" armor may get permanently changed so the artwork now has a giant heart engraved on it bearing the name of the fortune cookie holder. Any arrows picked up may have heart-shaped arrowheads.
If someone dies in the secret chocolate level, they are booted out and suddenly they wake up in bed with all their gear neatly stacked beside them. Phew, it was all just a dream.
Or was it? Their party members may come back with fortune cookies and even a lollipop or a handful of chocolate coins.
Does anyone else have secret level ideas?