I'm sure she's sorry you're not together anymore now!
I know my ex's were briefly sorry.
"Hoveround takes me where I want to go."
You know, there's much to say for how I deal with being afraid. I've suffered from panic attacks years ago, and being so close to the edge of anxiety for such a long time teaches you many things. How to stay calm, how to distract yourself, how to breathe to avoid hyperventilation.
I no longer suffer from panic attacks or anxiety attacks, no more than an average person.
I went to the hospital. Appearantly it was unclear whether I was going to get a mild aneasthetic. As it would have meant having to stay in the hospital for another 2 hours and arrange someone to pick me up (I don't mind being alone but sometimes it's painfully unpractical and lonely) I decided against it.
The examination was, to be honest, worse than I imagined. Bawling like a baby. I felt like I was being tortured, choking, every alarmbell in my body screaming. I tried to breathe as calmly as possible. I was glad a nice nurse was beside me. They said I did well but I don't feel I did.
Appearantly, my body so violently choking means I'm incredibly healthy. As you grow older, your choking reflex becomes less and less.
And then, after all this unpleasantness on my day off: all looks in perfect shape. No anomaly.
They didn't understand how that brought on more tears rather than less. The dissappointment hurts as much as my throat. For the latter I can take paracetamol, which does seem to help a bit.
I'm able to eat again, and I'm drinking a nice herbal tea to sooth my incredibly sore throat. But I feel drained and exhausted.
No, just the appointment next week where the doctor will talk me through everything they didn't find.
Thanks everyone. I do feel very drained.