WMD discovered in Johnnys living room. help me find a suitable target.
So I was doing a serious clean-up of my apartment and under a pile of old toys I found a perfectly sealed. 3 year old plastic can of surstromming (sour herring) Waaaaaay past its overdue date.
My friend noticed it and he said it couldnt possibly contain sour herring as we would have smelled it before. I decided we needed to investigate so we took the can out to the balcony where I started opening it. As I started opening it. The seal just broke slightly and in an instant my balcony was turned inhospitable. We ran back into the apartment in a panic. After straping on a gas mask I managed to get back out on the balcony and seal the can using a glue gun and it no longer smells.
But that raises a more important issue. What to do with a 3 year old can of sour herring. The possibilities are endless. Who to throw it at. Whos car to compleatly destroy. Whos mailbox to poor it down. Drop it on. Launch it towards. Makes me wish I had a whole apartment full of sour herring.... but then again mayby not. What on earth should I do with this little jewel?
I'd say break it up into several smaller 'stinkproof' containers, so you can spread the joy out. I don't know how warm it gets in Swedenland in the summer, but I'd say save it for then.
Yes I did consider summer. The problem is that all people I want to use it against have car alarms. I would love to throw the whole content inside thier car then let it soak a whole summer day but it just doesnt have the same feeling if I just smash the window then throw it inside and run for my escape car before the owner comes running.
Find yourself that truely deserves this. I like self-rightous religious leaders who beg for money constantly.
Break into the mark's vehicle. Securely fasten the vessle to the underside of a rear seat. Rig some strong fishing line to the lid. Attach line to car door when door is barely opened. Door opens, lid is removed, instant funk that can't be easily found...
An alternative to this is hold onto the can until summer. Wait until your mark parks his car in the sun and leaves his window cracked. While wearing your mask, dump the contents of the can into a sandwich bag. Seal the bag. Remove a corner of the bag. As you walk up to his vehicle, slip the opened end of the bag in and give it a good squirt. Done correctly the whole attack is made in one smooth motion without breaking stride. Instant funk that'll have time to bake.
Expand on this idea if you want. Mix the contents with some worms, get a dozen or so guys to piss in a bucket, mix the whole thing together. Seal the bucket, let it sit for months in the sun. In about 4-6 months it'll be the most horrific thing you'll ever encounter. Wear full protective gear when you remove the goo. Place goo in vessles for distrubution. Distribute as you see fit. I suggest glass jars. Easily transported and shatter easily when properly deployed.
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