I need to know if it's all right to get mad.

[TonoTheHero]

Dude, you meditate right? You said it didn't help in the other thread, well bleh :P My advice is of the calm kind anyway. You're already mad, doesn't really matter if it's okay, won't change anything one way or the other. First reason yourself trough the anger, peel of a few layers of the onion. Once you have a solid and deeprooted understanding of why you're mad and what you can and can't do about it, where you have power and where you can only accept, meditat. Let the anger seep troughout your body, pulsing freely as it will instead of trying to grab a hold of it and control it..

Yeah you're not feeling to well, let it sink in, in cycles and prepare for a spiral that's going to go down half of the time as you get out of the center and out at the top.

[strikeamatch]

whack a pillow... then meditate... why do people fear controlled expressions of anger thru mild violence? jeez i would never have gotten through college if i couldnt come back to the dorms and throw down with bama john or shirtless kyle. it wasn't that we solved anything but a little physical pain combined with exertion and a lot of adrenaline sure as **** did the job many a painful night. angry sex is much the same except it can have other potentially dangerous/lethal consequences (children to name a lethal one)... meditation is a great tool of the mind but the mind does not rule the scenario of raw emotion. ignoring it is not always the best option. have they called the cops yet? i don't hear you screaming!

[TonoTheHero]

whack a pillow... then meditate... why do people fear controlled expressions of anger thru mild violence? jeez i would never have gotten through college if i couldnt come back to the dorms and throw down with bama john or shirtless kyle. it wasn't that we solved anything but a little physical pain combined with exertion and a lot of adrenaline sure as **** did the job many a painful night. angry sex is much the same except it can have other potentially dangerous/lethal consequences (children to name a lethal one)... meditation is a great tool of the mind but the mind does not rule the scenario of raw emotion. ignoring it is not always the best option. have they called the cops yet? i don't hear you screaming!

Control what the mind doesn't rule?:wink3: I agree that physical release can do good but be vary of misschanneled anger, work trough it on an intellectual level first to know what you're dealing with, then find your release, rinse and repeat.

[strikeamatch]

Control what the mind doesn't rule?:wink3: I agree that physical release can do good but be vary of misschanneled anger, work trough it on an intellectual level first to know what you're dealing with, then find your release, rinse and repeat.

we're just arguing about which point of the cycle to start with... I think much more clearly after an hour on the treadmill or as i'm treating a black eye. I use some simulated realities to express extreme anger in ways i can't otherwise. This includes 1st person shooters so i dont go postal, rpgs where i can let my own life go and live someone elses (i cry at the opera scene of ff3(us) every time!), lose myself in a book (philosophy or mystery work well for depression i find... stay away from kant while depressed tho... voltaire is always good), any activity where I can just float in water (we used to have a pool, now we have a lake, i liked the pool better), lucid dreaming when you know you're dreaming is AMAZING and while hard to master is an extremely useful tool for distributing anger... keep in mind if u base your dreams on reality you have to have some way to check if you're in real reality or fake reality... But trying to meditate while your adrenaline is running and mind is racing is about as useless as pissing in the wind for those of us that aren't zen masters, whack the pillow then meditate

[Amra]

After eight years of marriage she tells me that she isn't what she thought she was afterall, that she is nothing like the women in my family and she wants to take the backseat in our relationship. She now believes that I am not the man for her because she needs a man who can lead her. I think she is being unfair because she hasn't given me a chance. The moment she realized that she couldn't be strong enough she tells me I should pack up and leave.

Is this really the crux of the problem?

If so, now is your chance to take charge. How exactly you need to do that I cannot say because I don't know much about your relationship. But this is the time. Actions, not words. Whatever it is you haven't been doing, start doing it now. If you want to keep her, you have to change.

I am still thinking there is more to the story.

[strikeamatch]

Is this really the crux of the problem?

If so, now is your chance to take charge. How exactly you need to do that I cannot say because I don't know much about your relationship. But this is the time. Actions, not words. Whatever it is you haven't been doing, start doing it now. If you want to keep her, you have to change.

I am still thinking there is more to the story.

agreed... no offense this reeks of a third party, care to discuss?

[raffster]

agreed... no offense this reeks of a third party, care to discuss?

thanks for all the responses. I have to admit that posting here and reading from all the mixed variety of responses has somehow helped keep things into perspective (yes I am still alive and haven't hurt anyone, at least not yet. haha).

yes there is a third party and that third party's name is Diablo 2. (oops, sorry freet). I stopped playing already ever since she kicked me out and have vowed never again to "dabble" on rpg gaming (perhaps stop playing all games altogether) but she is not convinced that I am going to keep my word this time. and my wife demands 3 concrete things before she even considers taking me back into her life:

1. Job that pays 60+K and whatever job I find next I will stay there for at least 5 years.
2. I am full heartedly willing to become a father within the next 6-12 months.
3. I have fully outgrown my childish tendencies to escape reality when the going gets tough by avoiding issues instead of facing them (she thinks D2 was my escape and it is quite true).

I think I have a firm grasp on #2 and #3 already. I am really trying my best to nail down #1.

[Talga Vasternich]

I didn't have the choice, but I would've voted for A and C.
I said it before, be mad at the one who made you mad!
From what you wrote, it's her. Be mad at her and tell her.

Then go get laid:wink3:

~edit~ just read what you posted about the 3 conditions...wow...yikes...talk about a power-trip!
You posted earlier that she wanted someone who would lead. How is her demanding that you do these things allowing 1) you to be yourself 2) you to make, or at least be a part of, some very important decisions that affect you, her, and then a child 3) you to lead her, since that is what she said she wants?
I've never met her, but I've met many like her. If you think this is in your best interests, then by all means do what you think is best. Just get used to it, because lists like these will never end. There will always be something else she needs you to do for her.

[Omikron8]

Anger is normal, it is all in how you deal with it. It sounds like you are heading down the path to rage, which isn't healthy.

Several people on here have already suggested that you talk to a professional and you have resisted. You are angry, but you aren't willing to do the one thing that would be productive and that is get professional help.

"professional help" is a great way to ensure that he will STAY angry, and get even more angry

what will the psychiatrist's evaluation be?

he had problems/issues with his parents?

it's all his fault for his relationship ending?

prescribe some wonderful anti-depression drugs so he is even more depressed/angry when he stops taking them?

i vote for the beat the crap out of something non-living and not expensive (punching bag, old furniture, other crappy old worthless things)

as for those 3 mandatory points listed by raffster's wife now THAT makes me depressed/angry

[raffster]

Rational advice isn't appealing to the emotionally distraught mind. given time I think Raff will benefit from head shrinking, as would most of us, but right now I'd push carnal instinct, brute force, and physical activity in the least destructive means possible.

actually, if you're in an apartment complex or something right now and reading this raff... scream, just yell, beat a pillow or something that only costs a few dollars to replace. take that knife to it instead of yourself... howl until the landlord comes knocking at your door and then don't answer it until it's the police. you may get a noise violation but they'll likely just tell you to calm it down. let the actual world around you react to your rage and show you that people out there who don't even know you will understand and care about you. that's what we're doing here, but do it there also. a human voice is immeasurably comforting in times of great distress.

if you live in the central us gimme a call... seriously... if i can get to where you are in a couple hours i'll come out there tonight and we can swap stories and have a drink or two. if its close but not that close i'll come out there this weekend. we'll get through this together.

heya strike, thanks for the offer man. I live in NJ unfortunately. It would have been great to hang out with ya. I am going to the Philippines from June 1 to 8 to be the main surprise on my mother's 60th surprise birthday party. When I come back I am thinking about doing a cross country drive (or train). Maybe we can meet up if I could plot my trip to make sure that I will travel close by to where you live. I haven't met any chicks from the central us. (hint hint, haha)