Bathroom experience

[Leopold Stotch]

Several years ago, I worked at this Italian place. During the last year I was there, this incident known as "Peanut Butter Booty" happened. I told this to a co-worker last Friday and we were both rolling on the ground so be thankful I am typing this instead of talking. It would be so hard for me because I would be laughing the entire time.

Anyways. . . It was a Sunday afternoon during the Sunday church crowd. There were two people working the line that day, one grill cook by the name of Ebony and the chef working the sauteé line, Mike*. If this was not Mike's last day working there, then it was one of his few shifts to work there ever. Ebony was this loud, big, Southern woman. And by big I mean she had the biggest ghetto booty I have ever seen in my life. If this song (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rq3hyX99nbg&feature=fvst) is talking about the woman on the cover, Ebony makes this woman look tiny! So with her big body, she had a big voice and persona to match!

So it's Sunday, the lunch rush wasn't too much of a rush and all was winding down after an hour or an hour and a half. I'm at the front talking to the cashier when the Head Waitress/Floor Manager comes up to cash in a ticket. She's talking about how Ebony is causing ruckus in the back and mentioned something about, "She's saying Chef Mike has peanut butter booty and she's bringing people to go look at it."

So I'm like, "Look at what? What's peanut butter booty?"

Both women are laughing and Ms. Manager is like, "Go ask her. Go ask Ebony right now."

So, of course, me having a curiosity like no other, I go to the back. I think Ebony is doing her work when I come up to her and was like, "Ms. Manager told me to come to you and ask what peanut butter booty is."

This sets the woman off... again, apparently, after she had calmed down a few minutes before I walked into the kitchen. (If she wasn't doing work, then she was kinda talking to herself and going off or something... memory is kinda foggy here)

"OHMYGOD, LEO! YOU HAVE TO SEE IT! IT'S NASTY! SOMEONE IS NASTY AND WALKING WITH PEANUT BUTTER BOOTY AND I THINK IT'S CHEF MIKE!"

"What is that? What happened?"

"Okay, so y'all know how we have the employee bathroom right here, right? Well, I go in there to use it and someone took a major **** in there! The bowl was all nasty, there was **** on the handle, **** above the toilet seat on the tank, there was **** on the wall! HOW IN DA HELL DO YOU GET **** ON A WALL?! And there was no toilet paper in there! That's nasty! Someone is walking around with ****ty drawers, all rubbing together! That's Peanut Butter Booty! They got peanut butter all up in their booty! And I saw chef Mike being the last one in there because he ate a chicken fried steak and I saw him go into the bathroom! So he goes and takes a dump, leaves it for tha damn world to see and doesn't wipe!" She started walking away for something, saying, "This place don't pay me enough to clean up that mess! For now, that bathroom is off limits! That's nasty!" (not verbatim, but it was pretty much like that)

She made it out to be so bad that she brought other servers (and whoever else) to go observe the bathroom mess. I did not see it and, according to one server, I was "very lucky." And then shortly afterwards, got a hold of yellow caution tape. She covered that door in the yellow tape, like it wasn't a white door anymore. It was a caution tape door! That's how much she used!

TL;DR version: I worked with a woman named Ebony who claimed that Chef Mike was the last one to use the employee bathroom, took a major **** so bad it got on the toilet tank and walls and there was no toilet paper anywhere in the bathroom so she went around the restaurant saying Mike had a booty full of peanut butter.

* = name has been changed

EDIT: I love how, for right now, my signature is "I have the runs for you too, sweetie!" perfect!

I have one that actually did happen to me. I'll write it in the next post.

[Leopold Stotch]

Okay, so I was at a friend's house. He was showing me his guitar and some skills he learned when I asked to use the bathroom. "Yeah, it's in my room to the right." So, I go in, close the door. His closet is in the bathroom (it's a huge bathroom, tiny bedroom) too and it's a sliding mirror door. The toilet is right in front of this mirror door so i slide it over because I don't want to watch myself using the bathroom. I open the lid and oh. My. God. Looking back at me is a beast of a poop! I kinda jumped, and just started laughing! I didn't know what else to do but laugh. So I walk back out, trying to keep my cool and he's still playing with his guitar.

"Hey, um. . . Is your toilet broken?"

His face just falls and is like, "OHMYGOD. DID I FORGET TO FLUSH?!?"

I lost it! I couldn't keep calm anymore and I am laughing so hard I sink to the floor. He goes in and flushes. He comes out and explains to me that in the house he lived in before, if you flushed the toilet while the shower was running, it would turn cold. so, he ****s first, showers, then flushes. He felt bad for forgetting and embarrassed. I was too busy being in hysterics.

[Technomancer]

HAHAHA!!!

My own PBBooty story incoming. I wasn't there, so this is hearsay, but both parties confirmed, so good enough for me:

Ok, 2 of my HS buddies, I'll call them Piper and Crackhead (inside jokes, not druggies ) were hanging out at Piper's house playing guitar together. They started running this gag where they'd play for a few seconds, stop, and fart, then the other one would start playing for a few seconds, stop, (hammertime!!) fart, etc. like it was part of the song they were playing. They had apparently done this before, so good times. A couple rounds into this, Crackhead let rip a monster fart, and they both about fell over laughing! Piper cracked a "Man! You better go check your shorts!!" joke, and Crackhead promptly got up and went into the bathroom. A minute later Crackhead came out of the bathroom asking if Piper had a pair of shorts he could borrow, and Piper became paralyzed with laughter! After Piper recovered, Crackhead was like "No, I'm serious, you got a pair of shorts I can borrow?" It took a minute for Piper to calm down enough to realize that it wasn't just a joke and that Crackhead had actually crapped his pants!!

Needless to say, they never played that game again.

[krischan]

It took a minute for Piper to calm down enough to realize that it wasn't just a joke and that Crackhead had actually crapped his pants!!

I think I would laugh in particular if it was no joke.

[Leopold Stotch]

HAHAHA!!!

My own PBBooty story incoming. I wasn't there, so this is hearsay, but both parties confirmed, so good enough for me:

Ok, 2 of my HS buddies, I'll call them Piper and Crackhead (inside jokes, not druggies ) were hanging out at Piper's house playing guitar together. They started running this gag where they'd play for a few seconds, stop, and fart, then the other one would start playing for a few seconds, stop, (hammertime!!) fart, etc. like it was part of the song they were playing. They had apparently done this before, so good times. A couple rounds into this, Crackhead let rip a monster fart, and they both about fell over laughing! Piper cracked a "Man! You better go check your shorts!!" joke, and Crackhead promptly got up and went into the bathroom. A minute later Crackhead came out of the bathroom asking if Piper had a pair of shorts he could borrow, and Piper became paralyzed with laughter! After Piper recovered, Crackhead was like "No, I'm serious, you got a pair of shorts I can borrow?" It took a minute for Piper to calm down enough to realize that it wasn't just a joke and that Crackhead had actually crapped his pants!!

Needless to say, they never played that game again.

LMAO! I totally saw that in my head! "Look, dooode, I sharted! Lemme borrow a pair of shorts!"

*wheeze* omg, thank you for making me laugh! XD

this did not happen to me, but my friend. We had a show to go to that night. Some of her college pals were in a band and playing at this crappy club/venue called Java Jazz. so, we're trying to find it on the opposite side of the freeway, we're traveling up and down the busy street. She has to go to the bathroom. And where we were was not the best part of town so she was like, "I need something clean-looking. WALGREENS! Perfect!" So we pull over to the Walgreens and she gets out, i'm chillin' out in her car. Five minutes later she quickly dashes out and was like, "OH. MY. GOD, Leo... It was a horrible mess in there! It was like someone's *** exploded in there!" Someone dropped a **** bomb and it got all over the seat, I wanna say that she said they didn't flush... I'm in the passenger seat laughing my *** off while she is, "Who does that? In public, no less!"