Alright, since it's been awhile since I have posted I thought I would indulge since I am home sick with nothing to do.
It all started out early Wednesday morning around 4am when I kick Anakha out of bed because my back hurt so bad I felt like I had just walked 4000 miles with a 2000lb pack on my back. I needed to stretch. On the couch Annie went. Isn't he nice?
The alarm went off at 7 as usual. I went downstairs and kicked Annie back into bed. Since I felt like crap I decided to lay down for awhile since I still had time to get ready for work. We'll make the boring parts very short here. So I went to work, I was feeling better, went on break had a granola bar. Now you would think that having a granola bar isn't significant except for the fact that it makes a return in the story oh....in about .....5 seconds.
Around 11 am or so...I started feeling pretty funny. I made sure to inform all the people around me that I was in fact not well. They cared about as much as...well they didn't care at all......until they found me collapsed in the bathroom. Well then wasn't it the biggest deal since sliced bread? That little granola bar had come back in the worst way, the most violent way and the most retching way. And that's how my boss found me. Sprawled over a garbage can retching up a no name strawberry yogurt granola bar. All I remember when I went into that bathroom was that I had a choice. They were going to find me I was sure of it. In my fevered stupor I made a good decision. Don't you hate that when you're sick and you're not sure which end you want to start with first? I would rather they find me barfing then anything else.
Then there was a scramble to figure how to get me home. First the pregnant HR lady offers to drive me. Hmmmm let me think about that one. No! Then it was a cab.....barf in a cab? I haven't done that since I was 17 on prom night. Finally a good soul offers to take an early lunch and drive me home. (PS thanks Ryan) By that time I am shaking so hard it looked like I was having a seizure. Now let's get this straight. I love attention but when I walked out of that bathroom after violently retching and had 30 pairs of eyes on me it was not my shining moment. Considering the fact that my head was still stuck in a garbage bag and I am sure that I wasn't smelling so hot...yeah that was my best kodak moment.
I managed to survive the drive home by wiggling my toes and counting to keep the nausea at bay. Anakha collected me outside. At least HR thought of calling him! I ran in my house and just as I was making a cozy little bed in the bathroom with pillow and blanket and all......Anakha decides to call 911. Now bless his heart....because he loves me but I had just gotten home...why the hell would I want to go anywhere? It was just an upset tummy or so I recall. Hmmmm..no. So the paramedic arrives....takes my temp and it's very high....about 100F I think. Blood pressures low and I am shaking so bad that he can't understand what I'm saying. But....he doesn't want to get too close to me because he's going on vacation and doesn't want to get sick. Perhaps you should change your profession!!!! So I guess I am going to the ER.
Well they get me in the ambulance....nothing special I've been in a lot considering Dad and all. By this time I'm delirious and can't help commenting on the "Time of Death" clock on the door. Apparently I'm morbid when I'm feverish. Here's the thing about the ambulance. You would think that when a patient informs you that they can't breath, to please take their mask off because they are going to vomit that perhaps you should listen. No! You let them vomit all over themselves and practically choke to death because their hands are strapped down and can't remove the mask. It was sooooo gross..and scary.
So we get to the hospital and all I wanted was to take the pukey mask off but they wouldn't until Anakha told them to. No pillow and I was freezing without a blanket. Finally they take me into isolation.....YAY a room to myself. I don't have to share with an old person (not intended to insult old people.) Still no pillow or blanket but at least I got a johnny gown...no more pukey clothes for me! And then the nurse came. Now he was pretty cute at least I thought so at the time. Apparently fevers have the same effect as beer goggles do. I think that this hospital was sponsoring a hire a handicap day because I am sorry....it's not that hard to find a vein on me. OK a little hard but he stuck me twice in each arm.....and damn it hurt! Normally needles don't bother me but this felt like a hot poker being stuck in my lower arm. So he had a shunt in...perfect! One small problem....my body likes my blood exactly where it is...INSIDE ME! So he had to stick me again to get blood out. Finally I can lay there and be miserable. Where's Anakha? I don't know. Oh well just close your eyes and pretend you're at home in your bed. Two hours later a doctor came in and took my temp. It was now 102F. I guess she thought it was time to start the IV after I had gone from bad to worse. Another hour passes, hey there's Ankaha, where'd he come from? Oh well....he's gone again. Another IV bag later...nurse comes in and says I have to pee now. OK I guess I could pee now. Where's the bathroom? It's around the corner and oh here's a cup we need a sample. Now common sense would dictate that if one has an IV in and needs to move around that she should get a pole or something to hold it up. No I have to carry the bag with me while I try to pee in a cup. Now if I didn't have my kodak moment before I certainly had it when I was trying to pee into that little cup while holding my IV bag in my teeth. I go back to my bed vowing to get out of here in the next hour. Anakha finds me again and I drain a third IV bag, get dressed, get blessing and note from doctor and get the hell outta there. Went home and slept for two days.......feeling a bit better now but still icky. Diagnosis....stomach flu.

PS Hey nurse whatever that cocktail of Gravol and other stuff was that you put in my IV....where can I get some more of that!