I'm going to be completely honest here and speak candidly about fairly personal things, but by all mean, feel free to make whatever bad joke you feel are innapropriate.
First of all, for those of you who don't keep track of things, I'll be 26 this year so I doubt this is one of those phase-thingies I've heard so musch about.
When I was younger I had a few homosexual experiences. I aslo had a pretty major crush on a friend of mine when I was about sixteen, but since he was a very good friend I didn't feel like I could act on it. It was pretty painful, and ended with me almost starting to hate him. I didn't understand why at first but later I figured it to be some form of frustrated reaction. I'd felt attracted to guys earlier, but nothing of this caliber.
After that I figured it was just a one time thing, some sort of weirdness that can happen to anyone who doesn't have too many sexual hangups. Or that Jesus had cured me or something.
I've always been attracted to girls who wear some sort of male attribute. Girls in male clothing, short hair, et cetera. This I figured was some sort of fetish.
Lately I've become more and more attracted to men. I can't say I've felt love for any man since that one instance almost ten years ago. I am, however, very attracted to men sexually and I have day dreams about real relationships with men. I've felt this way for years, but it's getting harder and harder to ignore.
I've had a bunch of girlfriends. Most of my relationships have lasted about two months. After that I've become sick of the girls and unable to stand their company. My only two longer relationships have been with girls I've really really liked, but I'm not sure I've loved them. They've both been highly intelligent, beautiful, funny and kind. Easy to like, in short. I've missed them after breaking up, but at the same time I was sort of relieved when both relationships ended. That's not how it's supposed to feel, is it? Also, I haven't loved them in that obsessive, almost painful way that I felt for my male friend. Both of those relationships were filled with all kinds of trouble by the way, and both of the girls have said afterwards that I'm a great friend but a worthless boyfriend.
I have been single for about a year and a half now I think, and I have no desire to get a girlfriend. I feel completely uninterested in the whole relationship with a girl thing.
Now, the obvious question is this: Am I coming out of the closet to myself?
This is really confusing me since I've never been that adverse to the idea. I always just figured I was straight with a sexual attraction to men (a pretty common thing I understand), or bisexual at the most. Is it possible that I've been hiding something like this from myself for this long?
I'd like it if the *** posters here could share their experiences. I'm grateful for any input though.
No jokes about that last sentence please.
Results 1 to 10 of 194
Thread: Let's question my sexuality.
11-02-2006, 12:25 #1
Let's question my sexuality.
11-02-2006, 13:08 #2
Well, first of all, it takes guts to just throw this kind of news into the open.
A lot of people will understand you, but an evenly big number won't.
(I know I would be very hesitant to say something like that)
If you feel more comfortable among men than women (and more attracted to) I'd say: go for it. Some people will think the same, others will disregard any feelings to the same sex as something "unnatural".
The important thing is that you do what you feel is best for you, there will always be people that'll judge you, nomatter what decision you make.
There is no point in trying to hide it, just be yourself, who you want to be.
I always just figured I was straight with a sexual attraction to men (a pretty common thing I understand)
That's about it actually, if I think of more to say, I'll say it :cool:
(For the record: I'm very open minded, but evenly straight :wink3: )
11-02-2006, 13:20 #3
- Join Date
- Jun 2003
I don't think there's any scientific way to prove that you are homosexual or not, more of a judgement thing really. I think you really just have to try and push your limits and bit and see what flies and what doesn't. If you find yourself comfortable around a man, sexually and/or otherwise, then perhaps it is time to just tell yourself that you do swing that way. The same would apply for women.
In any case, I think you should really try to express yourself more, let people understand, and not worry so much about "coming out of the closet". Maybe you just never were in the closet to begin with.
It's nice to see you back, Dross.
11-02-2006, 13:21 #4
For the record, I really don't care about any objections people might have about this. It's none of their business anyway. I know some of my friends would be pretty cruel and make all sorts of tasteless jokes, but at the same time I know that not one of them would be anything but supportive if I turn out to be ***. The only thing that scares me is that this will definitely make my mother cry, but she's stuck by me through worse, and I'm a bit old to let what my parents think control my life.
The problem isn't that I can't be myself but that I'm a bit confused as to what exactly that is. I suppose the easiest way to go about this would be to get a boyfriend, but I'd still really like to talk about it with people who have similar experiences. I've argued it over and over in my own head, but I don't see that leading to any real revelations. I need other points of reference.
11-02-2006, 13:22 #5
I think it's unlikely you've been hiding it from yourself, really only people with serious hang-ups do that. I think it's more likely you're discovering it about yourself now - sexuality is an odd thing and it isn't nearly as clean-cut as everyone thinks. My wife recently realised she is attracted to women after twenty something years of never even considering it. But when she looks back on it she can't see how anything has really changed in her so presumably she was that way all this time, which makes her wonder how she could have not realised. Some people have sudden realisations about their sexuality in their seventies, and it's not always because of social conditioning that they didn't realise earlier.
Still, it's not a necessary conclusion that you're exclusively (or even dominantly) homosexual. It's possible you could meet a woman you'd love as much as that friend, who knows? Frankly I don't think the words "homosexual", "heterosexual" or even "bisexual" have much meaning, you're attracted to whomever you're attracted to.
I'm a little peculiar myself. I've had *** sexual fantasies since I was quite young (although the vast majority of my fantasies were about women), and the idea of having sex with another man doesn't bother me in the slightest - in fact I don't think I want to go my whole life without at least trying it. But at the same time, I've never been attracted to another man. Not even a little bit.
So I guess my point is that sexuality is a very strange beast, and there's not much point trying to analyse it - or even understand it. C'est la vie is my attitude.
11-02-2006, 13:24 #6Originally Posted by masterazn
Nice to be back.
11-02-2006, 13:43 #7Originally Posted by dondrei
Some things I should probably add.
I've had some pretty serious emotional/mental problems earlier in life. Some of my doctors said that my relationship problems was due to a defective personality (or whatever the technical term is), but that's completely up the wall since I've never had any problems in my social life with friends other than during specific periods. I know that I've been mis-diagnosed and that my relationship troubles stem elsewhere.
I've suffered from many and pretty severe depressions. I'm not sure if there's any connection since the reasons for that could be just about anything. I do know that I've felt worse when I've been involved with girls though.
To be completely honest, which is really a must in this thread, this question is one of the reasons I started posting here again. I could talk to my friends but this is a much better venue, since there are a lot more people here and therefore a lot more of different experiences. I know there are a number of homo/bi-sexual posters here, and I only know four homosexual people in real life, two of which I consider friends. There's also the relative anonymity. It's a lot easier to be completely honest to you guys than to people i meet regularly in real life.
11-02-2006, 15:57 #8
I really doubt you're hiding it from yourself, unless you were raised in a less tolerant, more traditional lifestyle kind of way. Pretty much what Dondrei said.
Can I make a suggestion though? If you do decide that you're hittin for the other team, please don't make it a complete lifestyle change, start talking with the little lisp some of the *** guys use, and acting all fairy-like. It's one thing to be ***, its another thing to be a queer.
Anyway, back on topic. Before you make the big jump out of the closet and risk ridicule from friends etc, maybe give it a test drive? If you do get in a relationship with a guy and find out it wasnt what you hoped, then at least you can save face with your friends. And if you find out that being *** is for you, and your friends give you crap for it, **** em, they're not worth it anyway.
11-02-2006, 16:25 #9
- Join Date
- Dec 2004
- Satan's rectum
I'd say just try experimenting. Then again, my opinion doesn't have much value around here. And for the record, storm's not bisexual in the usual sense, but more in the sense of thinking that gender is superficial
11-02-2006, 16:30 #10
Hey Dross, it's nice to see you back, and I would never poke fun at you for something like this.
Now dondrei however...He just admitted he turned his wife ***. That I will make fun of. *Points and laughs at dondrei*