Things Men will not longer put up with from Women.

[Anakha1]

From Men's Health. Add your own!

1. You say to us, "You're not romantic anymore." Fine, we'll try harder. But only if you agree to initiate once in a while, too. Deal?

2. Then there's "You never listen." This is not an inherently male trait. I mean, how many times does a guy have to explain the infield-fly rule?

3. No, you don't look fat. Did we mention how you never listen?

4. If you ask our opinion, please don't get mad when we give it. The color of the curtains shouldn't be a referendum on our relationship.

5. It's just a spider, for Pete's sake. Step on it.

6. We worked a 60-hour week, took out the garbage, did the dishes, paid the bills, walked the dog, changed the oil, picked up the dry cleaning, read to the kids, and gave you equal time. All we're asking for is 3 hours on the couch on Sunday.

7. No more deflecting responsibility for crummy behavior with cute and kittenish responses. You can't giggle your way out of trouble anymore.

8. You know damn well what we're doing in there. Stop asking.

9. Forget the notion that raising kids is harder than maintaining gainful employment. More important? Yes. But harder? No.

10. If you continue to dump on our best friend, we will probe the (many) character tics of all your friends.

11. If you want to have kids, you have to have sex. This is not a com-plaint. This is science.

12. Somewhere, somehow, women were sold this idea of "fashionably late." Men don't get this. Make up a fashion emergency if you must, but don't ask us to be intentionally tardy. It's like asking us to kick the host in the groin.

13. Yes, that woman is hot. Yes, we appreciate beauty. That's why we're with you.

14. We do listen. And empathize. But when your troubles have been analyzed until there's nothing left to talk about, can we please stop talking about them?

15. If we fell in love with you when you had long hair, we're going to want you to keep your long hair until death do us part. We'll beg, but would prefer not to.

16. As for commitment ultimatums, just address numbers 1 through 15 on this list, then we'll talk.

[Raft Boy]

5. It's just a spider, for Pete's sake. Step on it.

The ironing is delicious. :teeth:

[Anakha1]

I thought that too. I don't step on them, though. I shoot them with large calibre weapons.

It doesn't matter, though, because the wife is going to kill me when she gets home anyways.

[Raft Boy]

It doesn't matter, though, because the wife is going to kill me when she gets home anyways.

So phase one of my plan is nearing completion.

[Anakha1]

I'm taking you with me!

[jimmyboy]

From Men's Health. Add your own!

2. Then there's "You never listen."

Men define listening as "actually listening with one's ears."

Women define listening as "agreeing with her no matter how rediculous she is."

[Johnny]

Isolde is going to cross her legs til July after reading this.

[Gorny]

More to add :

How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be opened when she brings it.

Why is a Laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will probably never be able to support you.

Why do women have smaller feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows
them to stand closer to the kitchen sink.

How do you know when a woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts a sentence with "A man once told me..."

How do you fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the oven.

Why do men fart more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to
build up the required pressure.

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let him in.

What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's told.

I married a Miss Right.
I just didn't know her first name was Always.

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding Cake.

Why do men die before their wives?
They want to.

Women will never be equal to men until they can
walk down the street with a bald head and a beer
gut, and still think they are sexy.

[Cain]

15. If we fell in love with you when you had long hair, we're going to want you to keep your long hair until death do us part. We'll beg, but would prefer not to.

Amen to that. I won't let me wife cut her hair any shorter than shoulder length. If I had my way, her hair would be down to her butt.

[Pier]

2. Then there's "You never listen." This is not an inherently male trait. I mean, how many times does a guy have to explain the infield-fly rule?

Actually, there is some scientific research which gives biological reasons for this.
Because women speak in higher frequencies, and speak in a larger range of frequencies, the voice gets processed in a different part of the brain, that is less effective as where the lower voices are analysed.

Don't ask me for a source atm, I just heard it from a collegue.

Grr pIER