Headlines in the year 2029

[llad12]

Just a little humor I ran across today ... enjoy!



Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third
language.
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Spotted Owl plague threatens northwest United States crops and livestock.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslin dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East, formally known as Iran, Afghanistan.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Iraq is still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years
before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail
delivery to Wednesdays only.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters
and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions
to campaign accounts.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.

[dantose]

you forgot "conservatives still relying on over the top fear mongering and slippery slope arguments"

[Lord_Shinnok]

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslin dies in the American Territory of the Middle East, formally known as Iran, Afghanistan.

To my knowledge it was going to be named New Texas.

And the Freakbots are still on the loose.....

[AeroJonesy]

you forgot "conservatives still relying on over the top fear mongering and slippery slope arguments"

Geez, talk about killing a joke. Want to talk fear mongering? How about that draft issue? But let's keep this on topic. How about "dantose still being a troll"?

[SomeCanadianGuy]

*kicks dantose and AeroJonesy in the shins* Keep your bloody politics out of this thread!!! There's more politics going around the OTF than a bad case of Mexican diarrhea, so we certainly don't need anymore of it being lodged into threads meant to be nothing more than humorous.

Maybe we could add something along the lines of "World leaders agree to send a mysterious man known only as "Durfbarian, source of all problems" to Mars in an effort to spare the world of his smappange and weird links."

[DurfBarian]

Smappange will rule the world in three decades, have no doubt of this.

[dantose]

Geez, talk about killing a joke. Want to talk fear mongering? How about that draft issue? But let's keep this on topic. How about "dantose still being a troll"?

joke? yes.

knocking liberals? yes.

thus, in my moderateness I felt the need to call him out on it. If it was a thread making blanket claims about conservatives I'd do much the same the other way.

how about "President George Q Bush declares a 'war on bad stuff'. Analists try to figure out who that means we're fighting"

"In addition to Iraq, Iran, and North Korea, volcanos and earthquakes have been added to the Axis of Evil. This is a new development as that volcanos and earthquakes may actually have somethig to do with each other"

"4 die in road side bomb incident in Iraq, White house issues a press release saying 'it's still not a quagmire'"

"After failing to set up a democracy in Iraq, the white house issues press statement 'those pinko liberal commies are misrepresenting us. Our goal wasn't to spread democracy any more than it was to remove weapons of mass destruction or fight terrorism. This war was about oil, so we still win.' Official military doctrine has been updated to reflect the new definition of 'objective' as 'what ever the current situation is' thus ensuriing success of any war no matter how bad we fail"

Well, I guess that last one is a little long for a headline but it could make an opening paragraph.

[maccool]

Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslin dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East, formally known as Iran, Afghanistan.

Those fundamentalist muslins want to destroy our freedom to wear wool, dacron and other fabrics!

It's only funny if you read.

[Nerf-Herder]

Maccool, president of the USGS, has discovered a new rock that can be crushed and fermented resulting in cheap beer for all the worlds citizens

MISTER MAC GEE-AHH-LOW-GEE FOR PREZ!!

ALL FOR BEER AND BEER FOR ALL!

[DrunkPotHead]

Pot is mandatory for violent criminals on parole.