OT: Days of our Lives aka the Beacon's Billboard

**Kitteh** · 21-01-2013, 15:21

Thank you.

I just got back from seeing my GP. She just said to wait until tomorrow and see if my medication is changed. I give up. Everybody just keeps batting me away like I'm a ****ing nuisance. Well **** them, and their world, and their rules, and their stupid medication.

**Thyiad** · 21-01-2013, 16:40

Kitteh, I can understand your frustration but you need to understand that all of these people are working within their own constraints - including a heafty dose of arse-covering.

Who may change your medication tomorrow?

Who is the 'go to' support? The central single person who has the authority to talk to all of the others? They have to interact, so who is that key? Is it a social worker?

Speak to that person. Get THEM to do the leg work. Tell them what you want to do to invest in your future (EG college) and why (EG self-sufficiency) but tell them you need their help because the various agencies are too complex/frustrating for you, so you'd like them to take ownership of that.

Don't let them just ignore you. You're worth more than that. You got this far. Don't let it be for nothing.

**Kitteh** · 21-01-2013, 18:30

My psychiatrist might change my medication tomorrow. He technically holds the final decision, but he has very little interaction in the grand scheme of things. It's really my occupational therapist, psychologist and college support worker who control things.

**BaronScarpia** · 22-01-2013, 13:37

@kitteh: I know a college support worker probably wouldn't, but I preffer when the other folks (occupational therapist, psychologist and psychiatrist) work in the same place/building/etc. That way you have one file in one place and that kinda helps. It helped my sister, at least. She goes to a clinic to do the occupational therapy (which she doesn't, btw)/doc/psychologist thing and still goes into another therapist.

Anyway, my sister chaged his meds and doc. lots of times (she went on almost every doctor in our town and a few more on another cities). We always think it's time to change doctor when the meds don't do their thing quickly, but we aren't reliable sources (I had panic attacks and was a little paranoid due to anxiety, so every doctor seemed not good enough). If the meds never work, as the rest of people involved on treatment if they know other doctors for a "second opinion", or with an approach that would work better in your case.

-----

About me: I can go into detail here, but I see fires on horizon. I was assigned to defend someone accused of rape (obviously I can't get into details due to professional sigil, forum rules, and due to not knowing the details yet) and I can't say "no" due to my contract with state (I can say no if I know the victim, I am the victm, harassment, etc.).

So, kicked everything... (In my head). Enough is enough. I'll step out from my contract with state asap. (I was going to do so anyway in the end of year, news flash is the "asap" part). I know that people are charged for rape/sexual harassment even when innocent, etc. Also, I know lawyers aren't criminals, are necessary for the Justice and deserve respect. I just don't want to be one of them anymore or be in a contract where I have to defend people without the right to say no.

I don't even know the details on the whole thing, so I'm not rage-quitting due to be shocked with the case (I hardly get shocked, by the way), but not having the right to say "no" is a little too much for me. I want to say no whenever I want to, for whatever reason (personal belief, "I don't like you", "not in the mood", etc.). The thing was just the last shake my mind needed to blow up and start kicking stuff.

In the same day I discovered my mom fell from some sort of staircase (not a whole big castle-like staircase, a small one) and probably lost his spine surgery. Probably she'll have to make a surgery again or live with some serious pain for a while, on a pick your poison situation.

And I gained some weight.

Guess it covers it. No I'm going to watch Rocky Balboa's motivational speech for a while and see if I can work something out:

Spoiler

**kestegs** · 22-01-2013, 14:22

I could never defend someone that I was convinced was guilty. I guess that's why I'm not a lawyer, or wouldn't make a good one maybe. So I understand, it would suck to not be able to say no if you felt you wanted to.

**Twibz** · 22-01-2013, 14:26

Originally Posted by kestegs

I could never defend someone that I was convinced was guilty. I guess that's why I'm not a lawyer, or wouldn't make a good one maybe. So I understand, it would suck to not be able to say no if you felt you wanted to.

Seconded.

@Baron
Are you a lwayer then? whether you are or not how long have you been in this kind of postition? (not just with this case I mean in general)

**BaronScarpia** · 22-01-2013, 16:18

Yep, I'm a lawyer. 3 years on my own, ~5 years of coming and going internship. Mostly to pay the bills while studying for public jobs, with this state contract.

My real problem here is - I have to defend whoever the computer says I have to. Instead of have the feedom to choose who to defend, I have Big Brother (the book one) giving orders.

(Just to be clear, I don't know if the guy is guilty or not. I don't even know the guy. What I got so far is a folder number, crime name and that I'm the defender. I don't know if it was something shocking or just a girl lying about stuff. I'm afraid of the possibilities. And I never would say I think one of my clients is guilty, except, maybe, if he confesses the crime).

On how to be a lawyer whitout freaking out:

Spoiler

I don't know how law carrer works on other countries, but around here some criminal lawyers don't defend people accused of some crimes (like drug dealing, killers, etc.) and focus only on fraud, tax fraud, etc. "white collar crimes", mostly. That's where the choice element enters.

Defending someone guilty -like someone that confessed a crime - usually doesn't involve "saying the guy is innocent/nice". It usually means that sometimes the state does such a poor job investigating/pointing fingers that you can't be sure if someone is guilty or not. And that uncertain shows up for me in most of cases. Defending criminals basically means defending the idea that stat can put someone in jail for years based on uncertain data.

Uncertain? You see some weird stuff sometimes, i.e. two cops claim someone they were running after shot his gun a few times, trying to kill them. Guy was convicted by the people. The only witnesses were the cops and not a single bullet was found. And it was an alley. That's when you start defending people.

If I learned one thing in life is that sometimes you don't know even if you're right or wrong. From a personal standpoint, I'm never 100% sure if someone is guilty or not of something I didn't witnessed. That's right, I said never. (I don't use a tinfoil hat, but I have one in the closet.) Usually, you know for sure a crime happened - the whole dot-connecting thing that comes afterwards is the problem.

How do you do it: Since I'm not 100% sure of anything, I pick the best case scenario based on what the client and witnesses say and start from there. Then books, research, reading, etc.. On Brazil, the state has the burden to prove that the "best case scenario" didn't happen, it has to crime happened. That kind of defense is a technical thing, very different than defending a friend or relative, or an ideal, or something you believe. They aren't judging people, they're judging facts (here is the key thing - you're not saying someone is nice or not, the crime is judged. Only God judges people - or no one, if you don't believe in god).

My job is making sure the voice of the accused is heard and avoiding injustices while the state connects the dots.

That said, the whole "being a lawyer" doesn't drive me crazy. If I had to judge criminals, i.e., then I would have serious issues.

One of my biggest problem being a lawyer is that I'm not happy with it and I don't agree with a lot of things on legal system. It's like working in a company you don't like, or follow a giant ruleset you don't agree or understand, that tries to work in addition of common sense and moral.

My professional life fells kinda a Kafka book - mostly "the Castle" ("y u no"), and sometimes "Metamorphosis" ("another brick in the wall, doing what a computer tells me to do").

Nothing wrong with profession itself (it's nice and socially relevant), problem is how I fell about it.

**Thyiad** · 22-01-2013, 23:49

Call 3 am yesterday; Dad in hospital via ambulance. Dug the car out of the snow and went over. Pnumonia. Got anti biotics on an IV. Made his underlying heart arrythmia worse. Dad hates hospitals so the fact he allowed an ambulance to e called was worrying.

Came back and tried to stay up but crashed about half seven. Just got up again. There goes the sleep patterns. Tired Thyiad.

Back on the Cov hospital run.

Dad went over to my uncles on Saturday. He's saying his throat is a bit iffy but it comes and goes and is fine. I'm just hoping he doesn't wind up in hospital too. Not good at their ages; dad is 78 and my uncle is 84.

**BaronScarpia** · 23-01-2013, 00:54

Hope he gets better, Thy.

By the way, my mom seems to be fine (besides pain) and her spine surgery titanium stuff (don't now the proper terms is english) seems to be in place. She couldn't reach the doctor that made her surgery yet (guy is on vacations and the place/office is closed for maintenance), but she seems to be fine in the local-hospital-doctor's opinion.

**corax** · 23-01-2013, 05:24

yay for barons mum!. boo for thy's dad and kitteh. *hugs for everyone*

the wet season has finally kicked off properly. with little baby cyclone oswald no less. It was all good and I was heaps excited, as formerly I loved the rain. Then when i pulled into my driveway i remembered how calliope (my daughter) would be waiting at the door so we could go jump in puddles and play in the raid before i even got inside. Went out and played in some puddles for her.

Now i'm depressed as hell and writing this is actually making me cry. peace out kids.