Fake political articles

**Freemason** · 29-09-2004, 22:02

Make up a fake political article. Keep it short, simple and outrageously absurd.

HIGH VOTER TURNOUT TO REQUIRE TWO DAY VOTING

Due to the high voter turnout expected this year, election officials in Flordia are asking that Republicans vote on November 2 and Democrats vote on November 3. The two day voting is to allow the voting officials the necessary time to assist the elderly in completely pushing the pin through the chad.

Election officials are worried that if they have to try to help all the elderly in this monumental task they cannot get everybody through the doors in one day.

**Dredd** · 29-09-2004, 23:53

I'll give it a shot.

ANGRY VOTER THREATENS TO USURP CALIFORNINA

An amusing letter received by the AP Thursday threatens that the author will attempt to thwart all attempts by the electoral collage to grant its votes to either major presidental candidates George W. Bush or John Kerry.

"I will vote for myself 10,000,000 times on November 2nd," the letter states. "You n00bs cannot stop me. LOL, I will pwn California!"

Authorities, who have viewed the letter, have shown very little interest in investigating further, citing logistical impossibilities. "No single person could possibly vote for himself 10,000,000 times in a single day," stated one official. "The idea is absurd."

The letter was written in simple Arial font with a Windows-based word processor and signed "A.H".
______________________________

My god, these people have no idea who they're dealing with!

**rplusplus** · 30-09-2004, 00:04

LOW VOTER TURNOUT CLINCHES PRESIDENTIAL WIN BY WRITE IN VOTE!!!

AP WIRE

In an unprecedented event, write in candidate Horace P. Throckmorton Jr. has won the Presidential Election by a landslide vote of 4 votes! Citing the fact that NBC decided to run a FRIENDS marathon on the same date and voters complete apathy with the voting process resulted in only 6 votes being placed out of 289,323,440 registered voters.

Asked why he and his family were 5 out of the 6 voters he replied

"We though we wuz applying for some of that free cheese the govment gives out each month".

The only other vote was from a expatriot living in Japan who goes by the name "Smurf". Smurf was unable to be reached for comment.

R++

**kernelpops** · 30-09-2004, 00:09

AP October 31st, 2004

This just in, John Kerry has been identified as the vampire that has been terrorizing mid-town Manhattan. He is completely out of control and sucking the life out of every constituent that expresses a will to live.

Apparently the red sauce that his wife Theresa has supplied him has worn off and he is out for blood trying to stop his defeat.

We assume that Halloween is the only night that his keepers let him out in his original form to express his true desires. The new improved colored version released earlier this month must be a bye product of the sun screen used to protect Mr. Kerry from burning up in the Sun.

**Bakerking31** · 30-09-2004, 00:37

"We at CBS just recieved more shocking memos"

"It appears that George W. Bush has instigated the draft, and in a surprising twist, anyone within the ages of 18 - 50 male or female is expected to be called up to be meat shields in the US planned invasion of China set to happen just after the election."

"Im Dan Rather for the Communist Brodcast System, have a good night"

**Dacar92** · 30-09-2004, 01:15

The Vatican Invades United States!

The Pope led a beach landing of priests and high cardinals onto the beaches of North Carolina, New York, and California, the federal government said today. The beach landing coincided with an air assault the kind which has never been seen before. Nuns, with their habits flowing in the breeze, flew B2's and bombed water supplies, and power centers in the three states. So far, all non catholics in the three states have either perished or are in hiding from the New Crusades!

The Pope's spokespriest said that the priests and cardinals in North Carolina will move north towards Washington DC and the ones in NY will head south in a pincer movement designed to corner the federal forces. President Whatshisname said that the nation is safe, though, because the priests and cardinals have no bread with which to give communion.

**corax** · 30-09-2004, 01:46

During an emergency broadcast this morning President George W. Bush Jr. has finally spoken true to his nation. Beginning his transmition with the proclamation "Yes American peoples I am an ...ASSHAT!!" according to sources he then proceeeded to bounce around the room on a sapcehopper , after which he announced he was demoting himself to World's greatest Asshat and proclaimed that a Mr A. Housewares is 1337 and should be made SUPREME DICTATOR FOR LIFE!!(including all those poseable joints)

**IDupedInMyPants** · 30-09-2004, 19:40

George W. Bush wins second term.

Washington D.C. (Reuters) - George W. Bush garnered a majority of the votes cast and legitimately earned a second term in the White House.

**Bakerking31** · 30-09-2004, 19:46

Originally Posted by IDupedInMyPants

George W. Bush wins second term.

Washington D.C. (Reuters) - George W. Bush garnered a majority of the votes cast and legitimately earned a second term in the White House.

so you think theres gonna be a right wing consiprasy or something?