View Full Version : Diablo lolz
Ouroboros
20-02-2009, 06:07
Since D3 updates have dried up, its time for some Diablo LOLz .. (jokes)
Q: How did the sorceress get pregnant?
A: Coz the Necromancer did not have his bone armor on. :crazyeyes:
Q: How do you know Wolverine (from xmen) likes men?
A: Coz he gave the Druid his heart....:wink2: lolzz ** (see below)
Q: Why did the Necromancer get dentures?
A: Coz the crazy old codge kept throwing his teeth at people .. (kinda obvous one .. heh)
A Barbarian and a Paladin walked into a bar. They saw an Amazon sitting there and tried to hit on her incessantly. After trying to Dodge, Avoid, and Evade their come-ons, the Zon fooled them with a Decoy and ran away. The Barbarian went home dejected and practiced his Pole-Arm mastery before bed, while the Paladin went home and furiously used Fist of the Heavens to find closure. :whistling: .. hahaha ..
Q: After sleeping with the entire barbarian tribe, where did the Amazon record her escapades?
A: In Horazon's (Whore-A-Zon) Journal! LOL
Q: Why can't you let a Rogue drive?
A: Coz she belongs to the Sisterhood of the Sightless Eye.** :whistling:
Q: Why isnt Diablo scared of the Witchdoctor?
A: Coz he can dial 1800-PEST-CONTROL!
New WitchDoctor Skill: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=28AVLa_bzA8&feature=related - Geico Gecko Pwnage!
I'll add more as I think of them. Please, add your own!
** - All jokes aside, I am neither sexist, nor do I dislike gaypeople. Its all in fun, but if any single person finds any of these jokes offensive, PM me, and I'll edit out that particular one. :thumbup:
Nice ones.
What did the dead Carver say to Bishibosh? "Help! I'm a Fallen and I can't get up!"
Q: What did the Zombie say to the Ghost?
A: Maaarrrgghhhhh.
Q: What did the Ghost say to the Zombie?
A:
How many Barbarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
2. One to hold the lightbulb and whirlwind, and one to clean up the mess after.
Q: Why can't sins play soccer?
A: The ball explodes with a 4-yard radius!
Q: Why did the Assassin and Paladin get disqualified from the race?
A: For using performance enhancing buffs.
And remember, always spay and neuter your werewolves!
KillaMike
20-02-2009, 14:30
I LOVE THEM, but i cant think of any good ones :(
could yoou keep posting them? they PURE laugh and I LOVE THEM!!!!
Tanksaabas
20-02-2009, 14:34
A Barbarian and a Paladin walked into a bar. They saw an Amazon sitting there and tried to hit on her incessantly. After trying to Dodge, Avoid, and Evade their come-ons, the Zon fooled them with a Decoy and ran away. The Barbarian went home dejected and practiced his Pole-Arm mastery before bed, while the Paladin went home and furiously used Fist of the Heavens to find closure. .. hahaha ..
This made me lol in rl! Good job!
if any single person finds any of these jokes offensive, PM me, and I'll edit out that particular one. :thumbup:
What you don't care about offending married people? Marital statusist!!
Srikandi
21-02-2009, 00:26
Only problem with your jokes is that you put LOL after too many of em.
A good comedian lets the audience laugh first ;)
My fave so far is the barb lightbulb joke.
Ouroboros
21-02-2009, 07:40
Extracrispy .. LOVE the "fallen, can't get up" one.. i lol'd
Sass .. Nice one with the pally, sin buffs
Zeek, marital statusist .. lol, i did word that disclaimer weirdly
Srikandi .. truu, guess I won't make it a career .. lol
Here are some new ones:
Q: Why do the barbarians believe the Druid can communicate with the dead?
A: Because he can summon the Spirit of Barbs!
Q: Why didn't the Sorceress give the Barbarian a second date?
A: Coz over dinner he declared that he swings both ways.
Q: What does the Cow King say on a rainy day?
A: Moo .. ;)
I like the rogue one haha
but I LOVE the barb lightbulb one LOL.
stillman
21-02-2009, 22:38
1- A barbarian and his string of ears are out on a date. They go to a bar. But there is a sign on the door that says "NO strings allowed!" So the barbarian takes one end of the string of ears and frays it, then he ties the other end into a knot.
So they go in and the bartender looks at string of ears and says, "Hey, are you a string?" The string of ears says, "Nope, I'm afraid not." [frayed knot]
2- An amazon and a bararian meet up in a bar. He buys her a few drinks and they talk. Later, the zon says, "You should come over to my place tonight."
The barb's eyes get wide and he says, "OK!" But the zon says, "We can't have sex though; I'm on my menstural cycle."
The barb says, "That's Ok! I'll follow behind on my Harley."
3- Q: Why do you have to be a music lover to walk through the Icy Cellar?
A: Because if you don't see sharp, you'll be flat!" [C sharp, B flat]
4- Q: What did the ice sorceress' hat say to her scarf?
A: "You hang around, I'll go on ahead."
5- A Barbarian hires a mercenary and the merc says, "You can pay me under the table to avoid taxes if you want." The barb says, "No way, under the table is no good!". The merc says, "Why not?" The barb says, "Because everyone I talk to says 'Seriously? Dude, I overpay.'"
6- Q: Why did the shark decide not to eat the amazon when she fell off her raft?
A: It was a man eating shark.
7- At the School of Sanctuary, the barbarian and the sorceress are in class and the teacher asks, "What did Eve say to Adam after they had their first son?" The barb pokes the sorc with his pencil, and she cries out, "Good God! That hurt!" The teacher says, "That's right!" Then the teacher asks, "Now what did Eve say to Adam after she had her second son?" The barb pokes the sorc with his pencil again and she yells "Lord help me!" The teacher says, "Right again! Now, what did Eve say to Adam when he asked for a third child?"
The barb pokes the sorc with his pencil again, and she yells "If you poke me with that thing one more time, I'm going to break it off!!"
8- A Druid walks into a bar and buys drinks all night for three rogues who he gets really drunk. They all go back to his place and play some wild games (and I'm not talking about Diablo here) where they exchange bodily fluids. Afterwards, the rogues say, "we forgot to use protection; you don't have AIDS do you?" The druid says, "No, I wouldn't want to get that again."
There's a wizard, a barbarian and a witchdoctor traveling peacfully in a newly invented flying machine to sell their spoils of war, when suddenly the guy flying screams,
:rant: "You idiots must have milked to many cows for loot! We're carrying to much weight, so pitch some of your gear or we're all doomed." :tombstone:
Glancing back to gauge the reaction of the passengers, the normally talkative co-pilot shrinks down into his chair and goes silent.:nervous:
After a nice long fart, the barbarian, egger to use the planes height to perform the longest toss in arreat summit history, arches his back, shouts out a war cry, and hurls a cruel winged harpoon out the hatch of the plane as he spots what appears to be a small frolicking deer.
Meanwhile, the wizard wrinkles her nose and casts are cold stare at the pilot before waving her hands to force a few old magic orbs crashing through a window.
Finally, the Witchdoctor reaches into this fire bomb voodoo bag and grumpily discards some of his premixed flaming skulls and potions, while cursing the pilot and smiling wickedly at his voodoo doll and needle.
The co-pilot and adventures land safely and set off down a dirt road to look for a market place. Shortly afterward they come across a little boy crying. :weep: They asked him what happened and he says, this big sharp harpoon few down from the sky and killed my dog.
While shaking his head the witchdoctor says, "This is bad, bad..." and casts a look over to the embarassed barbarian, who is trying to decide if he should go retrieve his weapon.
Continuing on their journey they walk farther down the road and see a small girl crying :weep: so they asked her what happened. The young girl says, "My kitty was playing with her ball of string when a comet fell from the sky and shattered her little skull."
While shaking his head the witchdoctor says, "This is bad, bad..." and casts a look over to the arrogant wizard, who seems irriated that her once beautiful orbs are now shattered before her feet. Noticing his judgemental look, she counters by raising her eyebrows and pointing a waving figure at his newest shrunken head.
Nearing the end of their journey the come across a little boy who is rolling on the ground laughing, :rolf: so they asked him what had happened.
With a big smile he says, "Grandma farted and the grass hut blew up!"
nicro tower
22-02-2009, 03:36
What plagarism :D
But it still made me laugh.
What plagarism :D
But it still made me laugh.
It's not plagarism; that's what Blizzard calls "inspiration." :smug: BTW i love your avatar.
Heh. I know that one.
So a Dark Vessel, a Horned Ground Sloth, and a Grotesque walk into a bar. The bartender says "get the f*** out!"
He is promptly eaten.
I'd have to say that Dark Vessel is my favorite monster so far, because it's so inventive.
Doctor Salvador
23-02-2009, 03:35
Heh. I know that one.
So a Dark Vessel, a Horned Ground Sloth, and a Grotesque walk into a bar. The bartender says "get the f*** out!"
He is promptly eaten.
I'd have to say that Dark Vessel is my favorite monster so far, because it's so inventive.
The Dark Vessel is too busy singing incantations, the Ground Sloth is a vegetarian (Ever since he tried to eat a Barbarian) and the Grotesque is ashamed of itself for being fat, so who's doing the eating? Yeah, I'm nitpicky like that. (Huge Lolz right there)
If you've seen the movie Gran Torino, you'd have recognized the original (and very racist) version of my Joke.
How did Blizzard nerf the Barbarian? They sent him to Anger Management classes.
Why wasn't the Male wizard playable at Blizzcon while the female was? He was too busy getting his hair and nails done.
Did you hear about the Grotesque with bulimia? He'd eat one adventurer and beg the next one to pop him.
Diablo, Mephisto, and Baal were arguing about who was the best. They agreed to have a contest to see who could obtain the most mortal slaves. Mephisto corrupted the minds of a village to make them more hateful, but all the villagers ended up murdering each other, so Mephisto got none. Baal went to a city and destroyed all the buildings, but everyone got crushed by debris, so Baal got none. Diablo knew he just needed one slave to win the contest, but he didn't want to kill it like his brothers. So he visited Deckard Cain, who was the bravest man in the world. Diablo came back later with Cain clinging to his leg like a mad man. Said Baal "Wow, your terror must have broke the old man's mind." Replied Diablo "No. He's just grateful that I cured his 50-year constipation."
Srikandi
24-02-2009, 03:23
I thought he was grateful because Diablo stayed a while, and listened :)
nicro tower
24-02-2009, 03:51
O.o
Not even the Lord of Terror could stay a while and listen. It's just too brutal...
stillman
24-02-2009, 10:37
Yeah, most of mine were other jokes with Diablo chrs inserted. Kind of like this one, which is old and sucks, but oh well:
The adventuring party rescues a spirit who offers them each a wish. But the spirit is kind of evil so they have to jump off mount arreat and say what they wish to land on.
So the druid jumps off and says "Gold!" and he lands in a pile of gold, so he is rich for life.
The amazon jumps off and says "Rubies!" and she lands in a pile of rubies, so she is rich for life too.
The barb is not content with any of that, so he is thinking about what to wish for, then he stumbles, falls off the mountain and yells, "Ah crap!"
KillaMike
24-02-2009, 11:14
Yeah, most of mine were other jokes with Diablo chrs inserted. Kind of like this one, which is old and sucks, but oh well:
The adventuring party rescues a spirit who offers them each a wish. But the spirit is kind of evil so they have to jump off mount arreat and say what they wish to land on.
So the druid jumps off and says "Gold!" and he lands in a pile of gold, so he is rich for life.
The amazon jumps off and says "Rubies!" and she lands in a pile of rubies, so she is rich for life too.
The barb is not content with any of that, so he is thinking about what to wish for, then he stumbles, falls off the mountain and yells, "Ah crap!"
LoL loved it m8
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