Fan Fiction? Idk

[Vizian]

Ok, so banned from D2 server atm because I write too fast.

So, a fan fiction about the Life of the Necromancer:Vizian

Ridicule.They had always made fun of him for not being one of them.

"You'll never be as powerful as magi, Vizian. Dark arts are child's play next to the raw elemental power of the ancients of this world. If only you had chosen to pursue the way of the sorcerer1, you'd have been a companion that I would have been proud of that would be able to join us in the battle against Hell. I'm sorry Vizian, I can't live with your decision."

With that, the caravan in the rogue encampment left for the eastern city of Lut Gholein. Vizian was 18 now, and as was standard for all young people, a class had to be pursued to aid the struggle against the evils of the world.

He had never liked the ways of the old. Elementalists were people he was never found of. Teleportation as well as studying and practice of their elemental specialty. It was all a bunch of rubbish.

He never felt like he belonged with his peers. He wasn't the strongest or the smartest, or the fastest. He didn't possess any skill that seemed to be of use in a world with dire need of anyone who could help.

So now, on his 18th birthday, Vizian sat around the campfire in the Rogue Encampment watching his family and friends go fight the evils of darkness as he hopelessly sat there feeling as though he had no purpose. Not so much hopeless as discouraged-- that Dark Arts were frowned upon by the mortals of his world.

He had no ability to use any Dark Arts, he just found them fascinating. He spent hours and hours of his childhood reading mouldy tombs that were written in dead dialects. Anything remotely resembling necromancy interested him enough to read and try to understand the concepts of the Necromancer.

"... No one accepts me for what I am," Vizian said, almost sheding a tear at the discouragement of his fathers parting comments.

But Vizian's obsession was about to become the only way to save the rogue encampment from Andariel.

End Chapter 1.

Leave comments plz. I thought I'd try a bit of Fan Fiction stuffff







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1-Sorcerer in this case is a substitute for having him be a sorcereress, which is the only class other than a druid(which people don't usually associate with ancient elemental power) that uses "elemental skills".

[Dirkw]

Alright. It's always nice to see new posts here. Let's see here :)

I've read your story and I see where you're trying to go with it. I had some trouble understanding it, though. Maybe you could think about and/or clarify some of the following.

First of all, the character's personality seems out of balance. Typically, young men will worship their fathers and they have a nack to do as their parents do. The reason for Vizian to stray away from this isn't very obvious or logical, because from what you are giving us, he doesn't seem to be the kind of guy to choose his own path: he lets things happen to him as apposed to make things happen; he has "no ability to use any Dark Arts"; you nostalgically sketch his past as opposed to pointing out his vision on the future: "He spent hours... in dead dialects" - which also doesn't seem to have brought him anything; he even nags in desparation as opposed to looking for answers "No one accepts... what I am".

All of this makes him look rather silly. I mean, having read this part, I'm envisioning this Vizian as an insecure, naieve person who's desparately looking for his father's approval. If his prime goal in his life was to be accepted (which is what you suggest, with the reflecting and conclusive "No one accepts me for what I am"), then why wouldn't he have done the obvious and follow his father's choices in life?

Your answer seems to be that the boy likes the Dark Arts. Which is good, but I can't believe that kind of fondness is more important than finding what you want in life. This is to a great extent strenghtened by the fact that the boy hasn't even really practiced the Dark Arts before.

All of this boils down to the image of a young, inexperienced fellow, who chose basketball when his father said 'go to college', and then found himself stranded with no place to go and no clue whatsoever as to his entire life. At least, it would have made some sense if we were talking a fullgrown Michael Jordan, if you know what I mean.

This ofcourse makes it very hard to sympathize with the boy, and the reader is left with the question "why should I care about Vizian?". You call it "ridicule", I am tempted to call it "guidance and direction put aside in favor of some pipe dream".

You could tell me that its no pipe dream and that Vizian will end up avenging himself. I'll take that for granted, it's going to be a hero at the end of the day so yeah. But he won't have created his own fate; he will have let it happen to him. And no, just taking a liking in the Dark Arts isn't creating your own fate. For the reader to sympathize with Vizian, it needs to be made clear that Vizian eats, dreams and sleeps Necromancy. That even for his age, he masters incredibly powerful spells. That he has a way to go with his Arts. That he has a purpose. Then, the reader would feel bad for the boy that his father left him behind, because after all, if your son is so incredibly involved with something that's similair to your central life interest (spells, magic, the occult,..), you'd be a bad father not to be inclined to respect that.
Thus, the way it stands now, the character of Vizian seems uncredible, and lacks cohesion.

Then, what about his father? Where did it all go wrong for him? Surely it couldn't have been a hard task for this father figure to keep his naieve, young son on the right track. Why did he allow his son to neglect sorcery and favor Necromancy? Does he care, or did he care, about his son? If so, why didn't he outright force his son on the path of sorcery? Why did he allow for his son to get acquainted with the likes of Necromancy, which the father finds useless and knows will cause him and his son to separate?
What I'm saying is, in the few lines you provide us with information about the boy's father, there isn't much reason to conclude that the boy has a good reason to be looking for his father's acceptance, because the father seems unworthy to begin with. The father seems bad, evil, and the reader is left trying to figure out why the boy would care about him. Which is pivotal, because if not for earning his father's acceptance, what other purpose does Vizian's existence serve in this story?

Well, just my pair of cents. No offense intended, purely feedback. Do what you want with it. I'd like to see a reaction ofcourse. Good day sir =)

[Vizian]

i was going to kinda elaborate a little bit in the next installments. lol. but ty for feedback.