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Indefatigable
19-02-2008, 05:59
Yay, this forum is alive. :grin: And it's good at pulling out all the stops on feedback. I could use some of that.

Here are three chapters of my prequel to Diablo II. I might write more and I might not. My initial plan was to write about the characters during the game, deliberately avoiding any descriptions of in-game events, and focusing on thoughts and feelings and relationships and schmoopy stuff. I'm still writing that, but I won't post it here if it isn't welcome, and I'm finding that the stuff that happens before and after the game is turning out to be more interesting to write.

One thing that I never see Diablo writers do is argue about canon. In my own experience, there's a lot of variation even in the official materials. I don't know if my idea of what necromancers (or any of the other races I play with) are actually contradicts anything seriously enough that it falls into the realm of alternate universe. If anyone has any thoughts on that, please feel free to throw them my way.

I see that there is no longer a Dark Library, so here's my archive link (http://www.paperdemon.com/writing/view/2359).

Onward!

Chapter 1: Vermin

To look at him, nobody would think the old man could move as fast as he did that morning.

Walking stick in one hand and wand in the other, he burst from the kitchen onto the garden path, frightening a pair of doves into twittering flight. There -- something moved among the leaves, too big to be a badger or a raccoon (and neither a badger nor a raccoon would carry a blade to slice a melon from a vine so cleanly).

He aimed and muttered a curse. The mist formed and flew to its target; something struggled and thrashed briefly between the rows of aubergines, and finally lay still.

He took his time picking his way between the plants.

“Now -- ” he snapped as he stepped over a row of squash, and then, “Good grief!” His concentration broke and the mist vanished, releasing its prisoner. The boy lay flat on his back in the mud, panting, and as soon as he knew he was free, he was up and over the fence and away into the woods like a rabbit.

The old man stared after him. He’d expected a boy, but not one the spitting image of himself at that age -- white skin and whiter hair under all that mud, ice-blue eyes, sharp features and a thin frame. Changeling was the word he’d heard people use jokingly behind his back when he was young, but he’d learned better since then.

He trudged back into the cottage, put the bread and cheese he’d already sliced into a bowl, and took it back out past the edge of the garden. “Come and eat this, lad,” he called as he set it on a flat rock at the edge of the forest, “before the raccoons think I’ve had a change of heart.”


Chapter 2: The Talk

“Why don’t you use magic?” said the boy, through chattering teeth.

The old man stopped swearing at the fireplace full of damp wood, put down the tinder-box, and looked at him.

“I know you can. You used it on me once.” Now that he had said it, there was no turning back. He took a deep breath and blurted, “I can too.”

“Can you light a fire with it?”

“Uh -- no.”

“It’s not the right kind of magic, is it?”

“Mine’s not. Wait, is mine the same as -- is it -- ”

“Same as mine, I should think.” He picked up the tinderbox again.

The boy grabbed the kettle and darted back out into the dusk to fill it with snow. When he returned, the old man was carefully replacing the grate before a small but promising flame.

* * * * *

They sat on opposite sides of the fireplace, wrapped in woolen blankets, the old man privately wishing he was still young enough to curl up and sit on his feet like that.

The boy looked at him through the rising steam over his wooden teacup. “So you already knew that I was -- that I’m a -- ?”

“From the first time I laid eyes on you. You’re only the third one I’ve ever met, not including myself.”

“The third...” He struggled to find the right word. “W-witch? Mage?”

“Oh, I’ve met more assorted mages than you can carry in one basket. Necromancers, though... they’re a little harder to find.”

The boy half-mouthed the word and said aloud, “I don’t know what that is.”

The old man jerked a thumb at his own chest, and then pointed a long finger at the boy. “You do now.”

He took a sip from his teacup and sloshed the last few mouthfuls around in the bottom of it, idly peering at the leaves, and waiting for the boy to say something. When he got no response, he raised his eyes again. The boy was staring back at him with his fingers clenched around his own cup.

“Good thing I gave you that cup. You'd have broken this one. Can you read?”

“Can I -- yes, I can read.” The boy's voice cracked in surprise.

“Good! That’ll make things easier. My books are all quite recent translations, except for the scrolls I picked up from that rug merchant in Ureh. Though it’s not as if modern Kehjistani is terribly different from what it was when these were originally -- ”

“To learn how to be a -- necromancer?”

Faintly amused by the interruption, but aware of the taint of panic in the boy’s voice, the old man spoke gently. “To learn how to use the powers you were born with. Yes.”

“I don’t want to use them!”

The walls of the cottage had never before heard a voice raised to that volume.

"Not again," the boy rasped into the silence after. "Not anymore."

“I’m going to hazard a guess,” said the old man, very quietly, “that you wish you’d known something about them sooner.”

The boy seemed like a feral animal again, frozen with terror and ready to bolt for the wilderness. But he looked the old man in the eye and nodded once, quickly.

“Then wouldn’t you agree that the responsible thing, right now, would be to learn more?”


Chapter 3: Snails

“Do snails have souls?”

The boy stood in the doorway, his fingers white-knuckled around an upside-down boot as he studied something crushed against its muddy bottom.

The old man put aside the blanket he was patching. “You've been reading Karuna. I was starting to wonder what was eating at you.”

He shoved a second chair out from under the table and poured another cup of tea. The boy gingerly laid the boot outside on the garden path and almost forgot to take off the other one before coming inside to join him at the table.

For a long time they were both silent, and finally the old man said, “She was just one old mage, you know, so take her with a grain of salt – she wrote down ideas that she got from what she'd read, and those fellows who wrote before her did the same, all the way back to Rathma.”

“But some of it's true. We can see it for ourselves.”

The old man sipped his tea. “Yes.”

“Then – why – should we live, if we cause death?” His voice wavered, challenging the forced composure in his face.

“Don't think I haven't asked myself that. Do you want to die?”

The boy pulled his folded arms close to his body, his shoulders hunched forward. He shook his head.

“Good. Me neither. Some do. I'd rather live and try to do as little harm as possible.”

The boy thought about that for a long moment. “You think you can help more than you hurt?” he said finally.

“That's the general idea.” The old man reached out and ruffled the boy's hair, and got up to retrieve elevenses from the breadbox.

By the time he came back to the table, the boy had not moved, but some of the tension was gone from around his eyes. The boy watched solemnly as the old man sliced radishes and peeled a few boiled eggs.

“Do eggs have souls?” he asked, with a sudden twitch of a smile that made him look less like a student of the black arts and more like a boy having irreverent thoughts.

“Not these eggs! The wards were meant to keep out foxes, but they seem to be just as good at keeping gentleman callers away from the ducks.”

Snowglare
19-02-2008, 15:54
Oh me, oh my, what a pleasant surprise. When I saw the title of this thread, I groaned, and like a bitter old man I grumbled. Another new one? Set firmly in the game. Feh. Naming it after the Countess quest is only slightly better than "My First Fanfic!" Harrumph harrumph harrumph.

I had no intention of reading the thing when I clicked on it. Skim it for objectionable material, do my job and be on my way. But your introduction cracked my frozen heart.

And it's good at pulling out all the stops on feedback. I could use some of that.

Pro-criticism? Always a good sign.

Here are three chapters of my prequel to Diablo II.

Prequel/sequel is a very good sign.

My initial plan was to write about the characters during the game, deliberately avoiding any descriptions of in-game events, and focusing on thoughts and feelings and relationships and schmoopy stuff. I'm still writing that, but I won't post it here if it isn't welcome, and I'm finding that the stuff that happens before and after the game is turning out to be more interesting to write.

*double-take* Whaaaaaaa? It's like you reached inside my mind and plucked out the best possible approach (in my eyes) to D2 fanfic.

One thing that I never see Diablo writers do is argue about canon. In my own experience, there's a lot of variation even in the official materials. I don't know if my idea of what necromancers (or any of the other races I play with) are actually contradicts anything seriously enough that it falls into the realm of alternate universe. If anyone has any thoughts on that, please feel free to throw them my way.

Interesting. Nothing comes to mind at the moment, but that's a discussion I'd like to see. Feel free to start a new thread for it, and yes, going-through-the-game fics are welcome here. I'd rather see more (or all) of this story first, but do as you like.

It's hard to offer any useful criticism when I enjoyed the story so much. Your use of double hyphens reminds me of Stan Lee, though not as random. One of the few things that struck me as off about your writing, and it's a style choice, so... I want to thank you, for writing D2 fan fiction like a story and not a videogame, something too few do, and ask that you post more whenever you can.

Indefatigable
20-02-2008, 02:56
Squeek. I was not expecting that kind of reception. That's lovely to come home to after work.

I have other ideas for the boy necromancer story. But whenever I try to write them they come out like the training scenes in a martial arts movie or shonen manga: obligatory and a bit cheesy. I may roll them out in flashback form as they become relevant to later events. This much set up enough that I felt like I could post some of the Act I stuff to my archive account.

Yeah, my titles are rather uncreative. Archives usually have a word count minimum, so I have to pile together several stories (which already have titles) under one title. Therefore, 'Vermin', 'The Talk', and 'Snails' had to be called something collectively. And the stories that take place during Act I are being lumped under (what else) 'The Sightless Eye'. If you think it's worth it, I'll go the extra mile and title things twice.

I have been teased about my double-hyphens before. If I were a super-villain I would be called The Em-Dash. Maybe it comes from growing up on comic books, but it feels like I need a graphical representation of a sharp cut-off in speech. (Ellipses, on the other hand, make it feel as though the speech is trailing off more gently or passively.) Am I being a synaesthete about this? Maybe it doesn't have that kind of mental association for most people.

Anyhoo, you have given me a kick in the pants to take my notebook with me to the laundromat tonight.

Snowglare
20-02-2008, 05:12
Yeah, my titles are rather uncreative. Archives usually have a word count minimum, so I have to pile together several stories (which already have titles) under one title. Therefore, 'Vermin', 'The Talk', and 'Snails' had to be called something collectively. And the stories that take place during Act I are being lumped under (what else) 'The Sightless Eye'. If you think it's worth it, I'll go the extra mile and title things twice.

Titles are the least important part of any story, but I do like a good one. Deadcafe's Big Boots (http://forums.diabloii.net/showthread.php?t=621474), for example. It's unique and fits the story perfectly, or at least it fits what the story was trying for. So, would be nice, but no big deal.

I have been teased about my double-hyphens before. If I were a super-villain I would be called The Em-Dash.

Oooh! I'd be, like, Spellcheck. No, that's taken. Nitpicker, yes, that's me.

Maybe it comes from growing up on comic books, but it feels like I need a graphical representation of a sharp cut-off in speech. (Ellipses, on the other hand, make it feel as though the speech is trailing off more gently or passively.) Am I being a synaesthete about this? Maybe it doesn't have that kind of mental association for most people.

Mm. I'm always debating where an ellipsis or a dash or a semi-colon should go in my writing. Tricky business. What works for me might not work for you, or even for me next week. You might want to try something, though.

Anyhoo, you have given me a kick in the pants to take my notebook with me to the laundromat tonight.

Hooray for pantskicking!

MrProphet
20-02-2008, 21:42
I like it alot. The approach you took towards the young necromancer was pretty unique and made for an interesting read. Another backstory that might be good to write about would be about a young druid. Maybe quite as interesting hmm? Great job though :thumbsup: