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View Full Version : Whats wrong with my coconut?


Johnny
07-10-2006, 18:20
so I was in the mood for a coconut so I bought one. Today i decided to eat it so I bring out the tools (http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/9918/toolscj8.jpg) provided to me by our lord and our savior Jesus Christ in order to conquer the coconut.

I find the coconuts "eyes and nose" and drill holls in two of them only to find that there already is a hole in the 3rd one.

I hold it over a drinking glass but the coconut is compleatly empty. My first idea was that some bastard had milked my coconut but then I break it open and inside I find what looks like an acorn. (http://img183.imageshack.us/img183/1720/nutux6.jpg)

I espect the acorn further and find a small hole in it.

Im baffled. What the hell is wrong with my coconut?
P2blr
07-10-2006, 19:33
you killed its fetus, simple as that.
superdave
07-10-2006, 19:35
have you dissected the "acorn" yet?
HockeyChic
07-10-2006, 19:42
have you dissected the "acorn" yet?
That would have been my next step.
nebux
07-10-2006, 19:49
that coconut was hacked by someone else. beware at that acorn. is an alien that want to dominate all the coconuts.
Johnny
07-10-2006, 20:20
Il get to disecting it in a short while.
The Future now
07-10-2006, 20:21
I didn't know Sweden had Dewalt tools.
Jigga-Scrooge
07-10-2006, 20:23
ive never seen a tool like that before. its wierd shaped. is it just a drill?

about the coconut, you know how they get those ships in the bottles?
Johnny
07-10-2006, 20:59
The drill is the mother of all concrete drills.


Does quite well against coconuts too.
Freet
07-10-2006, 21:26
AAAACK!!!! The acornut!!!!

Run man! Run!!!!!!
Quietus
07-10-2006, 21:50
AAAACK!!!! The acornut!!!!

Run man! Run!!!!!!


Too late.



BOOOOOOOOM
Dondrei
07-10-2006, 22:03
Half the ones I see at the shop have a hole in them, if you want the milk you have to check first.

As for the acorn... beats me.


Today i decided to eat it so I bring out the tools provided to me by our lord and our savior Jesus Christ in order to conquer the coconut.

That's not a knife, now THAT's (http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/5530/250pxsoupspoonqd4.jpg) a knife.


that coconut was hacked by someone else.

OMG, coconut hax!
superdave
07-10-2006, 22:44
looks like a defective coconut...take it back to the store and complain.
masterazn
07-10-2006, 23:01
Just so you know, that is not how you open a coconut. You use a big knife and chop away at one end of the coconut so that the skin comes off and you get to the white bark-like texture inside. Then, you use the knife and cut at that to make a small hole. Drink the liquid and then cut it up to eat the meat.
Johnny
07-10-2006, 23:22
Just so you know, that is not how you open a coconut. You use a big knife and chop away at one end of the coconut so that the skin comes off and you get to the white bark-like texture inside. Then, you use the knife and cut at that to make a small hole. Drink the liquid and then cut it up to eat the meat.


I would really advice against that. I once drank the milk before opening the coconut. Then when I opened it the meat inside was all rotten and I got really sick.

need to check the insides quality before drinking the milk.

What i do is drill the holes open. Pour the milk into a glass. Insert the knife into one of the holes and then beat the knife carefuly with the hammer. Making the coconut split in two with very little effort.
Mecal
07-10-2006, 23:30
im going to agree with the OMG HAX Theory.
5Ws
08-10-2006, 00:25
It was mass duped.
masterazn
08-10-2006, 00:56
I would really advice against that. I once drank the milk before opening the coconut. Then when I opened it the meat inside was all rotten and I got really sick.

need to check the insides quality before drinking the milk.

What i do is drill the holes open. Pour the milk into a glass. Insert the knife into one of the holes and then beat the knife carefuly with the hammer. Making the coconut split in two with very little effort.

That's how it's done in all parts of Asia that I've been to. It's simple, fast, easy. You can tell if a coconut is rotten/bad from the outside.
MadMachine
08-10-2006, 01:03
That's how it's done in all parts of Asia that I've been to. It's simple, fast, easy. You can tell if a coconut is rotten/bad from the outside.

Yeah, I wikied coconut (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Coconut) when reading this post. Came up with this image (http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/thumb/d/df/Coconut_drink.jpg/180px-Coconut_drink.jpg) on the page.
[exile]
08-10-2006, 01:54
That's not a knife, now THAT's (http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/5530/250pxsoupspoonqd4.jpg) a knife.
Well, I see you've played knifey-spooney before.
ffejrxx
08-10-2006, 02:03
someone may have milked and plugged your coconut before you bought it
[exile]
08-10-2006, 02:08
Out of curiosity and seeing as I've never purchased a coconut. Can you just shake it and listen for liquid inside?
ModeratelyConfused
08-10-2006, 02:22
I read the title and thought he was talking about his head. And now I want a coconut.
Johnny
08-10-2006, 07:31
']Out of curiosity and seeing as I've never purchased a coconut. Can you just shake it and listen for liquid inside?

Yes you can.

I guess I should have done that huh.

Bloody facking alien acorn... Why my kitchen of all places.
Veilside
09-10-2006, 12:27
Yes you can.

I guess I should have done that huh.

Bloody facking alien acorn... Why my kitchen of all places.

Sell it on ebay to some mad scientists.
Pitboss_2000
09-10-2006, 12:58
I offer twenty!
Johnny
09-10-2006, 15:06
day 3. the Acorn is looking a bit sad. Smells pretty rotten.
Quietus
09-10-2006, 15:53
You know, it only just occurred to me how this thread's title sounds dirty if you think about it the wrong way.
Mecal
09-10-2006, 15:57
You know, it only just occurred to me how this thread's title sounds dirty if you think about it the wrong way.


not really.
you'd have to be about 13 to think that.
Dondrei
09-10-2006, 23:42
If "coconut" is a euphemism, everything is.
Mecal
10-10-2006, 00:17
If "coconut" is a euphemism, everything is.

"euphamism" - dude, thats so immature of you.
grow up.
asdf
10-10-2006, 05:18
You know, it only just occurred to me how this thread's title sounds dirty if you think about it the wrong way.
it also sounds rather pitiful given that it's singular and hollow.
Sokar Rostau
10-10-2006, 05:22
You've never seen the song "I've got a Lovely Pair of Coconuts" performed, have you?
ffejrxx
10-10-2006, 05:22
it also sounds rather pitiful given that it's singular and hollow.
and aparently johnnys coconut was empty except for a strange acorn that we told him to dissect
Sir EvilFreeSmeg
10-10-2006, 06:10
THis is funny. I recently bought a coconut. I opened mine with an axe. Hulk hungry HULK SMASH!

Now I'm drying the two halves so I can "ride" through stores banging my coconut halves ala Monty Python. Just another way to get thrown out of Victoria's Secret.
Dondrei
10-10-2006, 06:18
Oh, the word I was after was "innuendo". Oh well.


You've never seen the song "I've got a Lovely Pair of Coconuts" performed, have you?

Doesn't really work in the singular though.
Dondrei
10-10-2006, 06:23
THis is funny. I recently bought a coconut. I opened mine with an axe. Hulk hungry HULK SMASH!

Now I'm drying the two halves so I can "ride" through stores banging my coconut halves ala Monty Python. Just another way to get thrown out of Victoria's Secret.

It's only authentic if you found it dropped by a swallow (African or European, your choice).
Freet
10-10-2006, 11:43
It's only authentic if you found it dropped by a swallow (African or European, your choice).

Couldn't have been a European swallow. They have insufficient lift to carry a coconut. Unless of course two of them grasped the husk....
MadMachine
10-10-2006, 15:07
Couldn't have been a European swallow. They have insufficient lift to carry a coconut. Unless of course two of them grasped the husk....

I thought it was if it could be held between them with some type of sling.
Machina
10-10-2006, 15:51
I bought one about a year ago but never had the equipment with which to get at it. It was in the fruit bowl for a couple of months before I chucked it away :undecided:
Dondrei
10-10-2006, 22:15
Yeah, I got one a couple of years ago and went through hell trying to open it. I finally got through, tried a bit and thought "why don't I just eat wood?".
ModeratelyConfused
10-10-2006, 22:26
Yeah, I got one a couple of years ago and went through hell trying to open it. I finally got through, tried a bit and thought "why don't I just eat wood?".

I thought all Aussies carried large knives strapped to their backs???
Dondrei
10-10-2006, 22:57
I thought all Aussies carried large knives strapped to their backs???

Only when tourists are around.

I have some more bad news for you... we don't really ride kangaroos to work (we ride emus).
ModeratelyConfused
10-10-2006, 23:24
Gathering their oil I suppose?
Dondrei
11-10-2006, 00:09
Gathering their oil I suppose?

No, that's later at night, when they're in the stables...