View Full Version : Open Relationships
StarStageGurl
12-08-2006, 02:55
While I was at a summer program, a girl had a boyfriend consistently visiting her every other weekend. One day, I see hickies (quite beautifully painted I might add) on her neck even though her boyfriend didn't visit. I later learned that she was having an open relationship with him. I never got a chance to ask her about how it works. It's probably the first time I've actually seen or heard of an open relationship succesfully in practice. Well, I guess I don't know whether it's going succesfully, but both parties looked fairly happy.
Tell me more about them! Got some stories? Do you think they work? In what circumstances?
Even though I have no personal experience I can't see how an open relationship could possibly work out in the end. The thing sounds more like someone who can't commit and make a decision so he/she will ride the fence and try a bunch of different people.
I know some people. I'm in a partially open relationship; my wife is allowed to have relationships with other women. I know another couple who had this same arrangement, she eventually broke up with him because she felt bad about it though.
{KOW}Spazed
12-08-2006, 03:07
If you want a friend with special benefits and nothing more then it could work. If you want something serious it probably won't, very few people can swing or have open relationships.
I was once in a relationship with a girl who was also dating another guy, we both agreed to it, but eventually tension and jealousy(on his part, I won) reared up. I really don't think it can happen unless everyone involved is ok with no emotional attachment.
FirsTimer
12-08-2006, 03:22
I've known people that have tried open relationships (**** buddies and actual couples, etc) and all those relationships have endured bloody endings. People seem fine at first it's new it's exciting and it's fun (plus there's sex!), but someone inevitably gets attached and the other hates them for "breaking rule numero uno" in an open relationship and that is NO ATTACHMENT.
Personally I can't imagine having sex with someone without some serious attachments (outside of one-night stands).
Personal advice would be not to venture into an open relationship, but it sounds like other people have plenty of success stories, so maybe I'm just an outlier.
StarStageGurl
12-08-2006, 03:23
If you want a friend with special benefits and nothing more then it could work. If you want something serious it probably won't, very few people can swing or have open relationships. Do you infer that it does work, without jealousy etc, for some people?
I know some people. I'm in a partially open relationship; my wife is allowed to have relationships with other women. I know another couple who had this same arrangement, she eventually broke up with him because she felt bad about it though.That's pretty awesome!
{KOW}Spazed
12-08-2006, 03:32
I don't think they can work. People who swing get torn apart(They actually did a big thing on the news about it once). I'm betting there are some people out there who can do it without any problems, but I bet they are less than one percent of population.
The problem is everyone involved has to be ok with it, otherwise it all turns into a huge mess.
That's pretty awesome!
Well I'm happy with the situation, I'll say that much. :grin:
Stoutwood
12-08-2006, 04:35
I've done the open relationship thing before, both partially (as dondrei does) and entirely. So far it has always backfired on me in one way or another. The last girl I did it with is now happily married to some other dude that she met during our time together.
Well, there was that one party ... on a ski trip in 1970.
We all returned from a day at the slopes. Good music, good friends, sweet times ...
Somebody brought in some Alice B Toklas brownies. Everybody ate one ... then another ...
After about an hour, the girls started giggling ... then ... uhh ... hmm
I don't remember the rest of it.
<heads off for another swig of Geritol> :cloud9:
FirsTimer
12-08-2006, 05:54
Well, there was that one party ... on a ski trip in 1970.
We all returned from a day at the slopes. Good music, good friends, sweet times ...
Somebody brought in some Alice B Toklas brownies. Everybody ate one ... then another ...
After about an hour, the girls started giggling ... then ... uhh ... hmm
I don't remember the rest of it.
<heads off for another swig of Geritol> :cloud9:
What a romantic story! You should write fiction (or even non-fiction!)
Well, there was that one party ... on a ski trip in 1970.
We all returned from a day at the slopes. Good music, good friends, sweet times ...
Somebody brought in some Alice B Toklas brownies. Everybody ate one ... then another ...
After about an hour, the girls started giggling ... then ... uhh ... hmm
I don't remember the rest of it.
<heads off for another swig of Geritol> :cloud9:
Were there keys in a big bowl?
Keldaris
12-08-2006, 08:05
The closest I can come to accepting an open relationship is my girlfriend is allowed to see other females. I know that a female can provide a different type of companionship than us guys, I won't deprive a girl of that if she feels the need to seek out that kind of attention. as of yet none of my girlfriends have taken the offer, even though I hav dated a few bi-sexuals.
When it comes to other guys, well until recently it was zero tolerance. However my current girlfriend cheated on me recently.... she's the first I have been able to forgive for her mistake. she does understand that there won't be another chance.....
inanefedaykin
12-08-2006, 08:08
You're all petty and immature. It's stupid to think that you can only love one person so what possible reason is there to have a relationship with only one person?
Keldaris
12-08-2006, 08:16
You're all petty and immature. It's stupid to think that you can only love one person so what possible reason is there to have a relationship with only one person?
I take it you don't understand commitment, thats what a relationship is!
{KOW}Spazed
12-08-2006, 08:18
You're all petty and immature. It's stupid to think that you can only love one person so what possible reason is there to have a relationship with only one person?
I haven't found another person I love in the same way as my girlfriend. I really don't think it's possible, I don't even really see other girls as attractive anymore.
Religious reasons are probably high on the list
Social norms
Sense of security
A bunch of hormones that attach you to one person whom you are in love with, an attachment that you can only get from one person at a time. Sex bonds two people together if done correctly(IE, not drunk, one night stands, etc)
So um mister 17 year old, how many serious relationships have you been in and what qualifies you to speak up and call names on all the people here who live happily loving only one person and who very well could be much older than you? I await your mature and magnanimous response.
Some people like monogamy, some people like open relationships... it's all good.
Provided you're honest with your partner about which one you are of course.
You're all petty and immature. It's stupid to think that you can only love one person so what possible reason is there to have a relationship with only one person?
Please move past the 'man-to-hand-relationship' phase of your life before you start condemning people for monogamy.
WildBerry
12-08-2006, 10:31
Please move past the 'man-to-hand-relationship' phase of your life before you start condemning people for monogamy.
I believe that kind of relationship is in no way exclusive with monogamy.
However, I too would like to know as to why is monogamy petty and immature and why are people physically incapable of exclusive love? I foresee this turning into idiot semantics about definitions of love :fortuneteller: , but I'd be interested nevertheless.
HAMC8112
12-08-2006, 11:03
I know a couple that does that kinda thing. The woman always asks me when am i going to have sex with her. The guy has asked me a couple of times when am i going to have sex with her.
I always go like uhm... maybe later.
In my mind i always think about who came before me, you know, in this day and age with all them diseases.
So... maybe later.
My ex wanted to have an open relationship, back when I was married.. she was pretty peeved when I told her I was far too jealous a guy to have something like that work. My old roommate, however, was someone who claimed to have had working open relationships before... the two women had a lot in common, mainly a crippling need for extreme amounts of attention, at any cost.
I don't think that the majority of us can make an open relationship work, because there IS the emotional attatchment, and most of us DO get jealous. There are, however, those few people who need so much attention, that only a truly open relationship is enough.
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 12:02
Ski and I could never have an open relationship. I know me, and I know I would get insanely jealous. Not because Ski might fall in love with another woman, I just can't have him physically touching another woman. He may decide that her “insert whatever body part you choose” is nicer than mine or that she does “insert whatever sexual act you choose” better than I do. He knows that I need to feel that I am the end all, be all of any relationship he has ever had. Sorry, I’m just like that. Of course, if Catherine Zita Jones showed up wanting to have sex with him I would have to allow it, just as if Angelina Jolie showed up wanting to have sex with me he would have to allow it.
Now I prepare to suffer the onslaught of comments bound to ensue over both my insecurities and famous people I would allow sex with:scared:
FathomFear
12-08-2006, 12:17
I'm not sure I agree with previous posters that there needs to be no "emotional attachment". This assumes monogamy is a given--and monogamy itself is a relatively recent phenomenon in our history. Why not have multiple emotional connections with different people? It's not like we have a reservoir of "love" or "support" and it gets depleted every time we give somene attention. The amount that we give out is only limited by the people we meet.
I know heaps of otherwise heterosexual girls who make an exception for Angelina Jolie... there's just something about her...
This kind of relationship can work, but it's something you should be careful about getting into. You have to really know and trust yourself and your partner. And of course it isn't for everyone, not at all. There's nothing wrong with being the kind of person who would be jealous in that situation, it's just different strokes and all that.
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 12:30
I know heaps of otherwise heterosexual girls who make an exception for Angelina Jolie... there's just something about her...
She just has an extreme level of sexy in my opinion. There are others, she's just top on my list. I could possibly have the type of relationship you have with your wife. Unfortunately for Ski, he couldn't be involved the "activities" due to the aforementioned issues I have. We both know this and know it basically isn't "fair" to him so it would likely never happen. >sigh<
My wife wouldn't want me involved in her stuff either, it's fine by me. But then again I'm pretty unusual, what works for me wouldn't necessarily work for someone else.
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 12:46
You and Ski should talk...maybe there's hope for my tendencies after all:wink3: (j/k)
Yes, we have discussed this many times, usually after a little wine, rarely completely sober. HC knows that were she to ever be with another women and I was around I would get a lot of pleasure out of just looking (not that there wouldn't be part of me interested in doing more) but I’m just very visual always have been. Because of that I could enjoy another woman (a live one not one on a TV) without ever touching her and that I think is where HC’s jealousy would come into play. I find the female body to be amazing, they don’t even have to be in perfect shape, however they do have to be in shape, just can’t get excited about rolls and dents and chaff and the other stuff that goes along with a larger woman (sorry larger women that may read this, but it’s my preference)
HC has gotten excited about certain scenes in movies we’ve watched and I’ve benefited from it, she was hit on at a “family” bar and I benefited from it, she has looked at women at a topless bar and I have benefited from it (we do however tend to pick the girls on stage apart though).
I have told her however if she were to ever meat a female that she felt she would absolutely want to have “relations” with that I would allow her to at least once. I would not need to be around and I would not hold it against her. She could have a completely private one niter so that she could experience something I think she really would want to experience, hell I love women why can’t she.
Ranger14
12-08-2006, 13:37
Open relationship is like an oxy-moron to me. I guess it depends on what kind of "relationship" two people have. If there is no committment between them, then I guess they are free to see who they want. I consider an open relationship a relationship with no committment, which to me...is not much of a relationship. For me, I want a relationship with that involves unconditional love and the committment automatically goes along with it. I want a committed and intimate relationship with one special woman, not just have sex with any woman I am attracted to.
zodiac66
12-08-2006, 15:38
Considering I haven't had relations in 3 years..I am open to most stuff.
God..I need to get laid. But I am choosy. I at least want it to be with someone I know. Plus, they have to be open to my peculiararities in the bedroom department.
God..I need to get laid. But I am choosy. I at least want it to be with someone I know. Plus, they have to be open to my peculiararities in the bedroom department.
I'd help but Im a little far away.
zodiac66
12-08-2006, 15:42
I'd help but Im a little far away.
Aww..such a sweet thing to say. Damn living in Ohio.
You jumped on that one pretty quick..no pun intended :).
You jumped on that one pretty quick..no pun intended :).
Well I make up for that by remaining on it for 2-3 hours.
I know some people. I'm in a partially open relationship; my wife is allowed to have relationships with other women. I know another couple who had this same arrangement, she eventually broke up with him because she felt bad about it though.
Honest question: are you serious? I had no idea...
IMO, it would be really hard to pull off, and I'm not trying to make a moral judgment. I just don't see how someone in multiple relationships would ever find one single relationship fulfilling...it seems they would just keep hopping from one to the other.
bladesyz
12-08-2006, 16:02
I don't see why polygamous relationships can't work... provided there were genuine bonds between all members involved.
That's why twins are the best for those things! :grin:
Heh, another thread where I am not qualified to comment :wink3:
I reckon that I'm not emotionally secure and mature enough to cope with any sort of open relationship (male, female, on either side). I would expect my partner to be monogamous and I would demand nothing less from myself. I realise that sort of attitude isn't cool these days, but hey it's how I feel.
I do try hard not to, but I tend to look down on the idea of an 'open relationship'. I'm not sure why that is, perhaps jealousy, maybe some other reason, but it's one of the few areas which I tend to be irrationally judgemental. But experience in this field is not something I have, so it is easy to put me in my place if I start spouting off :smiley:
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 16:31
Plus, they have to be open to my peculiararities in the bedroom department.
That’s a statement to spark curiosity if I have ever heard one....
zodiac66
12-08-2006, 16:36
That’s a statement to spark curiosity if I have ever heard one....
Sometimes I like being dom..sometimes sub..sometimes romantic. It all depends on my mood.
Some things scare many off. Many more than I would care to count.
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 16:52
Sometimes I like being dom..sometimes sub..sometimes romantic. It all depends on my mood.
I don't find those types of things to be peculiar. In my world, I consider that just being normal. One needs to “mix things up a bit” to keep it fun IMO.
zodiac66
12-08-2006, 16:56
I don't find those types of things to be peculiar. In my world, I consider that just being normal. One needs to “mix things up a bit” to keep it fun IMO.
Maybe you do..but maybe you don't...understand the extent of my likings.
When I was with Steve..it was not fun. He wasn't receptive to what I wanted. I don't think I will find anyone who is.
There is a difference in going to your local pron shop and getting things. I go for quality..and I pay for it. My corsets were all over 300 bucks. My hobble skirt is over 250 cnd.
As I said, I am picky. I am in the market for a new corset. It will have to wait until spring.
Plus, they have to be open to my peculiararities in the bedroom department.
What's peculiar? Do you "bark" or "meow"? Do you have a trapeze in your room?!?
I was in a short relationship many moons ago and the girl felt the need to purr and meow during sex, it was the oddest thing. I over looked it the first two times because she was attractive and otherwise fun to be around, but that third time I just couldn’t take it and had to bail halfway through, she got pissed I got scared and never went anywhere near the places I saw her. *shudder*
So tell us I'm curious what kinds of freaky things the rest of the world does.
StarStageGurl
12-08-2006, 17:01
Maybe you do..but maybe you don't...understand the extent of my likings.
When I was with Steve..it was not fun. He wasn't receptive to what I wanted. I don't think I will find anyone who is.I'm sure there's someone out there who shares those "peculiarities" with you. Maybe you just havn't met him yet;)
And yes, new things can be fun. Gradually though, if it comes to quickly, I get scared.
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 17:08
Maybe you do..but maybe you don't...understand the extent of my likings.
When I was with Steve..it was not fun. He wasn't receptive to what I wanted. I don't think I will find anyone who is.
There is a difference in going to your local pron shop and getting things. I go for quality..and I pay for it. My corsets were all over 300 bucks. My hobble skirt is over 250 cnd.
As I said, I am picky. I am in the market for a new corset. It will have to wait until spring.
I understand your likings. I/we may not be into things that are as extreme, but I understand. I think with sort of thing, as with many other aspects of life, "harm come none, do as you will". As long as all participants are willing, have at it.
I/we can't afford to go that far with the "fun stuff" monetarily.
zodiac66
12-08-2006, 17:09
I have been to places that most of you don't know even exist.
You all prolly think I am a slut. I have been with 4 men in my life..and I am almost 40. None of them really did anything for me.
I was in a short relationship many moons ago and the girl felt the need to purr and meow during sex, it was the oddest thing. I over looked it the first two times because she was attractive and otherwise fun to be around, but that third time I just couldn’t take it and had to bail halfway through, she got pissed I got scared and never went anywhere near the places I saw her. *shudder*
Thats called Nekochen. Its quite a pleasant theme.
I bellive there are alot of japanese animations around that "cat girl" theme.
hardly a reason alone to break up with someone.
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 17:12
Stupid double post monster...rarr
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 17:13
I have been to places that most of you don't know even exist.
You all prolly think I am a slut. I have been with 4 men in my life..and I am almost 40. None of them really did anything for me.
I in no way think of you as a slut (just for the record). I've been with more men than that and I don't consider myself a slut.......however many sluts don't consider themselves to be sluts....hmmm.....I may need therapy:cry:
In the age of the internet most of people know of nearly everything that exists in the world of sex. A lot choose to never go there, but it would be difficult to tell stories that people don't already know exist.
I would only be surprised to “meet” someone that actually did and gets enjoyment out of some of those things
StarStageGurl
12-08-2006, 17:18
You all prolly think I am a slut. I have been with 4 men in my life..and I am almost 40. None of them really did anything for me.Oh goodness, why would we think that!?
I go to one of the most liberal colleges in the world. I know of a lot of people in my school who are quite into these things actually. A health lecture titled "Deviant Sex" is held in our school every year. I attended it a couple of months ago, learned a lot, and was very surprised at how enthusiastic and knowledgeable people I go to math or english classes are on the subject.
I admit, I probably don't know what you're talking about. But don't give up hope just yet!
superdave
12-08-2006, 17:19
Considering I haven't had relations in 3 years..I am open to most stuff.
God..I need to get laid. But I am choosy. I at least want it to be with someone I know. Plus, they have to be open to my peculiararities in the bedroom department.
i am a peculiar person. :wink2:
HAMC8112
12-08-2006, 17:20
I have been to places that most of you don't know even exist.
You all prolly think I am a slut. I have been with 4 men in my life..and I am almost 40. None of them really did anything for me.
Did you ever talked to them about it? Did you explain how you wanted it?
hardly a reason alone to break up with someone.
Sorry I just couldn't deal with it so for me it was the perfect reason to walk out.
StAlbion
12-08-2006, 17:39
Thats called Nekochen. Its quite a pleasant theme.
I bellive there are alot of japanese animations around that "cat girl" theme.
hardly a reason alone to break up with someone.
Sounds like a better name for it would be furry... and that's a damn good reason to break up with someone.
HockeyChic
12-08-2006, 17:40
I was in a short relationship many moons ago and the girl felt the need to purr and meow during sex, it was the oddest thing. I over looked it the first two times because she was attractive and otherwise fun to be around, but that third time I just couldn’t take it and had to bail halfway through, she got pissed I got scared and never went anywhere near the places I saw her. *shudder*
There were a few things Ski didn't "think" he was into when we met. Over time, the two of us knowing we could be absolutely comfortable with each other, things progressed quite well. I don’t think I’d be into mimicking animal sounds whilst in the throws, but I’ve also never experienced it.
Keldaris
12-08-2006, 17:53
There were a few things Ski didn't "think" he was into when we met. Over time, the two of us knowing we could be absolutely comfortable with each other, things progressed quite well. I don’t think I’d be into mimicking animal sounds whilst in the throws, but I’ve also never experienced it.
I had a girlfriend that would actually purr while you stro.....um yeah....she was quite catlike. not meowing, but she would act like one, purring, curling up on my lap....It was an interesteing experience
StarStageGurl
12-08-2006, 17:57
I whine sometimes. Like a puppy. :P I grew up with dogs.
I think I might have scared a guy away because of that. Then again, GOOD RIDDANCE! He was the worst boyfriend I've had anyways.
Zodi...what you've said in this thread is so hot. I'm pretty it most guys wouldn't mind. Hell if I were older...mmmmm
And SSG...any guy that dumped you because you whined or whatever is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.
Ranger14
12-08-2006, 19:25
Sometimes I like being dom..sometimes sub..sometimes romantic. It all depends on my mood.
Some things scare many off. Many more than I would care to count.
That scares men off?? :shocked:
I would welcome that!! Damn men out there...gives some of us a bad name.:undecided:
You're almost 40??
*Ranger rechecks his youthful age of 43*
Hmmmm....
zodiac66
13-08-2006, 01:09
No..actually I just gave up. I give up I should say.
I am not the sort to get attached anymore. Been there..done that with bad results.
Most of me doesn't really mind being alone. I have thought I have met the perfect person..but it blew up in my face. I am not going to try again. It is way too much hassle for me.
I do thank the ones who have boosted my morale.
buttershug
13-08-2006, 01:30
There are monogamous mammals, and there are mammals that mate with any member of the opposite sex.
Believe it or not but people have studied the differences between such types of mammals.
It was found that the penis's of promisicuous species were markedly different from the penis's of monogamous species.
And the penises of humans are
O hey Zodi if you ever do meet up with SuperDave be sure to have a spare toilet brush.
zodiac66
13-08-2006, 01:42
O hey Zodi if you ever do meet up with SuperDave be sure to have a spare toilet brush.
Do I want to know why?
buttershug
13-08-2006, 01:43
Do I want to know why?
He posted a thread a while back.
One in a million doc, one in a million.
He posted a thread a while back.
One in a million doc, one in a million.
Oh man, that's terrible. :laugh:
Zodi, from what you've described, A) I agree with Rius, and B) You're far from being some kind of crazy deviant. My ex wife had a fetish that I didn't know existed when we started dating - a sneeze fetish. She got turned on by sneezes, and couldn't get off without them. Made for an interesting bedroom life.
As odd as that fetish is, there's even an entire forum filled with people who have that fetish. So if there's that many people who get off on having someone sneeze on their .... , then I'm sure that there's someone out there that shares your particular likes and dislikes.
Btw - :thumbsup: for the corsets
Oh man, that's terrible. :laugh:
Zodi, from what you've described, A) I agree with Rius, and B) You're far from being some kind of crazy deviant. My ex wife had a fetish that I didn't know existed when we started dating - a sneeze fetish. She got turned on by sneezes, and couldn't get off without them. Made for an interesting bedroom life.
As odd as that fetish is, there's even an entire forum filled with people who have that fetish. So if there's that many people who get off on having someone sneeze on their .... , then I'm sure that there's someone out there that shares your particular likes and dislikes.
Btw - :thumbsup: for the corsets
A sneeze fetish...that's a new one on me. I guess if you guys really want a good time you bring some itching powder or good ol' pepper to bed?
BTW there's always time to find that right person for you, whether you're 15, 40, or 70. Maybe you don't have to go out of your way and search...but doesn't hurt to keep your eyes open :wink3:
masterazn
13-08-2006, 03:09
Rius, get back in chat and bring some people.
superdave
13-08-2006, 03:11
He posted a thread a while back.
One in a million doc, one in a million.
damn you...i had to go back into therapy over that incident....i happen to believe that there is a perfect match for everyone...i found mine a long time ago...i wish we could have grew old together...one day, when i am ready, i will try to find another person to share my life...if she is only half as good as my first i will still be a blessed man.
Module88
13-08-2006, 03:15
i happen to believe that there is a perfect match for everyone...
Ha. How naive. :laugh:
masterazn
13-08-2006, 03:29
superdave is right. Some people are meant to be matched with loneliness.
{KOW}Spazed
13-08-2006, 03:31
Ha. How naive. :laugh:
You lose the right to call someone naive when you are afraid of clothing.
zodiac66
13-08-2006, 03:32
superdave is right. Some people are meant to be matched with loneliness.
Yeah..they are.
Module88
13-08-2006, 03:36
You lose the right to call someone naive when you are afraid of clothing.
Azn is right. Tell me Kow, have you ever heard of anyone who would be willing to accept a bra phobic knife wielding chess and zombie crazy Asian who knows nothing of modern culture or cooking? (And those are the basics, mind you)
{KOW}Spazed
13-08-2006, 03:46
Azn is right. Tell me Kow, have you ever heard of anyone who would be willing to accept a bra phobic knife wielding chess and zombie crazy Asian who knows nothing of modern culture or cooking? (And those are the basics, mind you)
Well as long as you aren't threatening them with the knife and don't run away if you see a bra strap everything else is just normal geek. I carry two knives with me most places, so that must not be it. I don't fear bras, but I think you said you just didn't want to take one off. I've played on my school chess team, although I quit because I got my *** kicked(there are guys on the team with GFs though). I am probably more obsessed with OS X and Macs than you are with Zombies, unless you are constantly trying to switch people to zombies.
I've noticed that a lot of Asian guys seem to throw a pity party for themselves instead of actually interacting with girls or having confidence. You'll never get a girl if you never talk to one.
Module88
13-08-2006, 03:52
Well as long as you aren't threatening them with the knife and don't run away if you see a bra strap everything else is just normal geek.
I'm just going to quote this and stop here. :embarassed:
I've noticed that a lot of Asian guys seem to throw a pity party for themselves instead of actually interacting with girls or having confidence. You'll never get a girl if you never talk to one.
Don't you live in Kentucky? I don't know about you, but Asians down here sure as HELL aren't like that at all.
StarStageGurl
13-08-2006, 03:55
Azn is right. Tell me Kow, have you ever heard of anyone who would be willing to accept a bra phobic knife wielding chess and zombie crazy Asian who knows nothing of modern culture or cooking? (And those are the basics, mind you)Well, we all have our problems and differences. It depends on how you approach each of them. Oh, and also, why date guys if they're all the same?
About open relationships, I see how it could theoretically work. However, I think it rarely works out as planned. I have friends that have attempted and either failed, had miscommunications, or it was a one sided thing etc. There are too many emotions that come with sex.
superdave
13-08-2006, 03:58
Yeah..they are.
i think you need a hug.
StarStageGurl
13-08-2006, 04:00
I've noticed that a lot of Asian guys seem to throw a pity party for themselves instead of actually interacting with girls or having confidence. You'll never get a girl if you never talk to one.This should be put on walls everywhere! One of the most significant differences I noticed between being in Taipei and Massachusetts... Nowonder I was overwhelmed. I thought I was one of the guy's until I went to the states.
A sneeze fetish...that's a new one on me. I guess if you guys really want a good time you bring some itching powder or good ol' pepper to bed?
BTW there's always time to find that right person for you, whether you're 15, 40, or 70. Maybe you don't have to go out of your way and search...but doesn't hurt to keep your eyes open :wink3:
Allergy season was mixed torture and pleasure. Short pleasure, admittedly, but pleasure. A lot more torture, in all honesty.
All else fails, tweezers pulling the hairs around my nostrils usually did the job. I also happen to be excellent at fake sneezes, which helped. She usually couldn't tell real from fake. I guess when you sneeze that often (or at least, when it gets you laid), you learn to fake it really well.
Yes, I used to be a *****. I've since grown a spine. Kind of an odd feeling, at first, but I like it.
{KOW}Spazed
13-08-2006, 04:06
I'm just going to quote this and stop here. :embarassed:
Don't you live in Kentucky? I don't know about you, but Asians down here sure as HELL aren't like that at all.
I live in Missouri and go to a private school, there are plenty of asians. None of them believe in themselves, so they don't get girls which only reinforces they're self disrespect.
Hell with enough confidence and nothing else you'll get girls to hit on you. Just don't act all shy or like a loser and you won't be.
superdave
13-08-2006, 04:12
Ha. How naive. :laugh:
not naive at all young man...i was lucky enough to spend over 20 years with the perfect woman.
Module88
13-08-2006, 04:27
I live in Missouri and go to a private school, there are plenty of asians. None of them believe in themselves, so they don't get girls which only reinforces they're self disrespect.
Missouri, Kentucky, close enough. -_- In any case, East Asians must be different than West Asians, for sure. I haven't seen very many Asians at all that don't believe in themselves.
Hell with enough confidence and nothing else you'll get girls to hit on you. Just don't act all shy or like a loser and you won't be.
I know you haven't met me, so I'm just going to ignore this. O_O
not naive at all young man...i was lucky enough to spend over 20 years with the perfect woman.
So that's two people in six billion? How does that support his statement of everyone having the perfect match somewhere? Sure, it's a step, but I hardly made the claim that it doesn't exist. O_O
{KOW}Spazed
13-08-2006, 04:33
So that's two people in six billion? How does that support his statement of everyone having the perfect match somewhere? Sure, it's a step, but I hardly made the claim that it doesn't exist. O_O
If you are going to go that route how do you know there isn't someone out there for you? Have you met every female on the planet?
When I say confidence I'm not talking about knowledge or ability, I'm talking about people skills. There are a lot of popular asian guys, but they freeze up and geek out when a pretty girl tries to talk to them.
Module88
13-08-2006, 04:42
If you are going to go that route how do you know there isn't someone out there for you? Have you met every female on the planet?
Because I'm an odd anomaly that still hasn't seen the original Star Wars and quite a few other things. :grin: :laugh:
When I say confidence I'm not talking about knowledge or ability, I'm talking about people skills. There are a lot of popular asian guys, but they freeze up and geek out when a pretty girl tries to talk to them.
I certainly hope no one would equate confidence with knowledge or ability.
Module is asexual, Kow. And, if the world is lucky, he'll remain so.
BTW, I agree with Superdave.
PatMaGroin
13-08-2006, 05:20
I'm not a big follower of the whole 'there's someone out there for everyone' bit.
You make a match and you work with it. Some matches are better than others.
Raistlin Majere
13-08-2006, 05:41
I'd have to say what open relationships are one of those ideas that looks good on paper but does not apply the way they are intended to to be applied in real life. People are inherently selfish and prone to competition(jealousy). In my epirience it is used just as an outlet for lust.
As for sex classes, I took one called "Human sexuality" once. An the first day, the Professor (in cargo khakis and sandals) walked into the classroom and write **** on the bord. He then stated "if this word offends you, I advise you to leave and drop this class, because it is the least offensive thing you will observe in the corriculum of this course." We discussed and whatch videos of different forms of sexuallity. ANd I am not just talking about alternate lifestyles, but watching videos of acts of necrofilia and beasiality as well and the normal porno stuff. The Class was.... enlightening and yet disurbing at the same time to say the least.
Module88
13-08-2006, 07:27
Module is asexual, Kow. And, if the world is lucky, he'll remain so.
BTW, I agree with Superdave.
Eh, don't make me slap you upside the head with a trout.
WildBerry
13-08-2006, 11:21
There are monogamous mammals, and there are mammals that mate with any member of the opposite sex.
Believe it or not but people have studied the differences between such types of mammals.
It was found that the penis's of promisicuous species were markedly different from the penis's of monogamous species.
And the penises of humans are
I can confirm this, having been privy to some strange biologists' discussions. buttershug, feel free to elaborate and/or correct me, but if I recall right, the tip is formed in the way that it gathers up more on it's way out, thus reducing the odds of foreign semen's success in the said female.
Allergy season was mixed torture and pleasure. Short pleasure, admittedly, but pleasure. A lot more torture, in all honesty.
All else fails, tweezers pulling the hairs around my nostrils usually did the job. I also happen to be excellent at fake sneezes, which helped. She usually couldn't tell real from fake. I guess when you sneeze that often (or at least, when it gets you laid), you learn to fake it really well.
Well she would've liked me, given that my evening routine usually has me tweezering my nostrils. For a man of small stature, I compensate by having some manliness in too much hair growing in all the wrong places. I have to use tweezers on daily basis to have face, and that really makes you sneeze.
That still is one of the most peculiar fetishes I've ever heard of. If zodi's peculiarities don't start to seem quite normal to everyone now (by contrast of course), I don't know what could do it.
I'm not a big follower of the whole 'there's someone out there for everyone' bit.
You make a match and you work with it. Some matches are better than others.
QFT. There are a lot more than one potential match for everyone. Then again, there hardly are any if there is no determination to make the match and work on it.
You're smart, Pat.
Well HC is my perfect match so make the 2 couple, er well 1 1/2 until HC says I'm hers, in 6 billion and both right here on these forums, what kind of odds are those?
For some people there's one perfect person for them. For some there are ten or twenty or a hundred or a thousand or millions. For some there are none.
I think it's reasonable to guess that if the average person checked every single person on the planet they'd find at least a few thousand people who would make excellent partners for them. For people who need something very unusual in a partner though, they'd better just cross their fingers and hope they get lucky.
I got lucky, because I'm damn picky. Although I would've liked to have sampled a lot of other women first... damnit...
Open relationship is like an oxy-moron to me. I guess it depends on what kind of "relationship" two people have. If there is no committment between them, then I guess they are free to see who they want. I consider an open relationship a relationship with no committment, which to me...is not much of a relationship. For me, I want a relationship with that involves unconditional love and the committment automatically goes along with it. I want a committed and intimate relationship with one special woman, not just have sex with any woman I am attracted to.
You can have unconditional love and commitment to someone and still have sex (or even full relationships) with other people. Of course it's not for everyone.
God..I need to get laid. But I am choosy. I at least want it to be with someone I know. Plus, they have to be open to my peculiararities in the bedroom department.
*Has one of those "wish I wasn't married" moments*
Sometimes I like being dom..sometimes sub..sometimes romantic. It all depends on my mood.
Some things scare many off. Many more than I would care to count.
Oh, you're a switch. I thought it would involve peanut butter, a rubber ducky, a tin of alphabetty spaghetty and a turkey baster.
*Tries not to look disappointed*
There is a difference in going to your local pron shop and getting things. I go for quality..and I pay for it. My corsets were all over 300 bucks. My hobble skirt is over 250 cnd.
As I said, I am picky. I am in the market for a new corset. It will have to wait until spring.
Yeah, real corsets are damn expensive. My wife has a cincture that cost her $300, and that was with a discount because she modelled for the makers. We're going to have to be a lot richer before she can afford a really good corset.
Honest question: are you serious? I had no idea...
IMO, it would be really hard to pull off, and I'm not trying to make a moral judgment. I just don't see how someone in multiple relationships would ever find one single relationship fulfilling...it seems they would just keep hopping from one to the other.
Yeah, it's true. It doesn't bother me, although I think maybe if it were men it would. Better not to find out I think...
I don't see why polygamous relationships can't work... provided there were genuine bonds between all members involved.
Polygamy is (in general) different from an open relationship.
Heh, another thread where I am not qualified to comment
I reckon that I'm not emotionally secure and mature enough to cope with any sort of open relationship (male, female, on either side). I would expect my partner to be monogamous and I would demand nothing less from myself. I realise that sort of attitude isn't cool these days, but hey it's how I feel.
Well no, open relationships are still very much the exception rather than the rule. But there's nothing wrong with wanting monogamy.
There were a few things Ski didn't "think" he was into when we met. Over time, the two of us knowing we could be absolutely comfortable with each other, things progressed quite well. I don’t think I’d be into mimicking animal sounds whilst in the throws, but I’ve also never experienced it.
Throes. I wouldn't have thought animal noises weird, but what's much worse is they probably would've made me laugh... that's the only thing you can't do during sex, kills the mood real damn fast.
Zodi, from what you've described, A) I agree with Rius, and B) You're far from being some kind of crazy deviant. My ex wife had a fetish that I didn't know existed when we started dating - a sneeze fetish. She got turned on by sneezes, and couldn't get off without them. Made for an interesting bedroom life.
Every time I think I've finally heard them all...
HockeyChic
13-08-2006, 13:00
Well HC is my perfect match so make the 2 couple, er well 1 1/2 until HC says I'm hers, in 6 billion and both right here on these forums, what kind of odds are those?
You are and you know it:kiss:
Oh, you're a switch. I thought it would involve peanut butter, a rubber ducky, a tin of alphabetty spaghetty and a turkey baster.
*Tries not to look disappointed*
*HC trys not to spew Captain Crunch out her nose while she laughs*
*HC trys not to spew Captain Crunch out her nose while she laughs*
Ooh, you just found my secret fetish...
P.S. don't eat cereal in front of the computer, you'll get milk and crumbs in the keyboard.
*Hides his bowl of Frosties*
HockeyChic
13-08-2006, 13:26
Ooh, you just found my secret fetish...
Did I now?:rolleyes:
P.S. don't eat cereal in front of the computer, you'll get milk and crumbs in the keyboard.
*Hides his bowl of Frosties*
I'm very good about keeping Ski's keyboard free from food. He'd be furious if I made a mess. He might spank me...
*HC quickly crumbles a little cereal all over the desk*
Ranger14
13-08-2006, 13:47
You can have unconditional love and commitment to someone and still have sex (or even full relationships) with other people. Of course it's not for everyone.
Then you have a helluva different idea of what true unconditional love and commitment is than I do. Commitment with my partner is just that. You are committed to that partner. That means you don't sleep with anyone else. If you truly love them unconditionally,than you don't go around sleeping with other people. Relationship experts will look at commitment as "making a promise, a pledge or a vow to be a faithful and loyal partner to another person" Apparently you have a different view of what faithful and loyal is.
I can't seem to find any relationship information that doesn't include monogamy as being part of commitment in a loving relationship. If one believes that being faithful and loyal involves sleeping around...then I don't know what to say other than you have a whole different view of love and a commitment than I do. I guess that shouldn't surprise me.
FathomFear
13-08-2006, 14:17
I can't seem to find any relationship information that doesn't include monogamy as being part of commitment in a loving relationship. If one believes that being faithful and loyal involves sleeping around...then I don't know what to say other than you have a whole different view of love and a commitment than I do. I guess that shouldn't surprise me.
Again, love and commitment is not measured in units. It's not like each one of us has "10 units of L & C" to give out on any given day, which make it necessary to engage in monogamy. A person could, potentially, love multiple people in the same way and with the same intensity. And those people could return the love in the same way. The reason why you find monogamy stated as a given in "relationship information" is because it is an aspect of our culture. It's the norm. And you also have to remember that it was not that long ago when relationships were not primarily about "love"--they were primarily economic arrangements. Love, marriage, and relationships have changed drastically over time...and I think we need to resist the tempation to universalize our current condition.
Ranger14
13-08-2006, 14:40
Ok...fair enough. Though the arranged marriages still held expected loyalty between partners from what I have read. I think you will be hardpressed to find the mainstream view on love and commitment saying that having more than one partner is the accepted norm. Sure there are relationships and people that think it is perfectly normal, but they don't fall under the "normal" definition of a committed relationship. I guess they have their own view of loyalty and commitment based on their own parameters and definition of commitment.
I just find it strange..."Honey I want a committed relationship with you, and just to make it clear, that means we can sleep with other people. Kind of defeats the purpose of commitment. Whatever floats one's boat, I guess.
His point is, if you're committed to one person, by definition you can't then go out and stick it in some other chick. If you do, you're not committed to the first person.
Ranger14
13-08-2006, 14:55
Yeah, commitment to me, seems pretty black & white. I am surprised there are people that see it different than that. I guess I am still proud to be a faithful and loyal partner when I am in a relationship. Thankfully, there are millions of women looking for that quality. If they aren't I just look at them as women who don't want a commitment, and there is nothing wrong with that. Doesn't seem so difficult to figure out.
Allergy season was mixed torture and pleasure. Short pleasure, admittedly, but pleasure. A lot more torture, in all honesty.
All else fails, tweezers pulling the hairs around my nostrils usually did the job. I also happen to be excellent at fake sneezes, which helped. She usually couldn't tell real from fake. I guess when you sneeze that often (or at least, when it gets you laid), you learn to fake it really well.
Yes, I used to be a *****. I've since grown a spine. Kind of an odd feeling, at first, but I like it.
Hehe faking sneezes...kinda parallels some other faking done by the opposite sex...
EDIT: I'll try to get more ppl to get in chat masterazn. I'm tired of hearing about your phone anyways :)
Well she would've liked me, given that my evening routine usually has me tweezering my nostrils. For a man of small stature, I compensate by having some manliness in too much hair growing in all the wrong places. I have to use tweezers on daily basis to have face, and that really makes you sneeze.
That still is one of the most peculiar fetishes I've ever heard of. If zodi's peculiarities don't start to seem quite normal to everyone now (by contrast of course), I don't know what could do it.
It isn't necessarily a good thing that she would've liked you - like I said, her sneeze fetish is only the tip of the iceberg. You're very much correct, though - Unless there's a lot Zodi isn't telling us, I really don't think she could compare with the peculiarities of my ex.
Every time I think I've finally heard them all...
Yeah, I know. There's always something out there that'll top it. In all honesty, comparing them evenly, I don't think any of her other turn-ons, interests, peculiarities, etc would necessarily beat out sneezing for pure oddness, but she had quite a collection. I could probably rattle off nearly a dozen.
Hehe faking sneezes...kinda parallels some other faking done by the opposite sex...
Sadly. She often drew parallels, comparing sneezes to orgasms. Apparently, she seemed to think there wasn't much difference, when you consider how the body responds. Both are somewhat uncontrollable, for example.
I wonder what that means for me, if I could 'fake it' so well that she couldn't tell the difference. :shocked:
I wonder what that means for me, if I could 'fake it' so well that she couldn't tell the difference. :shocked:
Hey take a page from my book: If you're getting yours and she ain't complaining, then you shouldn't be complaining :laugh: .
superdave
14-08-2006, 00:01
hey nerve boy...did you keep a jar of this (http://www.a1spiceworld.com/images/cayenne_pepper_photo.jpg) in your night table drawer with the rest of the marital aids?
Keldaris
14-08-2006, 00:15
hey nerve boy...did you keep a jar of this (http://www.a1spiceworld.com/images/cayenne_pepper_photo.jpg) in your night table drawer with the rest of the marital aids?
Ow! that would burn....
superdave
14-08-2006, 00:19
Ow! that would burn....
it worked on the bloodhounds chasing cool hand luke. :tongue:
it worked on the bloodhounds chasing cool hand luke. :tongue:
Nah, we tried that. Pepper doesn't work on me, either white or black. Cayenne pepper burnt, but didn't make me sneeze. Just made me not in the mood that night.
The only thing that worked as far as sniffing went, was industrial strength powdered dish soap. For obvious reasons, it didn't see that much use.
zodiac66
14-08-2006, 00:50
I am not going to comment on sniffing. That had to be the oddest experience of my life.
superdave
14-08-2006, 01:03
I am not going to comment on sniffing. That had to be the oddest experience of my life.
sniffing what? :shocked:
All the guys in here who have said they are in or have been in open relationships have all said that they 'allow' their wife or significant other to sleep with other women only.
Why is that?
Is it actually any less threatening when its another woman?
All the guys in here who have said they are in or have been in open relationships have all said that they 'allow' their wife or significant other to sleep with other women only.
Why is that?
Is it actually any less threatening when its another woman?
Probably...only b/c it's totally much more hot for a wife to be sleeping with another woman (plus chances are she isn't gonna be leaving you) than for a wife to be sleeping with another dude. It's a guy thing. Deplorable and sexist but that's the way we like it :thumbsup:
WildBerry
14-08-2006, 01:50
All the guys in here who have said they are in or have been in open relationships have all said that they 'allow' their wife or significant other to sleep with other women only.
Why is that?
Is it actually any less threatening when its another woman?
This is probably not related, but it has taken some time for the white male to realise that women can enjoy sex too. First proof are the relatively late discoveries of clitoris, and to lesser extent, the Grafenberg point, by anatomy. They've been there, the former rather prominently, but they weren't thought much of.
The people of yore weren't much better. The modern commonly accepted word for things associated with sex, eroticism and it's derivated forms, hail from Eros, a male god. Though the Bible mentions lesbian relationships as an abomination to God, they get considerably less stress - again, for the same reason. Woman was generally deemed a bit low for getting any kicks from the stuff.
Even though these haven't been the defining points of all thought, they certainly lend to a picture of male-dominated sexual history for the past. There have been times and places which would've favoured thought like the one you put out - that other female can't really be that threatening - provided the concept of two females in coitus was not totally reprehensible.
I think it has a lot to do with the fact that there isn't another man's penis involved. Plus, there's the whole TWO sets of woman-bits thing. It's generally less intimidating for a guy to know his wife wants to play with another woman's body than another man's. No worries about her deciding that her new partner's got a better penis than you, because she (probably) doesn't have one.
For the record, I tend to be a very jealous man... and that applies to her relations with both genders.
I figure most guys are like you quietus and wouldn't want their wife sleeping with another man or woman. Same goes for females. I know I wouldn't want my husband sleeping with another man or woman, like HC i'd be jealous.
Keldaris
14-08-2006, 02:23
All the guys in here who have said they are in or have been in open relationships have all said that they 'allow' their wife or significant other to sleep with other women only.
Why is that?
Is it actually any less threatening when its another woman?
I already explained it in an earlier post but i'll explain it again. Women and men have different ways of expressing themselves, and can offer a different kind of companionship than members of the oppsite gender. If amanda feels she needs the kind of attention that only a female will be able to provide, I can't deny her that.
However another man I'ld feel I was being replaced, It's something our relationship went through recently....I have managed, not necesariy to forgive, but to put it behinds us, we are currently working on plans to move in togehter in october.
I figure most guys are like you quietus and wouldn't want their wife sleeping with another man or woman. Same goes for females. I know I wouldn't want my husband sleeping with another man or woman, like HC i'd be jealous.
Aye - it's what you could refer to as one of my 'hard limits' - A lot of people on these forums might be surprised by some of the things I"ve done (well, maybe not so much now...), but one thing that I would demand of any relationship I'm in is complete monogamy. As a writer/roleplayer, I can't even have my characters get involved with other characters, unless that other character is run by my girlfriend. Loyal to a fault, I suppose.
I already explained it in an earlier post but i'll explain it again. Women and men have different ways of expressing themselves, and can offer a different kind of companionship than members of the oppsite gender. If amanda feels she needs the kind of attention that only a female will be able to provide, I can't deny her that.
However another man I'ld feel I was being replaced, It's something our relationship went through recently....I have managed, not necesariy to forgive, but to put it behinds us, we are currently working on plans to move in togehter in october.
While I agree with the point that different genders provide a different sort of companionship, I don't feel that that needs to extend to sexuality. I can't put words to it, really... there's no logical reason for me to feel this way. After all, if it's a woman, it's no (or at least less) risk of 'being replaced'. However, one of my personal quirks is that I don't want sexual intimacy to extend outside of the relationship. As I mentioned earlier, I'm extremely jealous, and that jealousy can wreck a relationship. I'm trusting, however, until I'm given a reason not to be.
Then you have a helluva different idea of what true unconditional love and commitment is than I do. Commitment with my partner is just that. You are committed to that partner. That means you don't sleep with anyone else. If you truly love them unconditionally,than you don't go around sleeping with other people. Relationship experts will look at commitment as "making a promise, a pledge or a vow to be a faithful and loyal partner to another person" Apparently you have a different view of what faithful and loyal is.
I can't seem to find any relationship information that doesn't include monogamy as being part of commitment in a loving relationship. If one believes that being faithful and loyal involves sleeping around...then I don't know what to say other than you have a whole different view of love and a commitment than I do. I guess that shouldn't surprise me.
Why is monogamy connected to faithfulness? If you both freely agreed to an open relationship then how would it be cheating? If your partner doesn't want you to be monogamous with them then why would sleeping with someone else mean you don't love them unconditionally?
Unconditional love and monogamy are separate concepts, it's just that most people want both. That doesn't mean that some people can't want one and not the other.
I just find it strange..."Honey I want a committed relationship with you, and just to make it clear, that means we can sleep with other people. Kind of defeats the purpose of commitment. Whatever floats one's boat, I guess.
His point is, if you're committed to one person, by definition you can't then go out and stick it in some other chick. If you do, you're not committed to the first person.
No, commitment doesn't necessarily mean monogamy (maybe I should say monamoury). Commitment means you'll stick around, love the person, try to make the relationship work... if you're both happy to have an open relationship then those things and having sex with other people are not exclusive.
Yeah, I know. There's always something out there that'll top it. In all honesty, comparing them evenly, I don't think any of her other turn-ons, interests, peculiarities, etc would necessarily beat out sneezing for pure oddness, but she had quite a collection. I could probably rattle off nearly a dozen.
Do tell...
All the guys in here who have said they are in or have been in open relationships have all said that they 'allow' their wife or significant other to sleep with other women only.
Why is that?
Is it actually any less threatening when its another woman?
I don't know if I'd feel threatened by another man. But I don't feel any jealousy about other women. I think it's because a lesbian relationship is very different from a heterosexual one, and I wouldn't want to deny her things that another woman can provide that I can't. It's just... different.
inanefedaykin
14-08-2006, 04:21
I haven't found another person I love in the same way as my girlfriend. I really don't think it's possible, I don't even really see other girls as attractive anymore. All that I can say is that it's your loss.
Religious reasons are probably high on the list
I'm a logical person so I can't really understand why anyone would be religious in the first place.
Social norms
I blame society for a lot of things, this seems to be another one.
Sense of security
I don't see this as a problem. We don't live in a time when you need the physical security from a male counterpart (feminists can whine as they are want to, history and science vindicate me). The only point here is emotional security and I don't see this as a problem either. Does he (the male form is used when in doubt of a party's gender, don't over analyze it) love you? If yes, then what does it matter if he loves someone else?
A bunch of hormones that attach you to one person whom you are in love with, an attachment that you can only get from one person at a time. Sex bonds two people together if done correctly(IE, not drunk, one night stands, etc)A quick run down of my stance on sex and relationships should suffice as a reply to this.
Sex without emotional attachment is just masturbation with a lot of bull ****. It's an offense to everyone involved and it's a slap to everyone you love.
I don't believe in marriage. To me it just seems like an advanced form of slavery, a wedding ring is nothing more then a reminder to each party that they're bound to the other.
So um mister 17 year old, how many serious relationships have you been in and what qualifies you to speak up and call names on all the people here who live happily loving only one person and who very well could be much older than you? Quite frankly, it's none of your buisiness. It in no way affects the validity of my opinion and I have no intention of bugging every party for permission to talk about them (oh look, I don't believe in gossiping).
I await your mature and magnanimous response.
Satisfied with my response? I could only wish that others who responded to me were as courteous as you.
Ranger14
14-08-2006, 04:36
After dating someone who tried out the lesbian life, there is absolutely nothing that a woman can provide to my partner that I can't and there is a definite something that I can provide that a woman can't. As far as she was concerned, the "women can provide more" ended up being pretty much a myth as far as she was concerned. This has been a topic of conversation over the years with different women I have dated and they don't get it either. If there is something a woman can provide that a man isn't providing...the man needs to figure out some things.
As far as commitment goes, we definitely have a different idea of what commitment is, Dondrei. If commitment is just agreeing to hang out with someone over the years, but you can do whatever you like, not much of a commitment in my book. Like I said, whatever floats your boat.
rplusplus
14-08-2006, 04:39
Simple. Open Relationships NEVER work.
Yarr++
Yeah, I know. There's always something out there that'll top it. In all honesty, comparing them evenly, I don't think any of her other turn-ons, interests, peculiarities, etc would necessarily beat out sneezing for pure oddness, but she had quite a collection. I could probably rattle off nearly a dozen.
Do tell...
Well, let's see.
She did have a bit of a cat thing going on. Not as bad as has been described, but she'd randomly mew/meow for no apparent reason.
Age play - she liked to act like a young girl of about six. Sometimes younger. They didn't get used often, but we used to have bottles and soothers - neither of us have ever had children.
Breath play - she particularly enjoyed being in control of my breathing, it made her feel important.
Stories - this one's kind of odd. 9/10 times that she and I were intimate, it would involve a story that I'd have to make up off the top of my head about random characters, that involved sneezing and sex in some way.
D/s - she was something of a switch, and I have a few kink tendencies myself, generally leaning more toward the s side.
B&D - kind of goes hand in hand with D/s.
Vampirism - She liked to bite my neck, and I admit, I kind of have a thing for the whole sensual, romanticized vampire thing myself. She didn't do it justice. =/
Biting - in general. This was more of a non-sexual thing than anything else. She liked to bite... hard. I have unusually large scapula, and as a result have small bumps near the ends of my collarbone. Her molars really hurt on those.
hair pulling - she had... I think it's spelled trichotillomania. I'm sure that you can correct me if I'm wrong, Dondrei - it's an addiction to pulling hairs. For the time that I was with her, I was unable to grow facial hair, because she would force me to lay still while she tweezed it out. That wasn't the only hair she tweezed, either, though she found ways to distract me then. Kind of a tradeoff. I now have bad ingrown hair problems thanks to that.
Blood - she loved the sight of blood, and often when BDSM was involved, so were razors.
... I'd like to point out that basically all of these were for her benefit. I was (and still am, really) of the opinion that if I'm getting mine, she's getting hers. Assuming she wants hers, of course... I have no objections to being greedy from time to time, nor with her doing the same. I didn't have a spine back then, though, and if I did, certain things I would have put my foot down on. Razors and tweezers come to mind.
If a woman is bisexual, doesnt that mean she pretty much feels the same way about men as she does women?
I guess I don't get how a guy can feel 'replaced' by another man, but not by a woman... when your partner sees both sexes equally and is sexually attracted to both.
I can't type what im thinking properly. Argh stupid placenta brain!
If a woman is bisexual, doesnt that mean she pretty much feels the same way about men as she does women?
I guess I don't get how a guy can feel 'replaced' by another man, but not by a woman... when your partner sees both sexes equally and is sexually attracted to both.
I can't type what im thinking properly. Argh stupid placenta brain!
It comes down to this. A man can be secure in the knowledge that he has an appendage that women don't. Assumedly, if a relationship has been established, then if the woman wants to make use of said appendage, she'll come back to him. In the case of another man, she has options as to where she can obtain use of said appendage, which constitutes a threat to the first man's status.
It doesn't matter if this is correct or not, in practice. Because as long as the guy believes it correct in theory, that's enough to put him at ease.
After dating someone who tried out the lesbian life, there is absolutely nothing that a woman can provide to my partner that I can't and there is a definite something that I can provide that a woman can't. As far as she was concerned, the "women can provide more" ended up being pretty much a myth as far as she was concerned. This has been a topic of conversation over the years with different women I have dated and they don't get it either. If there is something a woman can provide that a man isn't providing...the man needs to figure out some things.
You mean like how to grow boobs and receive cunnilingus?
Your partner's experience is not necessarily everyone's. Men and women connect on a different level, emotionally and mentally and so on. I'm not saying that a woman who doesn't have an open relationship is unfulfilled, but a relationship with a man and one with a woman are not the same. Or at least very rarely.
As far as commitment goes, we definitely have a different idea of what commitment is, Dondrei. If commitment is just agreeing to hang out with someone over the years, but you can do whatever you like, not much of a commitment in my book. Like I said, whatever floats your boat.
Again you're acting as if one cannot have a deep, powerful emotional, physical and mental connection in a long-term relationship without also being monamorous. This is kind of the whole point.
If you want to be in single-partner relationships that's fine, there's nothing wrong with feeling uncomfortable with the idea of your partner sleeping with other people. But not everyone feels the same way, and it isn't because they are less committed to their partners.
Simple. Open Relationships NEVER work.
Yarr++
That's simply untrue.
Well, let's see.
She did have a bit of a cat thing going on. Not as bad as has been described, but she'd randomly mew/meow for no apparent reason.
Age play - she liked to act like a young girl of about six. Sometimes younger. They didn't get used often, but we used to have bottles and soothers - neither of us have ever had children.
Breath play - she particularly enjoyed being in control of my breathing, it made her feel important.
Stories - this one's kind of odd. 9/10 times that she and I were intimate, it would involve a story that I'd have to make up off the top of my head about random characters, that involved sneezing and sex in some way.
D/s - she was something of a switch, and I have a few kink tendencies myself, generally leaning more toward the s side.
B&D - kind of goes hand in hand with D/s.
Vampirism - She liked to bite my neck, and I admit, I kind of have a thing for the whole sensual, romanticized vampire thing myself. She didn't do it justice. =/
Biting - in general. This was more of a non-sexual thing than anything else. She liked to bite... hard. I have unusually large scapula, and as a result have small bumps near the ends of my collarbone. Her molars really hurt on those.
hair pulling - she had... I think it's spelled trichotillomania. I'm sure that you can correct me if I'm wrong, Dondrei - it's an addiction to pulling hairs. For the time that I was with her, I was unable to grow facial hair, because she would force me to lay still while she tweezed it out. That wasn't the only hair she tweezed, either, though she found ways to distract me then. Kind of a tradeoff. I now have bad ingrown hair problems thanks to that.
Blood - she loved the sight of blood, and often when BDSM was involved, so were razors.
... I'd like to point out that basically all of these were for her benefit. I was (and still am, really) of the opinion that if I'm getting mine, she's getting hers. Assuming she wants hers, of course... I have no objections to being greedy from time to time, nor with her doing the same. I didn't have a spine back then, though, and if I did, certain things I would have put my foot down on. Razors and tweezers come to mind.
That is odd.
If a woman is bisexual, doesnt that mean she pretty much feels the same way about men as she does women?
No.
I guess I don't get how a guy can feel 'replaced' by another man, but not by a woman... when your partner sees both sexes equally and is sexually attracted to both.
I can't type what im thinking properly. Argh stupid placenta brain!
It isn't just about sexual attraction and whatnot. I mean, would you feel threatened if your husband had sex with another man even if he isn't attracted to men? It's complicated. Theoretically I suppose it's possible for a woman to have a relationship with a man and another woman such that the relationships are pretty much the same, but I've never seen it. Most of the time it's very different.
I don't really feel threatened because I know my wife isn't going to find someone she's more compatible with than me (male or female) and in fact even if she did I don't think she'd leave me or love me less. But I don't know about her having sex with other men... maybe I'd consider a fully open relationship, maybe not. I can't be sure I wouldn't get jealous.
PatMaGroin
14-08-2006, 06:12
Sex without emotional attachment is just masturbation with a lot of bull ****. It's an offense to everyone involved and it's a slap to everyone you love.
That's pretty much the only part of that post that I agreed with.
Satisfied with my response? I could only wish that others who responded to me were as courteous as you.
Not that you were talking to me, but I'll go ahead and jump in. I wasn't all too impressed with your post. Your problem is that you seem to think that your opinion is fact and that it holds true for everyone. Oh, and I wouldn't expect a 'courteous' response when you start out by saying
You're all petty and immature.
Sex without emotional attachment is just masturbation with a lot of bull ****. It's an offense to everyone involved and it's a slap to everyone you love.
What if you aren't in love with anyone?
It sounds like a blast to me...
Keldaris
14-08-2006, 06:22
Your partner's experience is not necessarily everyone's. Men and women connect on a different level, emotionally and mentally and so on. I'm not saying that a woman who doesn't have an open relationship is unfulfilled, but a relationship with a man and one with a woman are not the same. Or at least very rarely
at last someone who agrees!
WildBerry
14-08-2006, 06:36
Does he (the male form is used when in doubt of a party's gender, don't over analyze it) love you?
As a non-native speaker I might've found an error in my ways, and would be eager to fix it. I've been under impression that it is namely the female form for some reason which is used if the gender is uncertain, that's what I learned before my matriculation and have tried to stick with it. I've had no complaints as of yet, but I've no reason to believe you don't know your stuff either. Can you refer some link or other sort of opus where I could ascertain this?
I don't believe in marriage. To me it just seems like an advanced form of slavery, a wedding ring is nothing more then a reminder to each party that they're bound to the other.
Heh, if people make the deal some folks just need the reminder. This is not a rebuttal to your view, I'm just notifying that you're disagreeing with the wrong part: the ring as a symbol of dedication, or indeed, being bound in both good and bad, makes perfect sense if the concept of monogamy is accepted or even celebrated. Whether it should be is what's debated here.
Satisfied with my response? I could only wish that others who responded to me were as courteous as you.
Sorry, though this wasn't probably aimed at me specifically, I've replied to you. Trying to be civil here.
I think if I was a man in a relationship with a woman who was bisexual and still wanted sex with women as well as me... I would either be upset or I would let other women into the relationship but I would want to be involved in some way. There's no way i could just say "you wanna have sex with Sarah tonight? Sure go for it, ill go see a movie". If my wife didn't want me involved in any way shape or form I think id be worried or kinda offended.
Im just going to resign myself to the fact that I don't get it :D
I think if I was a man in a relationship with a woman who was bisexual and still wanted sex with women as well as me... I would either be upset or I would let other women into the relationship but I would want to be involved in some way. There's no way i could just say "you wanna have sex with Sarah tonight? Sure go for it, ill go see a movie". If my wife didn't want me involved in any way shape or form I think id be worried or kinda offended.
Im just going to resign myself to the fact that I don't get it :D
Don't worry about it, it's very rare for someone to actually be totally okay with it. I'm just weird.
HockeyChic
14-08-2006, 12:23
I can't type what im thinking properly. Argh stupid placenta brain!
Not trying to change the subject in anyway.....
Poor Bas, I hate to say it but after you have Ava it may not get much better. A good friend once told me that "You lose a small part of your brain function each time you are pregnant and even a little more of it when you give birth." There are days when I feel she was wise beyond her years.:weep:
Now, back to the program....
Open relationships can work, if a few simple rules are set down and followed by both parties:
1.Always use protection when having sex that's not your significant other.
2.Having sex with other people means one night stands. Not emotions involved. Don't sleep with the other person (the one you're having a one-night stand with) more than once.
3.Always tell your partner when you want to fornicate with someone else. If your partner wants to have you that particular night, that overshadows your desire for one-night stands.
Maybe i'm missing a few, but having one night stands will not put you in an emotional wreck because there's no emotions involved.
2.Having sex with other people means one night stands. Not emotions involved. Don't sleep with the other person (the one you're having a one-night stand with) more than once.
I've known people who haven't needed this one.
I've known people who haven't needed this one.
That falls under the 'different strokes for different folks' theory, I think.
Star Dust
15-08-2006, 01:15
Yeah, I'm just slightly late in this thread. I haven't had internet for the past few days. Anyways... related link. (http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/relationships/story/0,,1813314,00.html)
StarStageGurl
15-08-2006, 10:31
Yeah, I'm just slightly late in this thread. I haven't had internet for the past few days. Anyways... related link. (http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/relationships/story/0,,1813314,00.html)Very interesting article Star Dust. I've never heard of polyamory before. I don't know whether I agree with a lot of the things mentioned, especially the last paragraph. She's saying that there's no such thing as one person that you can spend a happy life with. I disagree.
Yeah, I'm just slightly late in this thread. I haven't had internet for the past few days. Anyways... related link. (http://lifeandhealth.guardian.co.uk/relationships/story/0,,1813314,00.html)
Polygamy, is 3 girls and one guy, huh never new that.
I do have to say that would have to be the worst 4-some ever thought up though, actually it ties with the worst, well unless animals are involved then it would tie for the second worst 4-some. I think it would just be too damn much work on the guy’s part to be the one guy with 3 women. Its tie is of course 1 girl and 3 guys, because that just turns the girl into a w**** from the second she agrees, well that or a porn star, I guess it depends on if a camera is in the room. Ok I’m rambling and shouldn’t read articles like that this early in the morning.
The article is just making a generalisation about polygamy, because of all those religious cults that practice it (specifically, polygyny). In actual fact:
Polygamy: Being married to multiple spouses.
Polygyny: One man with multiple wives.
Polyandry: One woman with multiple husbands. Much more rare.
Polyamory: Having multiple partners, but you aren't necessarily married to any of them.
The opposite of polygamy is monogamy, and I assume the opposite of polyamory is monamory.
Star Dust
15-08-2006, 17:35
The opposite of polygamy is monogamy, and I assume the opposite of polyamory is monamory.
If the opposite of one is many instead of zero, then sure, I guess. :flip:
If the opposite of one is many instead of zero, then sure, I guess. :flip:
Yes, yes... hardly anything has a real opposite. But agamy and a-amory (I have no idea what to do there) are rare enough not to warrant a mention.
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