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Reasons to be Thankful in Sanctuary

Posted 22 Nov 2012 by

So it’s Thanksgiving today in the US, and we Americans are relaxing with our families and watching our misnamed version of “football” and eating too much. (Even more than usual.) Stacked atop the gluttony and preparations for rampant consumerism are some small, still voices urging us to be thankful. To take a moment to review our lives and think of the things we’re grateful for. Ironically or otherwise.

In that spirit, what are you thankful for on this holiday, and how do the characters in Sanctuary feel about it?

The DiabloWikiFollowers are thankful for that item you just gave them. Also that skill. And that other one too! They’d have chosen the same one themselves! Even if all their equipment is just +exp and +MF stuff that does nothing for their survival or negligible killing power and exists solely to let you gain loot or exp some tiny percentage faster.

The DiabloWikiBlacksmith is thankful to have a reason to work, again. It gives his life meaning, after the thrill of being single again began to fade. (Not that he actually does any work, what with the state of DiabloWikiCrafting these days.)

The DiabloWikiDemon Hunter is thankful that there are infinite numbers of enemies, since that way her revenge can go on forever.

The male DiabloWikiWizard is thankful that no one cares about the whole Starfish hat thing anymore. Or the “wimpy” Anime-face thing either. He had a tough pre-game.

The DiabloWikiBarbarian is thankful that Blizzard’s been afraid to nerf his wildly-OP “run past things and watch them die” build that was only enabled by an freakish intersection of defense and escape skills that somehow combined to make the best offensive attack in the game.

The DiabloWikiWitch Doctor is thankful that he made the cut at all, and tries not to be hurt by the constant fan comments about wanting the Necromancer back in D3X. Also, for going into battle heavily armored in feathers, coconut shells, and dog bones for armor. That’s just awesome. Thanks so much.

The DiabloWikiMonk is not thankful. Nor bitter. He exists in a pure state of meditative contemplation, which will be broken only if/when he’s given some buffs to become a viable character in Diablo III.

The DiabloWikiTreasure Goblin is thankful for… well for nothing, really. He’s just out there, trying to make a living, picking up loot just like the heroes, hurting no one, hurting no one… and what’s his thanks? Death. Cruel, vindictive, multi-stage death, delivered by gleefully-greedy heroes who are supposed to be concentrating on ridding the world of dangerous demons.

I’m thankful that we finally have a Diablo 3 to play, and that the game has seen so many big improvements since launch. And as some of you guys always say, as soon as the DiabloWikiArena is in and the game’s finally finished with the retail Beta test, it’ll be awesome!

DiabloWikiJay Wilson is thankful that no one remembers his “F**** that loser” remark anymore. He’s even been tweeting again, after several months of Twitter silence.

I’d be more thankful if a solid 50% of my v1.05 DiabloWikiLegendary item finds weren’t Monk hats and claws. Seriously, the Monk is my only sub-lvl 60 class, it’s (currently) considered the least powerful of the 5 classes, and I’ve found 4 of this hat, 3 of this one, and two copies of two of the claws. And none of the rolls have even been any good!

I’m also thankful that someone made some gifs from the old Diablo II TV commercial.

What are you thankful for, in Diablo III, this year?


Tagged As: | Categories: Diablo: IncGamers Articles, Fan Stuff, Humour